Wedding | No frills or red dresses: Finns don’t want to see these things at weddings

Is it there must be alcohol at the wedding, who gets to wear white? And what would be a suitable amount as a monetary gift?

HS asked the readers’ opinions about the basics of weddings, such as about inviting children and the dress code. There were 1,400 responses, and they paint a picture of a nation that respects the traditional middle ground.

Only the comments of respondents who have left their contact information with the editor have been used in the story.

Dress code

Brides have long preferred white in their dresses. The respondents were clearly in favor of this tradition: white is reserved for the bride, let the guests come up with something else to wear.

However, the wedding dress code also includes other traditional color rules. Many would leave an all-black outfit at home, so that no stranger would watch the wedding of a grieving couple.

Among the other colors, red divided opinions. For others, it’s just a color among others, but some think it contains a hidden message.

“A red outfit on a woman traditionally means that she has slept with the groom. It is impolite to wear a red outfit at a wedding.” Male, 32, Savonlinna

There were other opinions regarding colors, and some of the respondents considered all kinds of color rules to be old-fashioned.

Jeans, hoodies and t-shirts received several mentions in the answers. The verdict was clear: casual clothes do not belong to the party in principle.

“Let’s respect the wedding couple by dressing appropriately for the wedding. Not in jeans and a t-shirt, if it is not specifically stated in the invitation as a dress code.” Woman, 42, Porvoo

Many respondents pointed out that the appropriate outfit depends entirely on the style of the party. The most important thing is to follow the dress code given in the invitation.

Monetary

Few married couples need hand mixers or sauce bowls as gifts from relatives and friends anymore. Money is a common desire, but how much should you give?

The question causes a lot of headaches, and there doesn’t seem to be a clear and one-size-fits-all answer.

In the answers, the amounts ranged from ten to thousands of euros. Many of the respondents emphasized that circumstances matter: to a close relative or friend more than to others, to a well-off person more than to a poor person. Of the individual amounts, 50 euros received the most mentions.

Some think that a guest’s participation in the celebration is enough of a gift in itself.

“Each according to his abilities. The gift can also be intangible, for example a song for a wedding couple.” Male, 41, Helsinki

“For many wedding couples, the fact that the invitees take the trouble to come and celebrate is probably more important than the gift. I myself was embarrassed by this part at my wedding and tried to direct donations to charity with a mystery sum of my choice.” Woman, 43, Oulu

“The closer or the better the financial situation, the bigger the amount. A wealthy great-aunt can give €4,990 without having to pay gift tax on the amount.” Female, 33, Helsinki

Several also pondered the role of a monetary gift in covering the expenses of the wedding. In their deliberations, many had arrived at an amount that would cover the expenses of serving the guests.

Food

The respondents agreed that it is not appropriate to keep guests hungry for hours.

For some, the wedding party includes a slouchy table, especially if the party is supposed to last late into the night.

“Absolutely yes. A wedding without food means a quick turnaround. Food means that we want the guests to enjoy themselves and stay partying until the end. If they get hungry, the guests go out to eat and don’t necessarily come back.” Woman, 60, Pietarsaari

However, dozens of respondents were also of the opinion that food service is not necessarily needed at all. Many pointed out that it would be polite to mention this already in the invitation, so that the guests could be prepared.

Alcohol

Based on the answers, wedding guests today are on average very permissive when it comes to serving alcohol.

As binge drinking decreases, free-flowing wine or constant visits to the mini-bar in the back container are not expected from weddings either.

Many of the respondents considered serving alcohol to be the wedding couple’s own decision, and absolutist couples, for example, are not expected to serve wine.

A considerable number of people still supported a moderate amount of alcohol. For them, for example, a welcome toast is part of the party, and in a completely sober party, the evening would be boring.

“You don’t have to, but a wedding without alcohol would probably be pretty boring. Unfortunately, I did.” Woman, 65, Helsinki

“Of course, you don’t have to, but if you have to, then it’s fair for everyone.” Woman, 54, Pirkanmaa

Concern about the recklessness of alcohol consumption was reflected in several answers. Many had experiences at weddings where even a single guest could create a nasty atmosphere by drinking too much.

“I have been to dozens of weddings in my life, far and wide. In non-alcoholic ones and those where the bride falls straight in the bucket. The golden mean is always the best.” Male, 57, Porvoo

“Alcohol doesn’t make a party, people do.” Female, 33

One respondent brought up a bigger problem than alcohollessness: lack of coffee. He could use a little alcohol, but you have to have coffee with the cake.