The Volvo EX30 is an anonymous, synthetic device, a fusion snack

Summary of this time: nothing works anymore. Repairing bridges and aqueducts, forming cabinets, behaving decently in broadcasting, living together peacefully – there's no chance. Passenger planes suddenly lose doors high above the earth. Boeing has been around for over a hundred years. What happened there? Massive debilization? Wrong economy?

From now on we can also ask Volvo. The EX30, an electric mini-SUV below the larger XC40, does not lose any doors – although there could well have been two fewer, because you cannot sit in the back anyway. His fickleness is disturbing. First the ambient lighting goes out, then the infotainment screen with the complete operating menu, quite difficult. That you know. And you should know, because the Netherlands is ordering the vehicle en masse. This is not possible. It's a Volvo and a Volvo does it.

Is the EX30 really a Volvo? He became one through a complicated detour. Volvo belongs to the Chinese Geely. It also owns the brands Polestar, Zeekr, Lynk & Co and Lotus. In order to maximize the cash flow of this portfolio, the group plans as many models as possible on one chassis. For example, the EX30 is on the platform of the Zeekr NRC discussed Smart #1, bastard child of Geely and Smart owner Mercedes-Benz. So I knew in advance what to expect from the EX30, no matter how Volvo emphasized having the final say on chassis tuning and steering.

Zoom in for all the details of the Volvo XC30Click on the points for an explanation of the detailsMerlin Doomernik

Both are fine, that's for sure. But the EX30 is just as anonymous a synthetic device as the Smart. The already softened Volvo DNA, rewritten into fat-wheel language for nonsense representatives, found its Waterloo in this fusion snack. The EX30 makes a culturally torn impression. Volvo stumbled over the thin line between austerity and visual poverty.

The dashboard is a countertop with a stone print and the only decoration is that part-time screen. It is meant to be daring and not a face. The beautiful door handles are mounted on a panel with the same print, a piece of Volvo on a partition wall by Leen Bakker. Outside, the style falters equally half-heartedly. The proud diagonal line through the Volvo logo on real Volvos became a thin stump. As if Dick Bruna still owed Miffy's nose one line but breathed his last along the way. In profile he looks bruised like a bound foot.

I'm from the Volvo generation that still wore herringbone jackets and doctoral degrees in science. After the style murder at the old-fashioned, angular Volvo station, the brand was hijacked by communications professionals and bullshit managers. This dwarf will not turn the tide, partly thanks to an easyJet-like entry price of less than 37,000 euros. The Suitsupply guys won't say no to that. The EX30 feeds the logo sensitivity of a new generation of Volvo drivers for Opel money, but a real Volvo carried its own genes, prioritized content over form and space over style. We didn't worry about what it cost, it lasted forever. This accountant's anxiety affects us painfully.

Nice clock

On my last drops of Volvo loyalty, I praise the upright ventilation grilles and the centrally located glove compartment that does not get in the way of knees. The seats are first class, the extendable cupholders cleverly hidden in the center armrest. I have difficulty with the turn signals, which react erratically when tapped. And I find it difficult that at night I stare into space, just like in Teslas, because there are no meters behind the wheel. Put a nice bell there. Yes, I already know Volvo's reaction. Doesn't fit the style philosophy. It couldn't happen, they mean. The Chinese management wanted the Tesla man to be able to buy a real brand for less than a Model 3, that was probably the underlying idea. Raise your hands in despair to heaven with peace of mind, the headroom is great. It is better news than the consumption, which with 21.5 kWh per 100 kilometers will not worry Elon Musk. A carefully driven Model 3 reaches 12. You can always achieve three hundred kilometers, but that can be better with a battery capacity of 64 kWh. To the credit of a strong brand profile, the new Volvo is deftly getting away with it commercially, but not forever.

Away from those Chinese, Swedes. They eat up everything that our kind of people rightly honored in you. Give me a real design again with real space and real switches that cannot be set to black. Otherwise I'll come to China and talk to my almost thirty-year-old 850 Estate. It still drives to Hangzhou in one go, I swear to you.

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