Now that I’m retired, I’m getting all my girlfriends out of the stable. Neat people. We have been vaccinated and have been dating for years. We are no longer too fat and we drink in moderation. Only Putin made us wake up in a rage. Girlfriend one only showers three times a week, with the other “19 degrees is the max”. I leave the diner of number three with chattering teeth, longing for liters of wine, a carton of cigarettes and firing until a bikini suffices.
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A version of this article also appeared in the December 24, 2022 newspaper
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