If there is something that families fear during the summer holidays, it is that their children spend the day arguing and fighting. Almost constant conflicts that stress and overwhelm parents a lot and that create bad mood and discomfort at home. Faced with these disagreements, parents show difficulty in remaining calm and in most cases end up shouting, making comparisons between siblings or correcting only the eldest.
The end of the school year and extracurricular activities entails a radical change in family routines. Schedules become more flexible and this causes the brothers to spend many hours together during the summer period. This increase in coexistence causes more situations of conflict and rivalry to appear. Fighting for the biggest piece of pizza, for the funniest toy, to get into the car or pool first, or choosing the television program or series they want to watch can be some of the situations that trigger fights between them. Of course, we must not forget that conflict between siblings is inherent in the relationship. It is a natural and normal situation that appears spontaneously and is necessary for the development of your relationship. Some disputes that appear because the child lacks the social skills necessary to resolve conflicts adequately, due to the need to find her place within the family, due to jealousy, tiredness or, simply, boredom.
But these fights can become a great opportunity for learning and connection for young and old. They promote the child’s personal, social and emotional growth and help develop leadership and communication skills. Through conflict, the minor learns to negotiate, give in, talk, listen, analyze the consequences of her behavior, make decisions and look for solutions. To understand that there can often be different points of view in a situation and that they do not always have to be right. Families, by managing these confrontations, learn to agree on limits, develop strategies to improve attachment, establish appropriate expectations towards their children and validate emotions.
When two siblings fight, they don’t need dad or mom to light the fuse more by shouting, threatening or reproaching things. At that moment, the adult needs to observe and listen objectively and empathetically to both parties and encourage them to creatively look for possible solutions to the problem. If they become a judge who only sentences and finds guilty, the child will feel that in a conflict there are always good guys and bad guys and that they will always need an adult by their side to tip the balance in someone’s favor.
Keys to reducing fights at home
- Observing throughout the day what situations or circumstances cause conflicts between siblings will help prevent them. Establishing routines, schedules and responsibilities will help the child know what he should do at all times, thus avoiding quarrels and misunderstandings. Ensuring that the child sleeps the necessary hours and maintains their meal times will be key to preventing many conflicts.
- When faced with a conflict between siblings, the adult must remain calm and not intervene if it is not strictly necessary because there is physical or verbal aggression. He must manage not to be infected by the emotions that the children experience at the time of the fight and not position himself on the side of anyone involved, listening to each person’s arguments without judging. A calm attitude will be key to lowering the intensity of the problem and being able to find out what triggered the fight. If the adult yells, threatens or reproaches for things, he alone will make the situation worse.
- The adult must teach the child to show their opinions, desires and feelings with respect, without offending or harming. To explain how she feels and what she needs with affection and tranquility. To seek solutions to disagreements, also taking into account the needs of the other. Trusting the child’s ability to resolve a disagreement will make him feel understood and strengthen his responsibility.
- Once the siblings have resolved the fight, the adult should encourage them to think and reason about how they can prevent it from happening again in the future. Helping them prevent these situations will help reduce most of the conflicts that occur on a daily basis at home.
The child needs to feel that the adult, when faced with a fight between siblings, remains firm and does not take a position, validates his emotions and accompanies the situation in a positive and respectful way. They say that whoever has a brother has a treasure, so as parents we must ensure that the brothers have a positive relationship with each other and there is a lot of complicity. Let them share experiences, help each other in whatever way they can and become great confidants. As the American writer Terri Guillemets says: “There is no other love like that of a brother.”
You can follow Mamas & Papas on Facebook, x or sign up here to receive our biweekly newsletter.
#Tips #prevent #children #fighting #summer