If the start date of your relationship is close enough to the Christmas season, you are probably at a crossroads: whether or not to take your partner to Christmas lunches and dinners. Do you want to participate in the Christmas plans of the other but deep down you know that the relationship is new enough… and you don’t know part of the family yet!
There are certain situations in a relationship that indicate the moment in which they are and Christmas dinners are, without a doubt, a key moment. On these special dates when we get together with our loved ones and so many emotions are mixedit is normal to consider inviting our partner for the first time. However, it is a decisive moment, so it is crucial that it occurs at the right time.
For this reason, the dating app Adopte (previously known as Adopt a Uncle), wanted to shed some light on this more than possible uncomfortable situation and offer all couples the appropriate tools to get it right.
A new step in the relationship
«Taking our partner to a Christmas party for the first time usually means progress in the commitment of the relationship, since it involves making the other person participate in a moment in which there is a lot of emotion to be with the people who love each other the most. », declares Mara Mariño, couples therapist, sexologist and specialist collaborator of Adopte. This means an important step with which to establish the relationship and make it clear to the other person that we are committed to a future with them. The question is,it’s the right time to take that step?
«When making the decision, you can take into account if you already know each other well enough“If the idea of inviting them produces excitement and the feeling that it is something you really want to do and if the other person is also excited to be part of the family celebration,” advises Mara. If these conditions are not met, it may not be the right time and it is better to wait. In the conceptualization of ‘slow love’ that Adopte defends, relationships are built over time, little by little. Only in this way can we build a good foundation. It is not necessary to force things.
We may also observe symptoms that we are not inviting her for the right reasons. For example, if we do it for social expectations (what they will say, what the couples around us do…), or if we don’t see a future or stability with that person, the best thing to do is not to move forward and wait to see how it evolves.
Tips for a successful first Christmas dinner
If, finally, we consider that it is the perfect occasion for a first Christmas dinner together, Mara Mariño, in collaboration with Adopte, recommends that we follow the following steps:
“Talk in advance with the family so that they are aware and can express their opinion beforehand, or provide important information such as dietary restrictions, topics that may be sensitive, cultural differences, etc.,” says the expert. It is important that our family is well informed and comfortable with the situation, and can also provide a good welcome to the couple. If both parties are not in agreement, or there is certain crucial information that has not been shared, unnecessary misunderstandings may occur.
«Notify the couple and have their approval so as not to take them by surprise, since it can feel like a trap. Know in advance what you are going to find and can express concerns or simply let out your nerves (normal due to the desire to fit in)”, explains the expert. Asking what she thinks, preparing her and giving her a safe space to express her agreement or, on the contrary, her discomfort with the situation, is essential.
On the other hand, it is important, once you get to lunch or dinner, to be aware of the other person. As Mara Mariño says, it can be tempting to spend hours catching up with family or friends They see each other less frequently, but leaving the couple alone in a new environment can be overwhelming. “We must serve as support so that our partner can adapt, relax and enjoy,” he says.
«Maintain manners and positive conversation. Being the first time participating in a family Christmas celebration, with the relaxed tone or the confidence of being in our circle of trust, we must pay attention to certain jokes or comments. In case they happen – because we can make mistakes and screw up – it is better to clarify it in private and not discuss it in the middle of the table,” says the therapist. Sensitive topics such as politicsit’s probably best not to bring them to light.
«Take care of family dynamics with the in-laws: each couple is different, each family too. You have to understand that the rules and codes differ, and even if you don’t understand it, it must be respected,” says Mara Mariño. Although we see unexpected situations or hear things that surprise us, we must adapt to the reality of each family, and not impose our own. This is very important, because many times we make the mistake of thinking that everyone should act like us.
«It is important to work on reciprocity and not just expect that it is always the same person who attends family celebrations. We all want to be with our loved ones on these dates and it is just as important that our partner comes to spend it with our family as it is to offer to do it the other way around.” Empathy is a crucial value in a quality relationship. If we expect our partner to make an effort and behave in a certain way towards us, we should too. The simplest thing to avoid misunderstandings? Alternate with a different family every year.
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