Between the ages of twelve and fifteen, Javi – “a super-small and super-thin boy” – suffered “the physical and psychological violence of the typical group of bullies” every time he went to school while the rest of his classmates were silent, “because who? Is he going to want to take the side of a poor wretch at an age when we are desperately trying to fit in? A hell in which everything kept a macabre “hierarchy”: “There are the ideologues, who are usually the ones with the worst drool.
Then there are those who exert brute force. And then there are a lot of people complicit with the aggressors, who are silent because approaching the outcast and exhibiting complicity with him can be dangerous. And, at the bottom of the well, he, “a bookworm” terrified. A child with high capacities who “hated Mondays, because they meant going back to the slaughterhouse.” Always also in silence, because “there is nothing more embarrassing for a kid of that age than saying to his parents: ‘Hey, do you know that they are beating me every day and every day too?'”, he recalls today, turned into Javier G Recuenco, a Madrid businessman with businesses and “a lot of friends in Asturias” who, at 52, continues to bear the consequences of those unfortunate days in which he often had suicidal thoughts.
«This is not something that you can throw off like someone who takes a shower and leaves. When you feel so humiliated, you wake up many nights remembering it. It is a trauma that you have carried with you all your life and now, for better or for worse, I am a product of all that,” says someone who felt abandoned even by the school that had to ensure their well-being. “Deep down, everything everyone knew the cloth, but everyone looked away. In general, schools cover up all these things that nobody is interested in coming to light. And less, in the eighties, when bullying was not even talked about ».
but it can come
to dilate until
the 18 and 20 years
THE BULLYING
often happens
between the
They can cause aggression
occasional light
until the Four. Five%
aggressors
severe:
2 – 12%
suffer or have
suffered bullying
2 – 16% of
children and youth
They tend to use more
physical violence
They usually do it
‘indirect’ ways
(muttering /
defamation)
They admit to having suffered an episode of
mild violence up to 80%
SOURCE: Report ‘Bullying and cyberbullying’ of the General Council of Official Colleges of Psychologists
but it can come
to dilate until
the 18 and 20 years
THE BULLYING
often happens
between the
can cause
occasional assaults
mild until Four. Five%
They tend to use more
physical violence
aggressors
severe:
2 – 12%
suffer or have
suffered bullying
2 – 16% of
children and youth
They acknowledge having suffered
some episode of minor violence
until the 80%
They usually do it
‘indirect’ ways
(muttering /
defamation)
SOURCE: Report ‘Bullying and cyberbullying’ of the General Council of Official Colleges of Psychologists
Something has changed since then in a country in which one in ten primary school students says they suffer or have suffered bullying, according to the first check on the general climate of coexistence in Spanish classrooms promoted by the Ministry of Education in many years, whose publication coincides with the consternation unleashed by the suicide of Claudia, a victim of this scourge in Gijón.
In this work of more than three hundred pages directed by a team of experts from the University of Alcalá, the percentage of victims coincides with the little more than 10.5% of students who say they have witnessed bullying of other classmates and is consistent with 7.7% of parents who know or are convinced that their child is being insulted, harassed or attacked by other students. The proportion is also not out of place with the 4.5% of primary school students who confess to researchers that, on some occasion, they have harassed one of their classmates.
The experts emphasize that this is a “sufficiently relevant” figure – it would be equivalent to some 200,000 harassed schoolchildren – for the centers to “review” the approach they are giving to bullying situations.
How to detect if your child is bullied
-
Absenteeism
Skips class and avoids talking about school-related topics
-
Fear
Wait until no one is around to get to or from school or look for alternate routes
-
mood
Expresses sadness, apathy and sometimes also aggressiveness
-
Anxiety
Shows nervousness and anxiety outside and inside the classroom
-
Social relationships
He has difficulties in social relationships with peers, he isolates himself, changes his groups frequently, looks for younger friends or adopts the role of buffoon
-
Money
Ask for or take money without wanting to say what you need it for
-
Nervousness
Gets upset when the phone rings
-
secrecy
It hides when you communicate over the internet or phone
-
Abandonment
There are notable variations in his leisure activities: he abandons hobbies
-
Ratings
Decrease in their usual academic performance
The document also highlights the important role that teachers and the closest circle of peers must play in minimizing or ending bullying. A point on which the lawyer specializing in children’s rights Ruth Miranda, who also offers training to teachers, also emphasizes: «I always tell them that they exercise the most important profession, because they have the key to know what is happening before nobody. We must bear in mind that we are talking about pre-adolescents who are looking for role models and, if we manage to establish a good relationship with them, they can find a way out in us”. So her recommendation is very clear: “I know they have a heavy workload, but you have to find time to look them in the eye every day and, when something is detected, tell your family members. And, in that sense, recess is very important, because it is where you can best detect how they relate to each other.
Miranda defends that it is time to face this problem “multiplied by social networks” without half measures, “as has already been done with gender violence.” She wants to “break the silence” that she still surrounds in many of these cases, because “in such an individualistic and frantic society we are too used to looking the other way.” And she remembers that “we are talking about minors and bullies are also victims. Something is failing with them and you have to give them tools. Because, furthermore, if the victim sees that she does not work with the aggressor, she will feel unprotected ».
How to detect if your child is a bully
-
Aggressiveness
Has aggressive behaviors at home or at school
-
Violence
throws or smashes objects
-
Irritability
Gets angry easily in games
-
psychological aggression
Humiliate or ridicule your peers
-
verbal aggression
Insults, names and/or criticizes their classmates
-
Social exclusion
Marginalizes and influences peers to marginalize someone
-
Teasing
play nasty jokes
-
lack of control
Has a low tolerance for frustration
-
lack of control
He is impulsive and does not control his reactions
-
School performance
Poor academic performance and little motivation to study
Beatriz García, a counselor at the Loyola School in Oviedo, also emphasizes the capital importance of prevention, where they work in this regard from Infants, with an emotional intelligence program. Although this educator sees cracks in the system: «For example, the establishment of prevention programs that include families and that promote mediation should be strengthened, in addition to providing more resources to the centers if we are talking about the profile of the counselor or the welfare coordinator and open greater channels of coordination with mental health services.
Teresa Bobes, a psychologist at the Health Service of the Principality of Asturias and an associate professor at the University of Oviedo, understands it in the same way and underlines “the relevance of the role of neutral observers. In other words, all those young people and adults who witness such violence and, although they do not actively engage in aggression, do not prevent or propagate it either. It is with these third parties that you have to work, because they have the power to change the situation. She urges her – she maintains – “to keep our eyes wide open and get involved in the suffering of others”. Because, as Luis Jiménez, president of the Asturian Psychiatric Society and also an associate professor at the University, recalls, “no one is free” from this scourge and “any child can be a victim and bully.”
Javier G. Recuenco stopped receiving beatings when his body “began to respond” and “they stopped smelling his fear.” “I suddenly grew six inches and the hosts began to fly, but I do not recommend my personal path to anyone: eat all this only. You have to ask someone close to you for help –for example, an adult who has gone through the same thing–, because you can survive or stay in any curve as happened to Claudia ».
#hated #Mondays #slaughterhouse