It happens to us that sometimes We don’t even know what we have. Nothing suits us. And even though we might consider that in life we have what we need, however, it seems that something is wrong in the ability to experience existence as pleasurable. There is a term that I would like to introduce into our space today: “alexithymia”. It is a word of Greek origin that etymologically means “lack of words to express emotions or feelings”. Has it ever happened to you that sometimes you don’t have any words to express how you feel? Although lately it has become popular to say that we are “nothing to do”, or “nothing to see”, the truth is that sometimes we experience the sensation of falling short when it comes to expressing how we feel. Sometimes it happens to me that people come to consultation and say: “I don’t know what to tell you, nothing happened during the week”. I have already said this before. This matter, then, refers not only to the difficulty that a patient may have in naming his affective states but also to the inability to distinguish one state from another. Not only in relation to painful affects. As I say, it could even be about the difficulty in registering the pleasure of the daily lifeThis last aspect is also called “anhedonia”.
Something I want to highlight at this point is that normally people who have difficulty registering and naming their own emotional states, usually have difficulty registering and understanding the emotional states of the people around them as well. This becomes relevant when Such a situation impacts relationships, friendships, work or academic relationships.etc. In order to get out of this emotional mess, some people choose to adopt a pragmatic attitude towards life. That is, an attitude that prioritizes what is useful and concrete.
How many times have I heard this from couples! – “I just expected him/her to notice.” “It was obvious that what he/she was saying bothered me.” “He/she should have known what I wanted, thought, needed, etc.” But that doesn’t happen.
It is important to mention that we can all experience a situation in life that overwhelms us and we simply do not know how to react, but there are also people who normally function like this, in an alexithymic way.
When faced with overwhelming events, we can become disconnected from our psychological reality: a crash, an accident, an illness, hospitalization, the death of a loved one, etc. We can feel so vulnerable that it becomes very difficult for us to contain the experiences that plague us or reflect on them. Some people, faced with the difficulty of reflecting on their emotional states, vent their emotional discomfort through action: the weekend binge, driving at excessive speed, the constant change of partner or job, etc. To mention some of the situations through which we seek to give vent to the mobilized emotions. In some cases, we even get sick.
It is important to reflect on the fact that, although we have the ability to talk about our emotional states from adolescence or adulthood, this has not always been the case. The baby, unable to speak from birth, much less organize its emotional states, is by definition, already due to its immaturity, according to McDougall, alexithymic. It is the mother who allows the child to recognize in itself how it feels and how to name what it experiences. It makes me laugh, by the way, when I see people playing with a child and asking it where a certain part of its body is (where is the ear, the mouth, the nose?, etc.) and they expect the baby or child to put its hand to the part of the body that it was asked about. In truth, the child is being libidinized by the mother. It is becoming easier for it to think about itself and name its sensations.
I will close by commenting on the following. Many people go through life, as I say, operating in a pragmatic, functional, useful way… operating. But this is often far from enjoyment, from pleasure. Psychoanalytic psychotherapy is an option that privileges a space to name affective states. To talk about that strange feeling that is experienced on Sunday afternoons. Peace and good.
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