The letter to the Three Wise Men is not always easy to manage. Not even for the children, who find it difficult to decide, overwhelmed by so much offer; nor by the parents themselves, worried about the number of packages their children may open at these times, but who are also excited to fulfill their wishes. “The ideal is that there are few gifts, but well-chosen ones,” emphasizes child psychologist Silvia Álava. But how much is little? The theory says four, five at most. «More would not be positive for their training. In the end, they don't even have time to play with them and that means they don't value everything they bring them enough. It is essential to teach children to choose between all their desires and to put on the menu only what they need or are truly excited about,” advises the expert.
But the reality is different. The average number of gifts per child in Spanish homes is ten, an amount that specialists consider exorbitant. «Christmas parties often become an all-you-can-eat buffet of toys that does not benefit the development of the little ones. They are hyper-represented and hyper-stimulated, with an impressive number of plans. We have to be careful with these types of situations because we are raising insatiable children, with very little tolerance for frustration,” lament the experts. Hence, limiting the number of gifts that children ask for from the Kings seems like a good strategy to avoid precisely this syndrome of the over-gifted child.
They can't decide alone
That is why it is important that both children and parents are clear about a series of requirements before starting to write the letter. «First of all, the catalog is looked at together and the toys are selected together. Many parents think that children have the ability to choose on their own and that is not the case. “Children go crazy with so much offer and it is necessary to guide them.”
“In addition, the online advertising they consume on platforms such as YouTube, almost always without supervision by an adult, can be very persuasive,” warns María del Mar Grandío, professor of Communication at the University of Murcia. In this sense, the expert warns about the phenomenon of child influencers, “who appear in videos playing with products from certain brands that the children who see them are unable to identify as advertising. In fact, several studies highlight that this way of presenting products directly affects the consumption of the little ones, especially those under 6 years of age.
What if you had to pay for it?
Experts also advise reaching an agreement with the rest of the family (grandparents, uncles…) and asking them to collaborate to agree on both the number of gifts and what to give to each child. Another recommendation: to find out to what extent the child wants a gift or whether it is simply a whim, ask him if he would buy it with the money from his piggy bank. If the answer is no, remove it from the list. It is also not bad to leave a gift pending for the following year. «It is a way to learn to manage frustration. “They have to understand that things don't always happen when they want.”
A book, always
Taking into account the advice of experts, these are the keys to preparing “a letter with a head” following the rule of the four gifts. «One of them should be used to put on (clothes, shoes…), another to read, a third that is something you need (a backpack for sports, some soccer boots, a kimono for judo, colored pencils to replenish the broken ones…) and, finally, a gift that makes him very excited,” summarizes Silvia Álava. The psychologist recommends including a board game for the whole family on this wish list. “They learn to manage frustration, but also to respect the rules, values… And they can play with their parents, which is one of the things that children like the most.” It is also a good opportunity to give experiences: an afternoon of movies and popcorn with the whole family, a ticket to see your favorite team, a special snack with your cousins…
Have the Kings gone too far?
If on Christmas morning, the child has tired of the gift after fifteen minutes, he plays more with the wrapping than with the toys, none of them convince him and he wants more, there are unopened packages and he hasn't even noticed… Clearly Melchior, Gaspar and Baltasar have gone too far.
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