The Netherlands may be a small nation, but the Dutch are known for many things: bikes, cheese, coffee shops, windmills and being the tallest people in the world.
However, there is one thing they rarely do: Dutch people don’t usually say “sorry”.
Experts like Saskia Maarse, an intercultural trainer, say that there is a cultural reason behind this.
“The Dutch are known for being direct, which means that their messages are clear and precise. Whereas, in most countries the style of communication is indirect, which means that to understand them you have to consider their underlying values,” Maarse says.
“The style of the British, for example, has a lot of courtesy, diplomacy and tact. In the Netherlands it is more about transparency, honesty and frankness,” adds the specialist.
How do people from other cultures see it?
For foreigners living or moving to the Netherlands, it takes some effort to understand this curious habit.
Verena, who was born in Indonesia, says that Indonesians are not direct at all.
“We tend to turn things upside down when we speak. Whereas the Dutch when they have something to say they say it to my face and are direct about it. They go straight to the point,” he says.
For some, the style of the Dutch may sound abrupt, although they understand that it is a cultural matter.
The BBC took to the streets of Amsterdam to collect opinions on this unique feature.
“Young people are very good on their bikes. They always apologize. But other people, older generations, don’t. They don’t say ‘sorry,'” says one of those interviewed on the street.
“If someone in a group says something annoying, I persist and then I understand why. It may be for something positive, or not, and in that case I say something to them. I am polite in that sense,” says an elderly woman.
apologies that are really felt
Of course, as with every trend, there are exceptions.
Rami, who is from Syria, says he has been dealing with the Dutch for three years and they say “sorry” often.
“Generally, they will say ‘sorry’ if they really mean it. The British, for example, say it to be more diplomatic or polite, whereas we say that we should only apologize if we really mean it,” explains Maarse.
“If I know I’m to blame, I’ll say I’m sorry. I can’t stand injustice,” says another Dutchman interviewed on the street.
The curious historical root
This cultural tendency has a curious historical and practical origin.
As Maarse explains, this direct communication style is part of a culture of consensus.
“If you look at history, we have a common enemy: water,” says the expert.
Centuries ago, the Dutch were forced to work together to find solutions to the different problems caused by water with rises and floods.
“They would sit around tables and have long discussions and deliberations. You had to be honest in ideas, thoughts and opinions in order to find a common solution,” says Maarse.
The specialist says that also, to take all opinions and ideas seriously, people had to see each other as equals.
A deeply ingrained factor that is still part of their communication style.
misunderstandings
This Dutch directness can cause translation problems, especially for people from other cultures who for whatever reason, especially trying to be polite, don’t always say what’s on their mind.
“When we present an idea and someone [no neerlandés] tells us: ‘oh, that sounds interesting’, we thought they were interested, but it could also be that they were not interested and that they think it’s a bad idea, “says Maarse.
“The challenge then for the Dutch is to find out the real meaning of the words. Although we speak in English [o el mismo idioma]does not imply that we get the real message,” he adds.
For nationals of other countries, Maarse says, it can also be a challenge not to be shocked by this directness because, while it means being honest and clear, it is sometimes perceived as being brusque or even arrogant.
More “sorry” than “sorry”
Het spijtme is a phrase they use in Dutch to express a kind of next level to a “sorry” common to other cultures and languages.
“Het spijt is more serious to me than saying ‘sorry’. It really comes from the heart,” says Lynn, from the city of Maastricht, in the southern Netherlands.
“It involves more: a story, a situation,” explains Maarse.
“A ‘sorry’ is a ‘sorry,’ but het spijt me is a real real ‘sorry.’ Only apologize if you really mean it. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it,” Lynn advises.
Perhaps we can learn from the Dutch to use this phrase with all the care it deserves.
Remember that you can receive notifications from BBC News Mundo. Download the new version of our app and activate it so you don’t miss out on our best content.
BBC-NEWS-SRC: https://www.bbc.com/mundo/noticias-63129403, IMPORTING DATE: 2022-10-08 10:40:06
#reasons #people #Netherlands #dont