“It was an act of love, but also a political act.” This conviction unites the three same-sex couples who agreed to talk to the Brazil Agency on the 10th anniversary of the decision by the National Council of Justice (CNJ) that no registry office in Brazil could refuse to celebrate same-sex marriages. Since May 14, 2013, therefore, this civil registration is no longer a privilege for heterosexual people.
Otávio and Fernando, Fabia and Gabi, Toni and David. The couples that you will get to know better in this report are among the 76,430 who have registered their union with a notary since 2013 across the country. An average of 7,600 marriages per year: 56% between female couples and 44% between male couples. The list of states with the most celebrations is led by São Paulo (38.9%), followed by Rio de Janeiro (8.6%), Minas Gerais (6.6%), Santa Catarina (5%) and Paraná (4 .6%). The numbers are from the Civil Registry Information Center (National CRC), managed by the National Association of Natural Person Registrars (Arpen-Brasil).
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Until 2011, notaries were obliged to ask for a judicial authorization to register homoaffective unions. And the couple’s luck depended on the magistrate who judged the case, who in many cases denied the request. The justification was the absence of a law, which, it is worth remembering, has not yet been contemplated by the National Congress. What changed in 2011 was a decision by the Federal Supreme Court (STF) that equated same-sex stable unions with hetero-affective ones. But it was only after Resolution nº 175, of 2013, of the CNJ that civil marriage was authorized in all registry offices in the country.
otavio and fernando
When Otávio Furtado (44 years old, journalist) and Fernando Gomes (44 years old, lawyer) decided that it was time to get married, there was the certainty that they would have to fight a long legal dispute. The year was 2012 and only homoaffective stable union was officially allowed in the country. The few who had managed to register their marriage had taken legal action. But by a happy coincidence, the union was made official in a simpler and faster way than they thought.
“We filed the papers in May 2013 and normally the whole process took 30 days, which was the standard time for the Public Prosecutor’s Office to state whether there was any type of irregularity. This for any couple, including straight. At that time, the CNJ determined that no registry office could deny registration to homoaffective couples. And our request was the first to be approved in the state of Rio”, remembers Fernando.
In July, they were legally married, and in September, they celebrated at a party with friends and family. The whole process until the day of the ceremony ended up awakening a new awareness in the couple. They say that until then, they had not gone through more serious situations of homophobia. Which they admit has a lot to do with some positions of privilege: they are men, white, middle class, living in a neighborhood like Ipanema, which concentrates a large number of LGBTQIA+ people.
“I always said that I didn’t want to raise the flag because I was gay. And our wedding was the big turning point in my life. For the first time, repeatedly, I had to deal with situations of homophobia. When it came time to organize the wedding, for example, most suppliers were not prepared to celebrate a same-sex relationship. And there was everything, from the person who thought that at the ceremony a drag queen from the ceiling, to people who asked who was going to play the role of the bride”, says Otávio.
From this set of experiences, the two began to worry about guidelines that went beyond the “bubble” itself.
“We thought of marriage as a moment of our own. And he began to realize that it was selfish to think that way. At the ceremony, one of our godmothers spoke about how our decision would affect other people. And then, once again, the realization dawned that this was also a political act, which had already started way back when we decided to register it with a notary. Other situations emerged and showed that I should deepen this path of activism. Using our privilege to open doors for other people”, says Otávio.
Fabia and Gabi
Gabi Torrezani (31 years old, audiovisual producer and doula) got an internship opportunity at Fabia Fuzeti’s video production company (47 years old, videomaker). Over months, the relationship between the two evolved from conversations about work to friendship and then dating. After two years, the idea of marriage came. The request, made by Fabia, is recorded in audio at the beginning of the documentary “Vestidas de Noiva”, produced by the two to talk about both their marriage process, which took place in 2014, and the history of same-sex marriage in Brazil.
“With us it was super easy, the justice of the peace was very sweet, he wanted to take a picture with the brides. But we know that not all notaries were like that. At the time, many people still wrote to us and said that they had tried to get married in the city where they lived and didn’t let them. It was mandatory, but many notary offices claimed that they didn’t register there”, says Fabia Fuzeti.
