What does happiness taste like? For many it is a lifelong pursuit, which never seems to be answered. For others it is made of simple things, small gestures that make you smile. “Happiness is an emotion, it is not a permanent state and as such it is destined to have a short duration. We cannot define it as a point of arrival, but as something that happens within our lives, our relationships. Our minds have evolved throughout history to give us the ability to survive, not to be happy. According to scientists, happiness depends on our control, genetics and external events. So our approach makes a difference,” he explains Costanza Fontani, psychologist and emotional-behavioral coachon World Happiness Day, which is celebrated today.
Can we learn to be happy? “The stimuli that trigger this emotion are many, different for each of us – replies Fontani – The American psychologist Paul Ekman has identified 16 types of happiness. The first are linked to sensory pleasures, others are for example relief, pride towards ourselves or towards someone to whom we have a bond, gratitude, joy. These emotions are often expressed with a smile. When we are happy we smile and with the corners of our mouths turned up we want to communicate our openness and trust towards the world around us.”
Here are the doctor's tips for achieving this state of positivity.
Recognize what makes us happy. Happiness is an emotion that we have inside us, we just have to recognize it, live it, and understand what triggers it, what we need to feel good. We must question ourselves about what situations give us well-being. Recognizing them is the first step in being able to retain that feeling for a long time, that state of mind that can last over time.
Living in the here and now. To be happy we must learn to live in the here and now without remaining anchored to the past. Living looking backwards, in fact, does not allow us to appreciate what we have and what we have become today. Even living in the future with unrealistic expectations regarding events that will happen and to which we give an immeasurable meaning limits us and does not allow us to recognize happiness, but above all it can generate great disappointment and sadness in us.
Accept all emotions. More or less pleasant emotions alternate throughout our day: we must accept them all and give ourselves the opportunity to experience even the unpleasant ones. This is the basis of our emotional well-being.
Be sure you deserve happiness. We must recognize our value and have the certainty that we deserve happiness by appreciating our essence and accepting our identity. We cannot think that we are always happy, because every time we don't feel that way we think that there is something wrong with our life and our relationships and we immediately question ourselves. Relationships are important to be happy, but they must be quality, we must learn to choose without fear and let go of what doesn't make us happy. Letting go isn't easy, but when you learn it you find the joy of putting yourself first.
Set goals. Having a well-defined purpose in life, very specific objectives allows us to be happier. However, we must not have the conviction that we necessarily have to be: the more happiness becomes our sole goal in life, the more we will fuel frustration and disappointment. According to Japanese philosophy, the secret of happiness is ikigai, life purpose, motivation, personal direction towards happiness, everything that makes life worth living. Furthermore, having a strong purpose leads us to have a longer life.
Look for it (and find it) within yourself. We often chase this state of mind feeling frustrated at not finding it, we fail to understand that that much-coveted happiness depends on us and on our ability to see reality with different eyes, it is within us and only there can we look for it. We must have the courage to be happy, without fear of daring or taking risks, without fear of leaving our comfort zone. We must not be afraid to choose or make uncomfortable decisions, we deserve to feel good and to share our daily life with people who are in line with our values and give us positivity.
Recognize your goals and values. To achieve happiness it is important to recognize your values and be aware of your direction. This will allow us to face the problems that life presents us with more ease, helping our mind to respond to adversity in a balanced way.
Finding space for yourself and your loved ones. Carving out time for ourselves and for the things and people we consider important makes us happy and grateful towards life. And often making others happy makes us even happier and more satisfied. This is why we must include others, embrace them, aware of the fact that we cannot be happy if those around us live in difficulty. True happiness starts from ourselves, but is built together, Fontani comments.
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