The term ghosting comes from the English word ghostghost, and could be translated as the act of ceasing all communication with a person, whether a partner or a friend, without giving any explanation, closing all doors to a minimal means of communication. In addition, it is done without warning, a fact that causes those who suffer from it to suffer from uncertainty, anxiety or feelings of guilt for not knowing the causes that motivated said cessation.
“It is literally when you abruptly cut off communication with someone or end a relationship, without giving any explanation and ignoring attempts at contact.” on-line and offline of the other person. It is given as a way to avoid direct confrontation and a conversation that can be uncomfortable,” explains Adriana Annino Velázquez (Caracas, 37 years old), a clinical psychologist specialized for a decade in the area of emotions, depression, anxiety and self-esteem and also poettrained at the National Experimental University of the Arts in the Venezuelan capital. Based in Barcelona, the also popularizerwhich has more than 80,000 followers on your Instagram account and collaborates, among other organizations, with Feminism INC —an NGO that works for female empowerment worldwide—acknowledges having more and more cases in its consultation of people who have suffered ghosting. And, he says, the patients are increasingly younger.
He ghosting, A term that began to be used at the beginning of the year 2000, it is not a new phenomenon – it could be said that it has been used all our lives in many interpersonal relationships – but it has increased with the use of social networks. Of course, there is no age limit and it also occurs among preteens and adolescents, generating even more anxiety as it is a stage in the life of a person with a personality and security still under construction. It could be defined as something similar to bullying because it is psychological abuse from the person who inflicts it on the person who suffers it, but with its own characteristics. “Imagine that you are meeting someone, everything is going well, you are starting a relationship and, suddenly, they disappear without a trace,” continues Annino, “confusion, sadness, frustration, doubt and anger are just some of the emotions that could invade you.” The expert clarifies that ghosting It can also occur between friends, colleagues or with whom you have a work relationship.
ASK. What other sensations does it provoke in the person who suffers? ghosting?
ANSWER. Beyond the traditional stages of grief over a breakup (denial, depression, anger, bargaining and acceptance), when it occurs through ghosting Grief is often complicated by the high levels of uncertainty that the person may feel. ghostedcaused by the person’s non-response ghosteadorathus preventing emotional closure and making the process of turning the page difficult. In addition, there is an impact on the self-esteem of the person who receives the ghosting for not feeling valued, respected, worthy of being loved. They may experience it as rejection or abandonment and many times the levels of depression, anxiety, anger and resentment, typical of grieving processes, tend to increase compared to people who end a relationship in a healthy way. Another of the feelings that the person could experience ghosted It is the fear of trusting others. She begins to distrust and closes herself off, to avoid being hurt again. This will make her interpersonal relationships difficult in the long run.
P. What are the reasons why a person does it?
R. Each case is different, it will depend on the person. ghosteadora; of your life history, education, what you want to achieve, attachment style, limiting beliefs, personality, culture, among others. And sometimes these reasons are not conscious, although they are not justifiable either. The reasons are diverse and complex. Some people do it out of fear of conflict, others out of insecurity or lack of emotional maturity. There are also those who do it out of narcissism or manipulation, and even mental health problems. In consultation I have also received patients who do ghosting for avoiding confrontation, but they feel guilty afterwards and express wanting to change that way of acting.
Q. Does this also occur in adolescence? How and why?
R. Of course! In fact, this practice mostly occurs in adolescence, for the same reasons as in adults, also taking into account that it is a stage that is especially vulnerable to ghosting, due to the emotional development still in process, social pressure and influences from friends and lack of maturity. For example, if the adolescent has friends who make ghosting, They may also do so out of pressure or to fit in and feel a sense of belonging to that group. And also because adolescence is a stage in which one is searching for identity.
P. Are there ways of educating teenagers that they behave like this?
R. Of course. There are families, and teachers, with little emotional communication, where feelings are not expressed openly. If feelings are not spoken openly and validated at home or at school, adolescents will not feel comfortable expressing what they feel, so they may resort to the ghosting to avoid confrontation. There are also family dynamics where criticism is constantly used, raising adolescents with low self-esteem, who will resort to ghosting for fear of rejection.
Q. Has the proliferation of social media influenced this?
R. He ghosting It is nothing new, however, technology and the way we communicate with that immediacy and superficiality makes this practice easier to carry out. Communication on-line facilitates the ghosting and normalizes that it is not direct. Additionally, networks can cause a false sense of anonymity, which can make it easier for teens to disappear without feeling the emotional consequences.
Q. How can parents act if their child suffers from it?
R. As a parent, it is essential to offer them a safe space where they can express their emotions without being judged. Validate their emotions and understand the situation, letting them know that their pain is real and understandable, without minimizing it. Help them manage sadness, anger and frustration in a healthy way and recognizing them as part of the natural healing process. Encourage healthy communication and teach them to express their feelings honestly and assertively, which will allow them to build stronger relationships in the future. And, above all, avoid blaming them, the responsibility of the child is to help them cope with their own problems. ghosting It falls on the person who does it, not on the person who suffers from it. If the situation affects you considerably, psychological help would help you manage your emotions and develop tools to deal with these types of experiences.
Q. If they know it’s their child doing it, how should it be addressed?
R. Again, dialogue in a safe environment is crucial to express your concern and the consequences of their actions and how they impact and affect other people, this is precisely what emotional responsibility is about, in addition to helping them develop empathy and compassion for others. Remembering that adolescents are still in the process of developing their emotional maturity and their ability to understand the feelings of others. All this always making it clear that the ghosting It is not an acceptable or healthy way to behave. If necessary, seek psychological support.
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