The philosopher and writer Luis Castellanos (Madrid, 69 years old) is the author of The science of positive language, The language of happiness and Educate in positive language and has been offering lectures for a decade on the importance of positive language in raising children and the search for happiness. With her latest book, Kind intelligence. How to raise your children to be good and happy people (Paidós, 2024), gives a twist to positive language, creating the concept of kind intelligence, defined by the author as “a person’s ability to love without fear every day of their life.” And it does so by offering an essay divided into three parts, each of which has 21 chosen words—love, kiss, hug, smile, instant, peace, kindness, freedom, intimacy, resilience…—to support and inspire parents in the education of their children.
For the philosopher, kind intelligence is a concept created as a result of what he believes emotional intelligence should be: “Intelligence is the ability to find and provide solutions to the problems of our existence and our life. If we combine it with kindness, it is finding those same solutions we talked about, but through kindness, which is the most sublime part of intelligence.” To approach the book, Castellanos wanted to find out what parents want for their children: “I asked many and I came to the conclusion that what all parents really want for their children is for them to be good people.”
ASK. Is it possible to educate in kind intelligence in today’s society, with so much competitiveness?
ANSWER. It is true that we are in a complicated world in that sense. A world in which we should become aware that the culmination of intelligence is kindness, but we find it difficult to understand it and that is why it is not applied. In fact, all education is intended to provide the social, economic, political and cultural system with manpower. And in that production, kind intelligence does not appear, nor does kindness appear.
Q. Despite this, you believe that it is possible to educate in kindness, don’t you?
R. For me it is the great challenge of humanity. But I believe that since we invented the human being, we can instill kindness in ourselves. If you ask me how we should do it, I will tell you that that is why I wrote the book: based on words. They are my words, but I invite people to invent their own dictionary. I invite parents to do it and, in this way, understand that their children are not perfect, because they are not going to be, and learn to accept and forgive themselves.
Q. Is the best way to educate in kindness, and in anything else, by example?
R. Indeed, the example is a very important part. But sometimes it is complicated in this world where we live so fast. That’s why I like to use words. My suggestion is to think of a word and let yourself be inspired by it; find the most precise soul of that word, inhabit it and use it to play with your child. Because the word is the most real fact. We name everything. That’s why it’s so nice and so educational to teach your child to name. In this way, any word becomes an inspiration.
Q. One thing he writes in the book that stands out is that “to love our children, we must first love ourselves.”
R. That’s how it is. The proof is that if you don’t like yourself, negative words will always come out. When I don’t love myself, language will express it in many ways, in addition to the absence of kisses or hugs. That is why it is so important to love ourselves, not to be so hard on ourselves. Let’s not punish ourselves, let’s not judge ourselves. I think a good way to do it is to look in the mirror and look for the beauty inside us. And that is a very good game to play with your children. It is a beautiful way to educate, because we cannot leave them in the hands of new technologies, networks… Life opens up infinite spaces for you. That’s what you have to teach them.
Q. Do you think networks should be limited?
R. For many reasons, I think so. The first is that when we have a problem we immediately go to the internet. And thus we do not learn to solve problems by ourselves, delaying the critical spirit that is supposed to be created with experiences. We need to go for a walk, go out to see the world; to feel it and embrace it. It is very good that technologies exist (I use them for research), but we must have the intelligence to be able to find solutions for ourselves to the problems that may arise. If a child has not yet developed intelligence and his parents do not help him to do so, another path will have to be found.
Q. Do you think that educating in kind intelligence guarantees that our children will be happy and good?
R. No, it really doesn’t guarantee it, because you also have to take into account the biological and developmental part, as well as your own experiences. What it guarantees is that they use these tools to alleviate their own suffering and so that they do not turn it onto others. This is very important.
Q. One of the words he mentions in his book is “peace.” How to educate in peace in these times of war?
R. I love that word, perhaps because I don’t want to understand that the world is going to continue being the way it is today. The great challenge of kind intelligence is to build inner peace, which is key to building outer peace. That is why it is so important that this concept reaches the educational system. We must teach the ways of accessing the world, of relating, of finding peaceful sources.
Q. Is the educational system prepared to teach caring intelligence?
R. I think so, but it is true that there is a lack of greater commitment to it. The political powers, which are the ones that direct the educational system, need to open themselves to other options. It must be taken into account that kind intelligence is not idealistic. It is intelligence put into action.
Q. In the process of writing the book I was expecting a baby. Now that she has been born, has your way of understanding education, upbringing, and the figure of the father changed at all?
R. Indeed, it has changed. And if I wrote the book again I think there would be more depth. But fatherhood also inspired me. And that’s why I insist that people write their own book with their own keywords.
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