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Off-road vehicles? They cannot go off-road. This is what the British Advertising Standards Agency has just established: it banned the broadcast of a Toyota commercial which showed (horror!) Hilux 4x4s traveling off road. The motivation is almost incredible, but unfortunately true: “in the images you can see people driving their cars without any respect in off-road environments and in natural ecosystems, without any regard for the environmental impact that this driving causes”. Result? Advertising withdrawn.
Almost more incredible, however, is Toyota’s response which instead of defending its cars and instead of claiming the fact that off-road vehicles were made to go off-road, actually apologised, claiming that 4x4s serve bodies beneficial, they allow you to reach inaccessible places and are essential for firefighters or other police forces. A flow of honey. Thus, in fact, justifying the English agency that rejected the commercial where Toyota Hiluxes travel in herd-like formation across a river bed. A madness within madness because off-road vehicles are normally attacked when used in the city and because England is the home of Land Rover and Range Rover which effectively invented 4x4s. Alright.
Gino and Michele 32 years ago they wrote a memorable piece with an emblematic title (The Whore, Cherokee Limited TD 4 x 4) for the book “Saigon was Disneyland in comparison” by Baldini and Castoldi. They were the first to understand the growing hatred towards SUVs. And they joked about it wittily. We present it to you in full with the certainty (unfortunately) that someone at the British Advertising Standards Agency and some crazy environmentalists will take it seriously. Yes, because in the meantime, from 1991 to today, even the intelligence to joke about these issues has been lost.
The Whore
We deliberately let things settle. We wanted to reflect calmly. This is how it was, therefore there is no trace of emotionality or superficiality in our stance. The point is this: we support the death penalty. Not generalized, mind you. But the blonde and haughty lady with the leopard fur and the white poodle sitting on the green Cherokee Limited TD 4 Ursoline San Carlo Institute, forcing anyone who passes by to wait at least five minutes of additional and free queuing (six days a week for ten months of the year, from September to June), well she must die. We have nothing against this lady, we don’t even know her name (we in the group who are lucky enough to spend every day in Viale Majno between 12.30 and 13.00 call her pleasantly “the Whore”, but we doubt that is her real name) , therefore it is not a personal matter. However, she must die. She just has to die.
Thinking about it better and so as not to be misunderstood, we do not want to say that we wish death to the blonde and haughty lady. We, more simply, would like to get it for her, passing over her with her shameless Cherokee Limited TD 4 x 4, and then also putting it in reverse, because in her mirror it seemed to us that the white poodle was still showing signs of life. This despite our love for animals which is enormous.
But at those levels even beasts cannot be completely innocent.
What then: if at the sound of the bell from the Ursulines twelve blond and joyful children came out and took their places on the Cherokee, kissing their mother and kicking the poodle’s ass (if you haven’t seen it you can’t understand), then never mind, it could be closed keep an eye out: a Jeep for thirteen people and a dog is almost a saving in terms of space. The fact is, but you can already imagine it, that a little blonde girl weighing 18-20 kilos gets into the Cherokee 4 x 4 and, if I may use the term, barely occupies the place of a fart. Besides, not to be followers of Lombroso, but judging by the expression, it takes the little idiot seven years to finish high school, not five like all Christians, with everything that follows in terms of queues.
In truth, this tiny daughter of the Big Whore (but, as we said, we’re not sure that’s her real name) is causing us some tears. Within us the debate is intense: should she be executed too or not? The «Yes» Front does not accept mediation: you just have to close your eyes to see it in twenty years’ time parked in Viale Majno in the second row with a luxurious, enormous TD truck waiting for a blond child, the very small son of the daughter of a very big Whore ( let’s call it that and never talk about it again). So it’s better not to take any risks. The «No» Front, on the other hand, is trying to buy time: you don’t eliminate a creature because of a suspicion. And then, to be honest, perhaps the blonde and haughty lady also has some mitigating factors. Maybe she lives in the countryside and the jeep is a necessity for her. A very blessed cock: the Puttanone lives in via Maggiolini l, exactly 480 meters from the Ursoline San Carlo Institute in viale Majno. We followed her and there are no Madonnas.
For this reason everyone must die: mother, daughter, grandchildren, dog, husband and lover (do you want someone with that name who doesn’t have one?)
Now sorry but we have to go. It’s Thursday, it’s 12.47, we are in Viale Majno and we are about to extricate ourselves. One last effort, the arrow to the left, a look to see if the one behind lets us enter, a little braking because the plumber on the red R4 in front of us leans towards the blonde lady and haughtily shouts at her: “Move over, Troione!” (this is the first time the plumber has stopped by: he doesn’t know her by name yet) and then off to deliver the piece in favor of the death penalty. A piece that probably tomorrow, rereading it, we will be ashamed of having written, so the guaranteeists can also do without sending us a copy of On Crimes and Punishments. And then, let’s face it frankly, in Beccaria’s time there were no Cherokee Limited TD 4 x 4s.
#Environmentalist #madness #4x4s #Gino #Micheles #Puttanone #FormulaPassion.it