Until the official “yes” day, the two had to go through some uncomfortable situations. Fabia’s mother struggled to deal with the fact that her daughter was dating a woman. But seeing that other people around didn’t care about the situation, not only overcame the estrangement but also helped with the wedding preparations. Gabi’s grandparents didn’t show up on the day of the ceremony, which made her very sad for the closeness she had with them. But a year later they were present at the launch of the documentary.
The two share a blog called Estrangeira, which over time began to focus on specific experiences of the LGBTQIA+ public. In addition to travel tips on more attractive and safer destinations, they share moments of the couple. They say they were tired of seeing stories with homosexual women always from a negative angle, whether in fiction or in the news: “We wanted to be a model of happy endings”, says Fabia.
Because it is a story still under construction, they think about the next chapters and new struggles that need to be overcome. The couple plans to have children and regrets not seeing more forceful political movement on equality when it comes to maternity rights for gay women.
“For the woman who is not the couple’s pregnant woman to register the baby as her child, the fertilization must have been carried out in a clinic. The two have to take a paper proving that they are married and that they did the process at the clinic. When a straight couple goes to the registry office, no one asks to see the paper with the record of the sexual relationship that generated the baby. Just get there and register. This means that women who do not have the money to go to a clinic, who accept home insemination, are outside the law and need to file a lawsuit. This, for us, is very violent”, says Gabi.
The two defend the need for the Unified Health System (SUS) to offer the right to assisted fertility for all who wish. Today, the legislation privileges only heterosexual couples.
“Assisted fertility in the SUS is for people they consider to be infertile, which are basically straight couples who undergo screening. Healthy, fertile women who need treatment to get pregnant and have access to a semen bank do not fit into this category. An entire population is excluded from a health service that is theoretically universal”, says Gabi.
Tony and David
Toni Reis (59 years old) and David Harrad (65 years old) met at the exit of the Highgate Station subway station, in London, one night in March 1990. Born in the countryside of Paraná, Toni had graduated a year ago in Literature at Federal University of Paraná (UFPR) and spent some time in Europe to study and get to know new cultures. Born in the English countryside, David was married to a woman when he met Toni. From the meeting came the conviction that it was the right time to live a homoaffective relationship. He separated from his wife and in 1991 the two came to Brazil together.
In the new country, David lived for a time with irregular documentation and ended up being arrested in 1995. He had two options to avoid deportation and obtain a residence visa: marry a Brazilian woman or sign an employment contract with a local company. The second alternative was the only viable one at that time, because same-sex marriage was far from being authorized in Brazil. Until in 2011, after the decision of the STF, the couple managed to register a stable union.
“We appeared in the LGBTI+ parades dressed the same as tuxedo, of engaged couples, to draw attention to the right to equal marriage. But beyond the political significance, the registration of the stable union provided legal security that we did not have before as a couple. I got tired of knowing stories of families who wanted to take the assets of their son’s partner when he died. It also made it possible for us to finally realize the dream of adopting children and becoming parents”, explains David.
The civil marriage of the two at the registry office, although authorized by the CNJ since 2013, only took place in 2018. Until then, they considered the stable union sufficient. What made them change their minds was the fear that the election of Jair Bolsonaro would cause the loss of rights, since the ex-president’s homophobic stance was always explicit. They considered living outside the country and wanted more legal protection if they needed to travel with their three children, then teenagers.
“We never needed paper for love. However, it provides legal security for the estate and children. So, it has the legal advantages. And it has political significance. Today, no one can say that we are not a family”, says Toni Reis.
Toni became a reference in the fight for the rights of the LGBTQIA+ population. He was the first president of the Brazilian Association of Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Transvestites and Transsexuals (ABGLT), founded in Curitiba in 1995. He is a specialist in human sexuality, master in philosophy and doctor and postdoctoral in education. For him, the right to marry was an important victory, but there are still a series of challenges to be overcome.
“All of our decisions on LGBT rights were taken by the STF. What we need is to put all these adoption, marriage, blood donation and discrimination decisions in laws that pass the National Congress. It may last five, ten or 50 years, but we will make it. We also want to have our Statute of Sexual Diversity and a statute that protects all families”, says Toni Reis.
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