This feeling leaves a mark at different ages, not only in old age
In our heads, loneliness is ‘something’ that happens in the final stretch of life. We talk about unwanted loneliness, the ‘bad’ one, the one that weighs heavily. But it is not like that, this feeling can arise at all stages of our biography. In fact, life could be understood as a roller coaster made up of phases of a lot of hustle and bustle and company and periods of the opposite: of lack of shared illusions, social supports and loved ones. «Loneliness is not exclusive to any age group», argue Melania Moscoso and Txetxu Ausín, CSIC scientists and authors of ‘Soledades. A cartography for our time’ (Plaza y Valdés editorial). Why is no age group free from it? Firstly, because it has a subjective variant –we can feel alone even though we are surrounded by people– and, secondly, because there are events “such as the loss of a loved one, leaving the labor market, breakups of a couple and migrations” that mark high peaks of loneliness at any moment of our existence. Paradoxically, the arrival of a child – due to the change of life that it requires and the abandonment of the usual social connections – also tends to trigger very strong feelings of loneliness (and difficult to explain). So no, loneliness is not a situation or feeling reserved for the last moments of life. Let’s see what forms it takes at different stages.
“During childhood and adolescence, loneliness can be experienced due to lack of family roots, cultural shock or disability”, indicate Moscoso and Ausín. The little ones who do not find safety references and those who must change their usual environment for whatever reason may notice a deep sense of loneliness.
In addition, in childhood, loneliness has a lot to do with the need to belong to a social group, one of the main ones of the human being. And in childhood it is very evident: being part of a group of equals becomes a priority already at a very early age. If they don’t see it covered, the little ones perceive that ‘something bad’ is happening. According to a study conducted by researchers from Harvard, Stanford, Curtin and Western Australia universities, self-reflection is one of the most effective weapons to alleviate loneliness. The drawback is that in childhood and adolescence we do not have this resource.
“The sociologist Robert Castel alludes to young people who ‘sweat the fat drop’ in a precarious situation, who chain one precarious contract after another and for whom their social life is reduced to brief meetings that are not inserted in a vital project”, they highlight the authors of ‘Soledades’. So yes, being young and very active we can feel tremendously lonely. “There is research that indicates that suicide was, before the pandemic, the third cause of death among those under 30 years of age in our country. According to the latest data from the Spanish Association of Paediatrics, it is already the second, and in fact it is calculated that the percentage of the population that has had suicidal ideas in the last year in the age range of 15 to 29 years is 25.7 %, more than 10 points above the general population”, reveal the researchers. At this vital stage, loneliness is expressed as the inability to share our concerns or fears with someone. “For example, the group of migrants, made up mostly of young people, is often lonely,” they add.
We arrive at the halfway point of life with everything more or less settled, shouldn’t we reap the fruits of our efforts in previous years and enjoy a stage of great company and social ties? There are obstacles typical of this stage that dynamit this claim. What are the causes of our loneliness? “Variations in family structure, empty nest syndrome, changes of residence and intensive dedication to care,” list the CSIC scientists. Is there something that stops the ravages of this bouquet of factors? “Yes, insertion in the labor market,” they add. But when this stage is over…
We are not prepared to stop our activity in its tracks. After working life and raising children, comes a stage that has traditionally been empty of content. We feel unproductive and alone. To this we must add that “phenomena such as the loss of loved ones, illness and life in institutionalized contexts” often occur that trigger the feeling of loneliness. Although, paradoxically, from the age of 60 the feeling of happiness is greater than in the years prior to the age of 50, according to a study by the United Kingdom’s Office for National Statistics.
HOW NOT TO COPE WITH IT
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Obsessing over a thought makes us go into a loop. -
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Blaming other people for the situation worsens our state. -
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Thinking about catastrophic situations, such as that we can get sick, suffer an accident or be victims of a robbery at home being alone…, increases the burden. -
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Deliberately avoiding contacts is a big mistake.
Hypervigilance, expanding epidemic… The most negative side
Neurobiology has addressed the issue of loneliness. The researchers Hawkley and Caccioppo explain that the subjective perception of social isolation, which is how they describe loneliness, leads to a state of hypervigilance that makes the environment perceived as threatening. This, of course, creates anxiety.
According to researchers at the Center for Social Impact, unwanted loneliness “is a form of suffering” that is weighed down by what they call the “stigma of failure.” “Loneliness has a huge negative impact on physical and mental health and quality of life (cardiovascular problems, decreased immune system, psychological disorders, suicide…). Suffering from loneliness is a bad life”, highlight Melania Moscoso and Txetxu Ausín. This is supported by numerous studies. Dhruv Khullar, a physician and researcher at Weill Cornell Medicine in New York, notes that loneliness is linked to disrupted sleep, abnormal immune responses, and accelerated cognitive decline among socially isolated individuals. He called all of this “a spreading epidemic.”
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