Some are an almost direct ticket to failure, avoid them unless you know the recipient very well.
Oh, the art of knowing how to give gifts … within the reach of so few people, although we all believe that we are aces on the subject! Of course, out of education, almost no one dares to make us see that our gifts horrify or disappoint them. But do we have the same regard for others when we look for something to give as a gift? The obvious answer is yes, but then why do we screw it up so many times? «A gift is a ‘gift’. And it requires thinking about the other and, above all, showing that there is an interest “, censors the psychologist José Ramón Ubieto, who considers that the lack of success when giving gifts is still a lack of empathy, on the one hand, or a display of supreme laziness, which is also a possibility. Who does not always go with a fixed shot, for the typical tie, socks, the usual perfume of the ‘receiver’ or a cup of breakfast (which never hurts)?
In this way we try to ‘kill’ the stress of looking for the right gift. Because not all people fit that mission well. There are people who are anxious about not knowing what to give. This is one of the reasons why, sometimes, there are relatives who prefer to give money. “The lack of information is the cause of this feeling,” warns neuroscientist Diego Redolar. “When human beings have to make a decision, they like to have contextual information. If you don’t, the prefrontal cortex is forced to strain to decide what to do, and this can lead to anxiety. ‘
In fact, some studies indicate that the expectations that are generated can turn gifts into a stressful experience: when a gift is given, we are on the alert and see if there are any clues that can indicate whether the recipient is satisfied or not. If we don’t get the response we expected, such as a smile, we may be disappointed. Similarly, the recipient may feel coerced into showing satisfaction, even if it is a gift they don’t want. How much pressure! While there is no magic bullet to get it right, here are some notes on some of the riskiest gifts.
An overly personal option
Perfumes
The more personal a gift is, the greater the risk. And smells are our ‘brand’, so it is rare that someone is 100% correct with our tastes. An odor that does not identify you or that directly disgusts you is something that you dislike carrying to almost unbearable points. “The sale of perfumes has increased by 30% in recent months, due to the return to the offices, the return to social life and the desire to get ready. To this increase must be added the increase in sales that perfumes traditionally have on these Christmas dates, which is usually 20% “, indicate the experts of the e-commerce company Nutritienda.com, which has developed a catalog to guide the clueless about which aromas to choose according to the personality of the recipient of the perfume. Fruit trees -subtle and not very burdensome- for shy and flirtatious people, oriental for the most sensual, woody for those who want to enhance masculinity, sweets for almost all tastes …
Only if you don’t put in a commitment
Books
There is nothing more unpleasant than having to read a book that seems like a lead or garbage by commitment, for the simple fact that the ‘gift’ is going to ask us how are you. Because another maxim to give well is this: do not give the recipient work, or require a sacrifice. For example, if you buy someone a book to learn how to do yoga but that person has never shown interest …, you are going to ‘force’ them to get on with it. That is not right. «It is to screw up», indicates Ubieto.
In my house, only I control … or not?
Decor
Surely you have ever entered a house and seen that the decoration is too heterogeneous, with disconnected objects, difficult to explain. Like a cross-stitch embroidered painting in an avant-garde living room. Well, behind these excesses there is usually a lot of gift that people see in the commitment to place in their home. It happens a lot with the crafts of the grandmother or the children. We return to business as usual, to Ubieto’s thesis: we have thought about looking good ourselves, not the receiver.
Socks, ties, agenda …
The classics are horror
“It is better to give someone a ticket to the cinema or to a climbing wall, an ‘experience’. Something that he has not done before and surprises him – says the psychologist -. This choice implies accompaniment, appreciation and favors the bond ».
Humans and primates love gifts
“When we receive a gift there is a double benefit: the pleasure regions of our brain are activated (neuronal reinforcement system) and also our most emotional brain”, explains Diego Redolar, neuroscientist and professor of the Studies of Psychology and Educational Sciences of the UOC. “We humans and primates really like to feel that someone has cared for us,” he emphasizes.
But receiving an object or an experience as a gift does not have the same impact on a person’s memory. «Material things are forgotten more quickly. Normally, an experience corresponds to an episodic memory that has more emotional connotation, ”says Redolar.
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