Have you ever heard of “phubbing“? In case the answer is no, know that it is a combination of the words “telephone” and “snub”, with the word describing something we have all been subjected to at one time or another – and also of which we have all been guilty – or rather the all too common experience of being ignored by someone in favor of their smartphone.
It’s an annoying habit, sure – just think there’s even been a national “Stop Phubbing” campaign in Australia – but is that all? Research suggests not, in fact phubbing has been linked to all kinds of adverse outcomes, from lower quality of communication with higher rates of loneliness and depression.
The problem of pubbing also occurs in romantic relationships, and these may suffer, as well as when the parents do the phubbing, and the basic psychological needs of their children may remain unmet.
“Ironically, phubbing is meant to connect you, supposedly, with someone through social media or text messaging, but it can actually severely disrupt your in-person relationships in the present moment.”
he said at Time in 2018 Emma Seppälä, psychologist at Stanford and Yale universities and author of Happiness Track.
And as far as in-person relationships go, there’s one very important characteristic to consider: your social intelligence. But if phubbing can affect the former, does that mean it’s affecting the latter? Is staring at our smartphones really reducing our social intelligence? And if it is, is there anything we can do about it?
When it Columbia University psychologist Edward Thorndike originally proposed the concept of “social intelligence” in 1920, he gave a rather simple definition:
“The ability to understand and manage men and women, boys and girls, to act wisely in human relationships”.
But in practice, what does it mean? Modern social scientists break the concept down into a number of traits: socially intelligent people are effective listenersfor example, and good conversationalist. They understand the unwritten rules of different social interactions and know how to handle the impression they make on others, they know how to make other people work and how to settle disagreements that arise when it happens.
In short, “social intelligence” is everything we associate with that friend we’re all a little jealous of. It’s being popular, it’s tact, or “street smarts,” it’s being able to please and fit in, essentially, it’s the opposite of social awkwardness.
And it’s very important. Thorndikein his original 1920 article on the concept, wrote:
“Social intelligence shows itself abundantly in the kindergarten, courtyard, barracks, factories and sales rooms, the best mechanic in a factory can fail as a foreman for lack of social intelligence.”
Is phubbing then connected to low social intelligence?
It’s not nice to think of ourselves as socially unintelligent, but equally difficult to square the characteristics of social intelligence with the inherent concept of phubbing, after all:
“if your … partner is on the phone, it means that he is prioritizing something else than you“
Seppälä stressed.
And not only does staring at your phone screen instead of engaging somehow preclude the two characteristics of “good conversationalist” and “effective listener” of social intelligence, it doesn’t do much for your reputation either, as according to Seppälä :
“Telephone users are generally seen as less polite and attentive – and as poorer conversationalists.”
But somewhat surprisingly, the relationship seems to go deeper than that. A 2021 study –who actually found phubbing to be linked to lower social intelligence– noted that this effect was less pronounced when a physical magazine, rather than a smartphone, was used to ignore a conversation partner.
“Reading a magazine was viewed positively, while using a smartphone was viewed negatively. Being engrossed in reading a magazine was considered more understandable and even described as admirable, sometimes even if it led to being ignored by the engrossed reader.
The absorption in one’s smartphone has never been described positively and has even been described as “enraged”.
the researchers wrote.
The reason? According to the researchers, people simply don’t like smartphones, and consequently who phubs using them.
“Magazines have been described as educational, civilizing, and helpful for developing concentration, while smartphones were thought to destroy the ability to concentrate.”
the researchers noted.
One participant went so far as to say that being phubbed would be more annoying than being “magubbed” (assuming a “magazine + snub”) despite knowing that her partner was reading exactly the same article in both the magazine and on the phone.
For others, however, it was precisely the lack of that knowledge that made phubbing uncomfortable.
“When a person is holding a course textbook, it is clearly assumed that they are studying and not looking at the Instagram photos of their favorite influencer,”
the researchers wrote, however if all you see is your conversation partner staring at a screen, how do you know if you’re being ignored in favor of an important exposition or something more frivolous?
“Without understanding the nature and purpose of the activity that leads to being ignored, the sense of being ignored remains undefined”, “With a smartphone in hand, one could study or look at Instagram photos”.
explains the document.
So, repentant phubbers: is it possible to reclaim our social intelligence and abandon phubbing for good? Fortunately, the answer appears to be yes on both counts.
“Social intelligence…is mostly learned,” wrote Ronald E. Riggio, professor of leadership and organizational psychology at Claremont McKenna College, in 2014. “[Si] it develops from experience with people and from learning from successes and failures in social contexts”.
While there is some evidence for a biological basis for social intelligence, it is far from the “born with it” quality it may sometimes appear to be. The physiological underpinnings involve things like mirror neurons, for example – the still somewhat mysterious brain circuits that allow us to understand and empathize with others. We all have them and we can all use them: it’s just a matter of learning the right habits.
“Here’s an example of what works,” wrote Daniel Goleman and Richard E. Boyatzis for the Harvard Business Review in 2008. smiles and laughter in return… Being in a good mood, finds another research, helps people collect information effectively and to respond in an agile and creative way. In other words, laughter is serious business.
The good news is that, as connected as they are, increasing your social intelligence is likely to reduce your phubbing rates on its own. After all, improving the former involves tactics like mindfully paying attention to those around you and practicing active listening, both of which are considerably more difficult if you’re just doom-scrolling on Twitter.
“Study social situations. Pay attention to what people are doing right and what mistakes you want to avoid. Next, think about what you want to do differently in the next social situation you get into,” advised Amy Morin, editor-in-chief of Verywell Mind and a clinical social worker and psychotherapist.
“Be proactive about improving your skills,” he added. “And remember… sometimes you will be wrong. He learns from your failures as well as your successes.”
As for phubbing, at least one study suggests that kicking that habit might be quite easy, actually. You don’t even have to ditch your smartphone — all you have to do is try to resist the temptation.
“We believe that at least having the cell phone available improved perceived concentration skills because the device remained accessible and brought psychological comfort to the participants,” the study authors wrote.
“In contrast to other work suggesting that cell phone use may have interpersonal consequences for conversation dynamics, our data suggest that intrapersonal benefits may be perceived for those who at least have the phone in front of them compared to those who do not.” .
It may not be easy, but with higher social intelligence associated with higher job satisfaction, popularity among coworkers, and overall life satisfaction, it’s a change that could be worth it.
“Social intelligence isn’t easy to master—if it were, there would never be another awkward conversation at a party,” Morin concluded. “However, working toward strong social intelligence can lead to a richer life — or, at least, an easier time making a few new friends.”
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