They say there is nothing more beautiful than a child’s smile. But few parents talk about its dark side, the dark side: a child’s tantrum after school. We put ourselves in a situation. You have had an exhausting work day, with your adult things, your problems, your anxieties, your annoying clients, and with the hum of the mental load shouting: “Don’t forget to prepare a healthy, balanced, sugar-free, vegan snack.” , hand-made with love, accompanied by a motivating message and a smiling drawing, all stored or wrapped in an ecological and sustainable container.”
And, of course, you had to eat quickly or not eat at all to run out and get to school on time to pick up your child among the first. Let it never cross his mind that you haven’t remembered him and that he will stay there abandoned, enduring the reproachful looks of the people in the secretariat.
You anticipate the joy of family reunion, as if it were a sitcom American, with hugs and kisses and enthusiasm because the family is together again, even if you have only spent half a day without seeing each other. You put on your best smile, stick your head out the door waiting for happy eye contact, and then your child sees you. Are fireworks shining at that moment and everything is like a Taylor Swift concert? Well no. Because your child’s face breaks into a grimace of discontent, as if he was expecting spaghetti for dinner and you, treacherously, have given him a plate of cold vegetables.
If it is a child in Kindergarten, he will let out a protesting “I don’t want to” and, perhaps, he will not move from the class, waiting for the teacher to encourage him to leave. If he has already been in Primary for a few years, his complaint will be more verbal, like “hooooooooo”, accompanied by a grimace of disgust, and instead of a hug he will shoot you a direct question, like: “What’s for snack?” or “Can this guy come home to play?” And, of course, if you don’t let the friend come home to play, or the snack isn’t exactly what he expected, we’ll also have drama. And if your children are preteens, they may pass by you without even showing that they have seen you and want to walk at a distance, without turning their heads to check that you are following them, carrying their backpack and making sure they don’t get kidnapped.
Be that as it may, normally all the possibilities come down to two options: the verbalized complaint “I want mom to come” (or dad or grandpa) or directly an uncontrolled tantrum like a child’s child. Exorcist. This, of course, leads you to fake a damage control fake smile, maintaining your composure as you feel yourself falling apart as a parent.
Experts say that if the child transmits these emotions to you it is because he loves you, needs you, feels comfortable with you and missed you. But no matter how much they say, at that moment, you have the stomach ache of having come to the race with food in your mouth or the hunger of not having eaten, with your back sweating from the sprint and the explosion of rage at the rejection and humiliating looks from the rest of the parents. Because of course, why are your children going to make trouble at home with whispers if they can scream and explode at the classroom or school door, blocking the way for other families waiting to enter or pick up their children? creatures?
At that moment, not even Álvaro Bilbao arriving on horseback can rescue you.
But there are several things that will help you overcome these crises with integrity and elegance. Here are six tips:
- Think that you are not alone, because this happens to everyone, to those who are very involved in parenting and also to those who arrive late every day. It’s part of the fatherly journey.
- Although these rejections break your heart, you have to stay calm and not react with anger or revenge, because that will block the child even more (and, incidentally, give you a bad image at school).
- Your role must be that of a Zen teacher, stoically enduring the tantrum, because you know that it is not something personal, but rather the adjustment of their childish emotions, which have been paused or contained during all school hours. Your child’s brain, especially in the Infant stage, works like this, and we will not make him mature faster by making him feel guilty for destroying you emotionally.
- Hopefully, the other parents who come to pick up the kids have also been hit with the tantrum roulette several times. They will give you a face of empathy and understanding, and if that is not the case, you already know who you will have to look at when they screw him over.
- If teachers are nearby and want to intervene, let them help you.
- And finally: even in your child’s most warlike moment, think that in half an hour it will have passed and he will have forgotten everything, he will be hugging you and showing you his best smile. Now you just have to hold on until you both get out of the tunnel and the sun shines again.
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