A few days ago I had met with some friends in a bar at seven in the afternoon. The place had just opened, she had never been there, and it was located in a neighborhood we never usually hang out in. I didn’t spend much time calculating how long it would take me to get there from my house, but instead left when I was ready. When I arrived, I realized that something that often happens to me had happened. I looked at the clock and it had arrived exactly at 7:00 p.m., not a minute more and not a minute less. However, things got even more interesting. Practically at the same time, one of my friends, Irene, arrived. “You know something?” I said, once we had greeted each other and sat down. “It is very difficult for me not to arrive exactly on time. Neither before nor after, but right at the moment.” “The same thing happens to me,” she confessed to me.
From then on, our conversation began to spark. We both began to remember the number of parties to which we had arrived first, right at the time of the call when, obviously, no one had arrived yet. Or dates in which we had wanted to act interesting by making ourselves wait a few minutes and we had failed miserably. It was very striking to me that there were more people to whom the same thing happened, that it was impossible for them to be late.
We live in a world where tardiness is often talked about. Many people have among their distinctive traits that they are always late, but I have never heard of extreme punctuality and its consequences. Will it be as common as its opposite? Is it something impossible to change?
“Even if you try to arrive five minutes late, there’s no way,” Débora, creative director of her own textile design brand and the first person I found who had the same thing happening to me and Irene, answers me. “I always arrive on time even if I try not to and I always have to wait for the other person. I have no idea why I do it. Maybe I’m too organized?” “I think it is important to arrive on time so as not to waste your time or that of others,” says Claudio, purchasing manager for a large pharmaceutical laboratory, who answers questions just a few minutes after sending them. “In addition, I come from a half-German family, where efficiency is what prevails. I also think it has to do with my love of basketball, which is a bit like the army: you have to arrive on time because otherwise your other teammates have to wait for you to start training.” Claudio explains that he always arrives on time because, in some way, he organizes himself to do so. Even taking into account possible unforeseen events. “If the appointment is important, I can leave 10 minutes earlier than normal in case the subway stops or something.”
At the other end of the spectrum is Carla, who performs production tasks in a sound studio. “Being late is something that I have carried throughout my life and that I think I inherited from my mother. In fact, I have come to wonder if it is something biological or learned,” she says, a little jokingly and a little seriously. “The fact is that I have always been late and I think the reason is because I don’t know how to measure the time it takes to carry out activities that I do every day. I always think that they will cost me less than what they end up getting me. In other words, if I have met a friend at seven and I have to shower and go to the Post Office, I can perfectly say: ‘Well, I’ll take the shower at 6:15 p.m. and arrive.’ But then I take a shower at 6:30 p.m. and I still think I can make it!”
“Among the most common psychological causes of being late may be self-regulation problems at a cognitive, affective and behavioral level, little appreciation of the time of others, a low sense of responsibility, lack of enthusiasm or motivation, distractions and low organizational capacity. of time,” explains Dr. Sandra Farrera, clinical psychologist and director of the Bcn Psychology Center. At the other extreme, those who always arrive on time tend to highly value this quality, as Claudio explains, and are usually very good at organizing and self-motivating.
Apart from all this, there are, according to Farrera, a multitude of additional causes that can influence to a greater or lesser extent whether someone usually arrives on time or not to their appointments. “There are cultural factors that greatly affect punctuality. There are countries where schedules are much more flexible and others where arriving late is considered a serious lack of respect. In others, such as Japan, it is advisable to arrive well before the appointment.”
“I come from a place in Andalusia called Granada, where punctuality is governed by other laws,” Carmen confesses, ironically. “When there were no cell phones and you had an appointment, the normal thing was to wait half an hour before considering leaving. If you were waiting at home, being an hour late was normal. I was late, but I wasn’t the most late, I had a friend who could arrive a couple of hours late and didn’t give any kind of excuse, what’s more, when I arrived slightly not-so-late, she gloated about it.”
The psychologist also places family inheritance or new technologies among other crucial factors. Today it is very easy to warn that we will be late, which reduces the guilt of doing so because we have already warned. “Understanding well the causes of why a person cannot be punctual, or suffers from the possibility of not being punctual, can help develop strategies to improve when necessary,” says the doctor.
Effects on self-esteem and perception of oneself and others
“I’m embarrassed to be late and I always wonder how it could have happened,” Carmen says, ruefully. “I am perfectly aware of how bad it is to be late and I always ask for forgiveness.” “Little is said in my opinion about the suffering that, at least for me as an unpunctual person, arriving late causes me,” Carla reflects on her part. “People think that I’m distracted, stupid and that I don’t care about anything, but it’s a lie, it causes me a lot of stress and self-flagellation. I think: ‘Again! Because I’m so? “I’m a shitty person.”
