Salvador Minuchin (10/13/1921-10/30/2017†), tells us that, in Western culture, there is a tendency to consider human beings as individuals independent of the constraints of the environment. We lose sight of the fact that we are actually immersed in a large system where we are all interdependent, and that, to a greater or lesser extent, the actions taken in the “individual” sphere affect others; as well as the decisions of others affect us. We cannot avoid the presence of the other.
Among human beings it is very natural to come together to “coexist”. We are beings in relationship. In that understanding, whether it is about the family, or not, we need the company of others.
The family is the natural context to grow and to receive help. The family is a natural group that over time has developed patterns of interaction.
These constitute the family structure, which, in turn, governs the functioning of family members, defines their range of behaviors and facilitates their reciprocal interaction.
We need the family to set limits and allow us to grow with clear norms and rules, since, in the end, it will be that same functioning that is replicated in society. Do we not need to be taught to put garbage in its place? Do we not need to learn to respect elders? Do we not need to be taught a sense of duty and responsibility? Take off your uniform when you get home from school, put your used clothes in the laundry basket, take your after-meal plate to the sink. Etc. Oh, moms. You who say: “Poor little son, after all, it costs me nothing”. The point is that the rest of society cannot be expected to tolerate the incivility of a spoiled child as well.
Have you had to drive in Culiacán lately? It’s chaos. No one is willing to give way, yellow is for speeding, the pedestrian must run to get safely to the other side of the street. We have lost sight of the very idea with which it began; that we are beings in relationship.
But no, Culiacán is a kind of “every man for himself”. Well, it is true that one cannot generalize, since there are many people of good will.
Let’s continue with Salvador Minuchin, in his book Family Therapy Techniques.
It tells us that each member of the family learns to recognize, with different levels of awareness and detail, the geography of their territory. That is to say, each one is aware of, and incorporates what is allowed and what is not, of the forces that oppose atypical conduct, as well as the nature and effectiveness of the control system. In the best of cases, the transgression of these rules of coexistence should have consequences of the highest affective value: Guilt, anguish and later, desire for reparation. That would be an indicator of mental health.
At least in that sense, perhaps we need more neurotics who are reminded by the superego of the limit.
Dad, Mom, we need you, you and your rules. It’s part of parenting.
Help your children in the sublimation, in the best of cases, of their aggressive impulses. Otherwise, there can be no society.
How? Reaching coexistence agreements at home, establishing consequences for the infraction of said agreements, training in values, giving quality time. Allowing spaces for the free expression of emotions.
And also say it, why not, giving up the narcissistic desire to be recognized and loved as the best dad, or the best mom. When the son receives the censure, he sees the father and mother as bad, for not giving in to his whims. Over time, he discovers the good they were doing him.
Sigmund Freud tells us that educating, governing and psychoanalyzing are three impossible commitments to fulfill. We, trained mental health professionals, will take care of the third. That is our commitment to society. But please, we need you guys to take care of the first two. Greetings, until next week. Peace and good.
#Session #Individualism #society