Last month I wrote an article in this newspaper that went viral in which I explained that I had been writing down my happiness for 20 years. I was reading the comments out of curiosity to see what people think about the subject, and I found exactly what I said in my article. post to avoid: happiness gurus everywhere. Some advise me to stop being so negative, others, that what I have to do is look inside myself, others, that I should stop depending on others to be happy. How had I not realized this?
Obviously, in these 20 years I have dealt with this type of people many times and I am already cured of fear. Most of them tell you with great confidence how to be happy when things are going well for them, and when things are going badly, they disappear. Years ago I found a couple like that and they almost convinced me. It seemed like everything was going well for them, that they never argued and they gave me advice constantly, something that made me feel somewhat imperfect. Strangely, every so often they would disappear from my life without warning and within months they would return with stories of self-knowledge, personal improvement and success. Over time they separated and I discovered that in those periods when they didn’t call me they were actually angry and in several of them they had been on the verge of divorce. In other words, they didn’t call me because they were ashamed to admit that, after so much advice, they were as imperfect as I was.
After two decades of meeting people like this, I no longer believe the story that you have achieved happiness because you focus on the small pleasures in life and I don’t. Instead, listen to my advice: when things are going well for you in life, have a little humility with those who are doing badly, because you have been there and you will be there again.
It’s the least of my worries that they’re trying to trick me into thinking that this is true. What worries me is that there are inexperienced young people on our social networks who absorb these stories like sponges and end up thinking that they’re the only ones who have problems in life. Friend, you see, the article I wrote went viral because in it I express truths that everyone feels, but few dare to say: that parenthood is difficult, that I have been unhappy and I still am. If people didn’t feel it like I do, the text would not have gone anywhere.
Curiously, many journalists tell me that I have courage for opening up so much, something that surprises me. Why shouldn’t I open up if that’s what I feel? Do others hide their true feelings? How do people connect with others if they can’t tell them their internal struggles? I don’t know any other way, and the truth is that in general being honest with what I feel has brought me many friends who finally found in me someone who feels the same as them. I invite you to do the same.
The last sentence of my last article said “let’s stop fooling ourselves”, but in light of the reactions to my article I want to reinforce that message:
- If every Friday you come home drunk and feel like no one will ever love you, you should know that we’ve all been through those feelings.
- If you don’t get along with your parents, we’ve all been there.
- If you can’t get it up on your first night of sex because you’re nervous, even though no one will admit it, it’s something that has happened to all of us.
- If seeing yourself in that photo has lowered your self-esteem, welcome to the club.
- Do you have ongoing problems with your partner? Believe me, you are not alone.
- Do you feel like your life is monotonous and boring compared to everyone else’s? That makes two of us.
In short: a-c-p-e-c-e-d-e-t-h-e-n …
Alexander Cencerrado He is a physicist, Big Data expert, analyst at the Copenhagen Institute of Happiness and author of the book ‘In Defense of Unhappiness’.
You can follow THE COUNTRY Health and Wellbeing in Facebook, X and Instagram.
#Deception #Perfection #Happiness #Gurus #Dont