“It is common for punctuality or lack thereof to significantly affect self-esteem and self-perception,” explains the doctor. “Normally, punctuality usually produces a certain feeling of control, of efficiency. By meeting her commitments and arriving on time, the person usually feels more confident and self-assured.” Something that Claudio confirms. “He makes me feel good,” she says. “Even if I arrive a little early. What else do I have to wait? Let people think what they want, for me arriving on time is a virtue and it doesn’t pose any problem to me.”
![Late people feel guilty when they are late, but they cannot help it.](https://imagenes.elpais.com/resizer/v2/W4P2LH33NVCIBAXHSS6I5GXURM.jpg?auth=2d28c71299e9e7736620bf67abaf67e29be93102cdc1c8f45e1bb8ab7a49db29&width=414)
Débora even recognizes that she can feel a certain feeling of superiority: “It is inevitable to end up judging people who arrive later a little.” She also dares to tell an anecdote: “Once a friend invited me and my partner to a barbecue at his house. As always, we arrived first, but we even arrived before the host himself, who took more than an hour to arrive. “His roommate had to entertain us while he arrived.”
“I feel that my tardiness generates feelings of guilt, anxiety and frustration,” admits Carla. “It affects me a lot, because my collective, let me call the tardiness collective, it is not just that we are late, it is that it affects us on a broader level of our lives. For example, I am a fairly social person and I feel like I am dragged along the carousel of life. One thing I practice is double booking, meeting two people during the same afternoon, for example. It always turns out badly and I make both people look bad, but I keep doing it.”
Polychronic and monochronic
Carla would be a perfect example of a person with a polychronic conception of time, following the terminology coined by anthropologist Edward T. Hall in his book The Silent Language (1959). Polychronic people tend to do several things at once without a strict order and easily accept interruptions and changes in plans. Interpersonal relationships are very important to them and are above tasks or commitments. His personal life and his work are very little separated. Latin American, Mediterranean, Arab, African, and South Asian cultures tend to be polychronic.
On the opposite side would be the monochronists, those who prefer to tackle one task at a time and follow an organized and linear sequence in their daily activities. They greatly value punctuality and compliance with schedules and deadlines, showing great respect for commitments and agendas. They tend to meticulously plan their time, structuring their day so that each task has its defined space and is carried out without interruptions. In their work and personal environment they prioritize efficiency and productivity, focusing on completing each task before moving on to the next. In addition, they tend to value privacy and order, seeking to minimize distractions and maintain a clear distinction between their personal and professional lives. Cultures such as the American, German, and Japanese exemplify this approach.
Is it possible to change?
![Punctuality and tardiness are not easy habits to change.](https://imagenes.elpais.com/resizer/v2/RD6MHQ4IO5BFJBMLCVPYTOI3HM.jpg?auth=d352b1fe051d8d4212a0e2db316ff7a242ee7f5237e881dcd6fb08936e4561a7&width=414)
For all this, it is clear that punctuality or tardiness is something that does not seem easy to change. All those interviewed agree that they have tried, although not to switch to the other side, to somewhat moderate their tendency to arrive late or strictly on time. Success, however, has been very limited.
Dr. Farrera recognizes that, although it is not a simple task, there are some therapeutic strategies that can help improve a person’s punctuality. “In the case of tardiness, it is possible, through therapy, to modify beliefs and habits through the cognitive-behavioral approach, which involves changing the way of interpreting situations related to tardiness and developing new routines that promote punctuality. In addition, time planning and organization can be improved, helping the person develop time management skills, establish routines and prioritize tasks. It is also important to work on emotional regulation to manage anxiety, stress and procrastination.” According to the expert, addressing motivation and self-esteem problems is crucial, since these can contribute to tardiness. Finally, developing awareness and responsibility, helping the person to become aware of the impact of their tardiness on others and fostering a greater sense of responsibility, can be beneficial.
Regarding punctual ones, “therapeutic strategies that address the need for control, anxiety and rigidity in time planning can be considered. A cognitive-behavioral therapeutic approach could be beneficial to work on making these obsessive behaviors more flexible and managing anxiety,” says Farrera.
That is if we want to change, of course. We should do it? In reality, after knowing a little more deeply how some people experience their extreme punctuality or pathological tardiness, it is clear that, whether we like it or not, characteristics like these are what define the nature of people and perhaps form a much more part of their essence. than we might think.
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