In the Jewish faith, you become an adult at the most awkward moment possible: when you turn 13. You are mature enough to read the Torah and accept the responsibilities of adult life. But in reality you’re probably a scared kid.
That was the case when I had my bat mitzvah in 2003—mortifyingly having my first period shortly before the event—and that’s the case with the new Netflix movie “You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah.” my Bat Mitzvah), based on the young adult novel by Fiona Rosenbloom.
The film, directed by Sammi Cohen, tells the story of Stacy Friedman, played by Sunny Sandler. (Sunny is the daughter of Adam Sandler, who plays her father in the film.) Stacy longs to dream of a spectacular bat mitzvah with her best friend, Lydia Rodriguez Katz (Samantha Lorraine), but the uncomfortable realities of high school intrude, including the humiliating cruelty that only a resentful 13-year-old can do. show. Over time, Stacy learns the lessons that come when she breaks out of the cocoon of youth.
“You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah,” like other films and shows before it, demonstrates that when a bar or bat mitzvah is portrayed on screen, it can often serve as a clever device for exploring the fun and strange transition of childhood to adolescence.
At the same time, Hollywood can get too caught up in the lavish spectacle of these events, stripping them of their cultural or emotional significance in favor of jokes about the party’s superficiality. The films “Starsky & Hutch” (2004) and “Safe Men” (1998) found jokes in criminals attending bat and bar mitzvahs.
“Keeping Up With the Steins” (2006), directed by Scott Marshall, begins with an extravagant “Titanic”-themed soirée attended by the Fiedler family. The father, Jeremy Piven, tries to match the grandeur of that event for his son. In the process he reunites with his own father (Garry Marshall), a reunion facilitated by his son (Daryl Sabara). It’s a hackneyed tale that uses the over-the-top bar mitzvah hook.
To find a film that weaves a bar mitzvah into the fabric of its Judaism, watch the Coen brothers’ “A Serious Man” (2009). For a bleaker portrait, there’s Todd Solondz’s “From Forgiveness to Forgetfulness” (2010), where Timmy’s (Dylan Riley Snyder) bar mitzvah coincides with horrific discoveries about his father. Timmy’s perception of becoming a man, as he describes in a speech he is writing for the occasion, is to not let himself be trampled even if it means being “just tortured.”
It’s hard to get darker than what Solondz offers, but even some of the most light-hearted b’nai mitzvah stories can have a dark edge. In “You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah,” Stacy lashes out at Lydia over a boy and spreads gossip about her. Her petulant act may seem minor, but it has a lot at stake, as anyone who has been betrayed by a friend knows. “Real kids are complicated and messy,” Cohen said.
And it’s true. And it’s nice to see that filmmakers sometimes portray it well.
By: ESTHER ZUCKERMAN
THE NEW YORK TIMES
BBC-NEWS-SRC: http://www.nytsyn.com/subscribed/stories/6890414, IMPORTING DATE: 2023-09-12 20:30:09
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