The ‘sugar mommies’, when they are the ones who pay for a boyfriend: “What I like the most is when I give the boy the weekly allowance”

There has been endless talk about ‘sugar daddies’, men with high purchasing power who establish a relationship with a young woman or teenager, where the man gives expensive gifts in exchange for company and intimacy. However, here the roles are reversed. KAra Miller, an American influencer She has revolutionized social networks by recognizing that she is a ‘sugar mom’ and speaking openly about it. “I pay my lovers a thousand dollars a week to go out with me”he says on TikTok. ABC has managed to contact her and states without hesitation that “This lifestyle has given him the happiness he was looking for.”

ANDn Spainthe SugarDaddy platform that connects both parties and which started in 2010, details that To date they have more than 28,000 ‘sugar mommies’ and ‘sugar boys’. In the opinion of Kara Miller, who is also pursuing a master’s degree in psychology, while the ‘sugar mama’ seeks more connection than intimacy, ‘sugar daddies’ primarily want companionship and intimacy.

The voices that speak about this movement have conflicting opinions. They debate whether it is covert prostitution, a new type of relationship in a world more reluctant to impose labels or a taboo subject because it has women as the economic pillar, and about which we are now beginning to talk more. For its part, the Sugardaddy platform emphasizes to ABC that one of its keys is that everything is remembered in advanceeither“dates can be found fairly quickly, with the benefit that women can bring excitement and fun to their lives.”

«A part of the population is tired of swiping to get mediocre dates»

Kara Miller tells ABC that the advantages of this type of relationship are have a real connection and have the power to say no when you feel something is not right. In that sense, from another platform called Sugardaters, which was born in 2013 in Denmark, they explain to this newspaper that the main difference with a traditional relationship is that each party clearly communicates what they expect and what is offered. If it’s something casual, short-term, or with potential for something deeper, and “That leaves little room for disappointment,” they claim.

And more so in a world in which most common dating apps older people find it very difficult to find dates interesting, “even if they are perfectly capable of making someone happy.” «In these applications the age difference is an automatic ‘death sentence’. And a large portion of the population is tired of swiping for mediocre dates. There’s dating app fatigue, financial pressures, and the desire to improve your standard of living. The important thing is to have a safe environment to experience this,” says Sugardaters.

ABC has also consulted Roberto Sanz, a sexologist at the Sexpol Foundation and popularizing psychologist for the COPMwhich explains that what is certain is that it is a form of conscious exchange marked by economics; but that never makes a real emotional bond impossible. «These relationships are based on theory, on the mutual recognition of attractiveness, economic success or variables such as security or experience. And that is the biggest difference with prostitution, where the relationship in 99.9% of cases is absolutely asymmetrical.”he clarifies.

“Having a young person care about you is the best feeling that can exist.”

Kara Miller tells us that she has been a ‘sugar mom’ for 7 years and that after her divorce she wanted a change. «Basically, I was very insecure when I was in my marriage. I let myself go and being a ‘sugar mom’ helped me gain self-confidence and want to be a better person. I was tired of being a conventional girlfriend or wife and wanted to try something new. Now I feel much better. «That a young man cares about you is the best feeling that can exist.“, says.

Miller narrates online that she first had a relationship that lasted just over 12 months with a ‘sugar boy’, but it did not turn out to be what she expected: “He didn’t treat me the way I wanted and he saw other women, something that a ‘sugar boy’ mom’ like I don’t allow,” he says. Then she met Daniel. With him you have a contract with rules the type who can’t be with anyone but her, “he has to be loyal and honest and if he’s not, I cut his salary, and if he sees another woman I let him go,” he says.

On TikTok, he details that he gives his ‘toy boy’ “between 500 and a thousand dollars per week. Besides monthly bonuses». And the moment she enjoys the most is when she gives her money to her ‘sugar boy’. «When I pay him his weekly allowance, I love seeing his eyes light up when he sees the money. It’s like the most incredible feeling in the world. Knowing that ‘hey, I did that,’ I was able to make his day. He uses the money for financial security, to pay rent or buy a car, whatever he needs. “I double check that he uses the money for what he tells me.”

Why sugar dating is a phenomenon, answers that we are in a new era, and everyone wants to be taken care of. Miller isn’t worried about being judged. And he says: “If you want to experience true love, get a sugar mama.”

«A fantasy beyond your everyday realities»

Sanz, as an expert, says that although there are no studies on this very recent movement, it can be said that the representation of roles and the aspiration for social success are two pillars of this movement. «Interested people have a predisposition to quick reward, to pragmatism, even emotionally. And the ‘sugar boy’ has a notable need for recognition. Even if it’s just because of the richer companion he goes with. This suggests that both parties are people looking for a fantasy beyond their realities marked by disenchantment or boredom.

They allow a game in which the participants are aware that it is something temporary and inconsequential. In this vein, Sugardaters also points out that these relationships “they provide a refreshing connection by experiencing life from different generational perspectives.”

A woman confident and comfortable with her wealth and status

The profile of the ‘sugar mommies’ that the Sugar Daddy platform has is that of an experienced businesswoman, who wants to choose when and who to go out with. And Sugardaters adds that it is an open-minded woman who is confident and comfortable with her wealth and status. Since she is very busy, she looks for relationships that are less demanding than traditional ones. She is generous and offers experiences such as nice dinners, trips, or helps her partner gain access to exclusive social circles.

It is worth mentioning that they are also beginning to receive requests from ‘sugar mommies’ looking for young women. But for now, ‘sugar boys’ who are attractive and charming are more abundant on their platform. QThey may feel more mentally mature than others their age or find dating an older partner more exciting and promising. And although the ‘toy boy’ may remind us of the gigolo, Sanz clarifies that the figure of the gigolo It emerged at a historical moment when it was not socially attractive. It was marked by the stigma of prostitution, and by the clash with masculine values ​​that had to be authoritarian. “Today that figure has been converted,” he says.

A phenomenon slowly more visible and increasingly sought after

From Sugardaddy they tell us that to date in Spain, The proportion is 20 ‘sugar mommies’ for every 80 ‘sugar boys’. ‘Sugar mamas’ being 45 to 54 years old and 55 to 64 years old are the most abundant, with 29% and 32%, respectively. While the largest age group of ‘toy boys’ is 25 to 36 years old. and heThe five main cities of Spain with the most ‘sugar mommies’ users are: Madrid 22%, Barcelona 13%, Valencia 10%, Seville 5% and Zaragoza 5%.

It should be noted that in Spain, an internal survey among Sugar Daters users in 2019 revealed that The Spanish ‘toy boy’ is the least demanding when it comes to reaching a ‘sugardating’ agreement. This is because there is great competition among the ‘toy boys’ to get the small exclusive group of ‘sugar mommies’.

Regarding the double side of ‘sugardating’ that is gaining popularity, Sanz reminds us that We must understand that sexuality and emotional relationships have undergone a great change in relation to previous generations. Before there were more restrictions and they were more socially monitored.

But he also points out that today, in an environment of supposed maximum freedom, in which these dimensions have become market products, «You just have to sell something well to find someone who will buy it. And one of the most used packaging is romanticization of qualities that, put into perspective, are not at all attractive; in this case, emotional or economic dependence, social success through sexual success or more traditional gender roles,” says Sanz. In the end, it is the public who decides what that date agreed upon in a luxury restaurant with background music really means to them.