You already have here a new installment of the sex office that every week brings you 20 minutes. To ask your question, write to [email protected].
These are the answers this week that you have given our expert, Santiago Frago.
Doubts with the trio
ASK I want to include a third person in my sexual relations, but I fear that by proposing it to my partner it will make him feel bad. How can I approach the topic? Miguel
EXPERT RESPONSE: Relationships are not conventional They are not something new and when we talk about “open couples” we are referring to a pact of loving exclusivity, but not erotic exclusivity.
Entering an open relational framework, that is, a liberal framework where couples look for a third element with which to share body and not heart, requires sincere conversations and relaxed, where everyone expresses their point of view on the subject and allows the advantages and disadvantages of the decision to be assessed.
In your question, a contradictory desire is perceived: on the one hand, there is a desire to explore new eroticism and, on the other hand, a certain fear of how my partner will react to my proposal. Personally, I consider your proposal very valuable and your partner should consider it as a fact of life. estimable complicityregardless of how you can fit it.
If you finally decide explore This new experience, it is advisable that your relationship is going through a good moment in the various spheres: emotional, erotic and coexistence, in addition to assuming the inevitable emotional management of personal insecurities and/or jealousy.
If after the conversation you remain in the indecisionI suggest you consult a Sexology professional in your area, so that they can advise you and assess whether this possibility of innovation in the erotic field can bring more benefits than harms.
Symptoms of poor sexual health
ASK What symptoms indicate that I should consult a doctor about my sexual health? I am a 32-year-old male and I have had relationships with three women in the last semester or so. Thanks for the consultation. All the best. Alvaro.
EXPERT RESPONSE The WHO defines sexual health as a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being that includes: respect, pleasure, security and the absence of all discrimination and violence. And Sexual Medicine defines sexual dysfunction as the difficulty or impossibility of the individual participating in sexual (erotic) relations as desired.
In your case, you should ask yourself if the relationships you have had on an erotic/intimate level have been satisfactory. If the answer is negativeyou should specify what discomfort you or your partner have experienced, and in this way I will be able to provide you with some suggestions to resolve the situation.
The expectations that are created on the erotic level are usually associated with the relational dynamicswhich in your case have been temporary, and therefore more difficult to consolidate.
Boy Mocking
ASK How can I overcome sexual performance anxiety? I’m getting more and more tired and I feel like it less, and I’m very young, 29 years old. My friends tell me that they are very fiery and that they often seek to have relationships with their partners (two are married and a third, like me, is not).
I’m starting to notice that my boy gets annoyed by this. He doesn’t tell me, but I see signs of his anger. I need your advice. Thank you. Beatrice.
EXPERT RESPONSE It is difficult to give a simple answer to your question without knowing information about you regarding your health status, taking or not taking medications, lifestylerelationship dynamics and couple sexuality.
The persistent absence of erotic thoughts, fantasies and motivation to access the erotic encounterin the presence of adequate stimuli, is what defines a hypoactive or inhibited sexual desire.
If we rule out that your desire is affected by some relational conflict, heartbreak, predictability of the erotic encounter or by the side effect of some drug, it would be advisable to evaluate and, if necessary, avoid what I call “mortgage game”.
This game basically consists of the impossibility of allowing oneself, even temporarily, “have no desire.” That is, a series of mortgages are put in place that annul the possibility of the desire being expressed. I list some:
1. “You wish to have desire.” And of course, desire and obligation are incompatible. You cannot want to have desire.
2. “The full-time availability of your partner”, that is, you perceive that your partner is always available and waiting. This is another mortgage.
3. You are a young couple. This means that it is “socially obligatory” to have erotic (sexual) relationships, especially if you are in good health, love each other and do not have children.
4. “I am currently unhappy with my body.” This drop in body self-esteem can affect your desire.
5. Relational conflicts and/or lifestyle incompatible with the well-being of the couple.
6. “Assume how the erotic encounter is going to go.” That is, routine and erotic laziness.
7. The fact of contrasting with friendly couples and feeling that others are doing very well in the erotic field is another anxiety-generating mortgage.
My suggestion is the following: both of you are clear that at love as a couple You have to dedicate yourself, that is, you have to take care of the relationship. But I add this key: “you also have to dedicate yourself to eroticism as a couple”, that is, you can’t wait for your desire to knock on your door, you have to call on desire to enter your life. And that means incorporating time, space and sensory stimuli into your life as a couple.
If after these instructions you continue in the same situation, go to a Sexology professional in your area and have them perform a therapeutic approach.
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