On January 1, thousands of people from all over the world doubted whether or not to open their Instagram. They feared falling into a loop endless number of perfect New Year's Eves, parties with unlimited budgets and groups of large, sexy and hilarious friends. Maybe his New Year's Eve party hadn't been remotely similar to the ones she expected to meet. There was a very high risk of a kind of FOMO [miedo a perderse algo] retroactively overshadows its celebration; that the comparison destroyed the memories of him as the bravest of the tsunami. A strong vital dissatisfaction that, even keeping the Meta application closed, made them feel sad and miserable.
Those who feel challenged by this story probably suffer from 'perfect moment syndrome', a curious concept that has begun to spread on the internet in recent months and that tries to condense that feeling of being overwhelmed by disappointment when our experiences – usually events , parties or vacations—do not meet the high expectations we had placed on them. People affected by this syndrome tend to focus on negative details: that the candles on the cake were not lit properly, that the sky was cloudy for a long time, or that the decoration was a little poorer than they imagined; which causes them a general feeling of dissatisfaction and difficulties in enjoying the moment in question.
“I believe that the 'perfect moment syndrome' is related to different factors, but the main one is the impact of social networks, where we are bombarded with images of beautiful places, enviable moments and very emotionally intense experiences,” he summarizes. Barbara Tovar, expert psychologist in anxiety and stress with more than 20 years of experience behind her. “Those poststo which we can also return again and again, make us aware of a reality (or supposed reality) that is very different from ours, and create in us the need to inhabit those lives.
It is in times like this that comparison is claimed as one of the greatest threats to our mental well-being, since it is almost impossible to face the perfect lives that are reflected on some social networks such as Instagram or TikTok and come out unscathed. In relation to them, our life seems dull, empty. “This is because in our culture we link our happiness to external factors and not so much to internal factors such as calm, love, laughter or feeling at peace with ourselves,” continues the doctor.
“I think this problem is closely related to a term that family therapists use. Juan Luis Linares when she talks about 'the honorable façade,'” the psychologist also points out. Laura Esquinas, “which is related to those families in which, regardless of what happens at home, they try to show an image of happiness and well-being, ignoring that darker side. A bit like the term that has traditionally been used of 'dirty rags are washed at home'. That's why I think this concept is closely related to the whole belief that happiness is outside, that you can achieve external well-being and that it is possible to always be well.”
The effects of 'perfect timing syndrome'
According to Esquinas, the consequences on the mental health of those who feel this way is continuous frustration. “They tend to blame themselves for the fact that their life is not as perfect as they would like it to be,” he emphasizes. “When this happens, the search for the perfect moment becomes a continuous source of inferiority complex and self-harm.”
“On other occasions, chronic stress problems also occur,” adds Tovar. “That is, it makes you feel tired, fatigued, unbalanced, that you feel like you never disconnect, that you need to interact with other people or rest.” For the psychologist, this syndrome is also a kind of “pessimist factory”, since it creates a vicious circle in which our mind becomes accustomed to being more aware of everything negative that we have in our environment as opposed to the sublime of a supposed perfect moment that we never reached.
How to deal with 'perfect timing syndrome'
“Perhaps the first thing I would recommend to those who feel this way is to reduce the time they spend on social networks, the medium through which they receive those photos or videos of perfect situations, because constant viewing feeds back the feeling of emptiness,” explains Tovar. “On the other hand, I would also encourage them to cultivate more daily habits, routines that satisfy their personal needs for rest, leisure, laughter, play… Finally, I would encourage them to implement psychological strategies that would help them sustain their mood in internal factors and not external factors. For example, practicing yoga, meditation, some type of sport, activities that help you harmonize internally without depending so much on the context or external factors.”
Several studies, like this one from the University of Utah, affirm that the practice of mindfulness can be a good remedy to better cope with these types of sensations. When we focus on what is really happening in each moment, we are able to appreciate it and not think about what could have been and was not. “With mindfulness, what we achieve is learning to be with our senses present in what we are doing, whether it is having breakfast, showering or kissing our partner, instead of fantasizing,” warns Tovar.
For his part, Esquinas clarifies that “for the practice of mindfulness to be useful to us, we need to have prior work to change beliefs and internalize the idea that the perfect moment does not exist. There are unforgettable moments and magical situations that can be beautiful, although they are rarely perfect. To some extent, we can influence their occurrence by paying attention to what we like and following our inclinations and passions. However, there is a part of the experience that is beyond our control. Mindfulness can be of great help in this process. By being aware of each step and moment while experiencing a situation, we can better manage our expectations. Although we understand that perfection is not realistic, mindfulness can be a valuable resource when we face the frustration of not obtaining the expected results.”
Finally, Esquinas recommends to control this syndrome “pay attention to what we want to do or what we would like to do; not in the result that we are going to achieve with it, nor in what is going to happen. The idea is 'I'm going to do that because I feel like doing it', and put the focus there.” Of course, that would be an interesting goal for 2024.
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