Parenting styles have been evolving towards more respectful methods for children. Two examples of this are the Montessori method, created by the Italian pedagogue Maria Montessori at the end of the 19th century, and positive discipline, an educational model based on the individual psychology of the Austrian doctor and psychotherapist Alfred Adler at the beginning of the 20th century. Theories focused on putting the minor at the center of education, seeking their autonomy and guaranteeing a safe emotional climate. “But to achieve this, you have to change the focus and look first at the adult before looking at childhood,” explains psychologist Marisa Moya, pioneer of positive discipline in Spain and director of the enREDada School, which promotes mutual respect in homes and educational centers. The teacher also assures that the difficult thing before trying to raise the minor through any of these educational models is for the adult to look at himself: “Specifically, to observe those useless beliefs that we have installed as objective thoughts: when you believe that reality works as you see it.”
In the youth novel Konrad or the boy who came out of a can, Written in 1975 by the award-winning German author Christine Nöstlinger and loaded with social criticism of the education that minors received at that time, it can be read from the mouth of one of its characters: “In matters of upbringing everything works according to the principle that when “The child does something well, he is praised, and when he does something wrong, he is reprimanded or ignored.” Quite the opposite of what new parenting styles teach and try to change today.
“When a child gets angry or feels an emotion as intense as a tantrum, he needs an adult to calm him down,” explains Beatriz M. Muñoz, Montessori guide, facilitator of positive discipline for families through the web. Educate with connection and author of the books Montessorize yourself (Grijalbo, 2018). “The difficulties of parenting arise because it is difficult to satisfy the needs of minors at the same time as our own,” she says. Muñoz gives an example: “A child gets excited about some new paintings and paints the walls. You can get angry or understand that he still has an immature brain and look for a solution from there.” “These new forms of parenting do not solve all the problems that arise in childhood, but, to make it easier, Montessori, with its stages, helps us better understand the needs that the little ones have,” continues the expert. “From 0 to 6 years old, their mind is absorbing and they swallow everything. From 6 to 12 they are building their personality and deciding what is fair or unfair. And from 12 to 18 they begin to uproot all the beliefs they have about their family,” says Muñoz. This difference and the creation of materials and resources for learning is what makes Montessori become a methodology, as the experts consulted agree. “Positive discipline,” continues Muñoz, “is not an educational method, but a way of understanding life and relationships that can be greatly helped by Montessori when it comes to understanding information about each stage of a child’s development.”
Concepts such as “prepared environment”, “Montessori materials”, “managing emotions” or “attachment” have gained strength as these ways of parenting have been established. And although both the Montessori method and positive discipline “are almost a philosophy of life so they fit together perfectly,” as explained by Miriam Escacena, director of the Expert in Montessori pedagogy and its application in Early Childhood Education program, of the Distance University of Madrid (UDIMA)Yes, there are subtle differences. “Montessori is based on three fundamental pillars: child, prepared environment and accompanying adult. This approach is known as self-education. Positive discipline is more about fostering respect and cooperation as much as possible. It helps us understand the bad behavior or inappropriate behavior of boys and girls,” explains Escacena.
The most striking thing for families when they approach the Montessori method is the amount of material that exists on the market, such as toys, kitchen utensils or furniture for the child’s autonomy. Cristina Tébar, Montessori guide from 0 to 18 years and author of the book Montessori at home (Editorial Platform, 2016) and Blog of the same name, assures that when you enter the Montessori environment, on a physical level, you do see the difference: “While positive discipline is more at the level of relationships.” For his part, Muñoz adds that Montessori does have a part of merchandising: “Although there are always things at home that can be used to teach minors, without having to buy.”
Another difference is the role played by the adult. In Montessori he becomes a guide. “His role is to facilitate the child’s connection with the environment so that sensory learning occurs up to the age of six and intellectual learning from that age onwards,” explains Tébar. While in positive discipline, the adult is a companion in the search for solutions. Psychologist Marisa Moya is in favor of “co-creating resources with students that are an atmosphere of learning, support and empathy. We create concrete resources, not abstract ones.” For example, at their Gran Vía Nursery School in Madrid, from 0 to 3 years old, where they work with positive discipline, they write “a mural of coexistence”, rules and limits about what can and cannot be done. “If children do not have information about what it is like to live in a school, it will be difficult for them to anticipate what is expected of them,” says the expert.
That adult, as a guide or co-creator, has the responsibility of teaching social skills to the child. Montessori considers that the materials and resources created for this learning, such as illustrated albums focused on managing emotions, help the relationship that the child has with his or her environment. On the other hand, “in positive discipline, the compartments are focused on one goal: belonging and contributing,” explains Muñoz. When a conflict arises, the latter seeks to ensure that parents understand “that the behavior of the other goes further and that solutions must be sought that are balanced and respect all people.”
The writer and journalist Nuria Labari wrote in a column published in EL PAÍS, titled Analog or digital adolescence, it won’t matter to you, in relation to technology and the effects of the mental health of minors, that “the solution that adults can (and should) offer is accompaniment as a form of consolation.” Positive discipline and the Montessori methodology are based on attachment through accompaniment from childhood. “They seek to ensure that minors have good self-esteem, that each boy and girl trusts their talents and abilities, as well as their sense of belonging,” explains Escacena. “But for that, the focus first is on the adult changing her attitude,” Moya continues, “on assuming responsibility for our own decisions and transmitting it coherently.”
You can follow Mamas & Papas on Facebook, x or sign up here to receive our biweekly newsletter.
#Montessori #method #positive #discipline #good #tandem #puts #child #center #parenting