Having a lover pays off if you look at the issue from a purely economic point of view. A divorce costs 3.6 times more than enjoying an affair: while the average annual cost of separation is around 16,588 euros, keeping a lover costs 4,657 euros, according to calculations made in 2020 by Ashley Madison, one of the platforms dating site for married couples with the largest number of users in the world: more than 80 million records. In Spain alone, its second European market, it has 1.7 million unfaithful people, ahead of countries like France, Italy or Germany. In the world list, with more than 40 countries, it occupies seventh position.
So, there is a market in Spain, that of infidelity and lovers, quite seductive. Hundreds of thousands of people spend—some more than others; It depends on interest, generosity and pocketbook—a monthly amount of money in that furtive relationship. And it’s not just about men. More and more women are trying the forbidden and, in fact, in all the countries where Ashley Madison operates, female infidelity is on the rise. On this platform the ratio of active users who pay for a subscription in Spain is 0.8 women per man.
It is very difficult to scrutinize how many people have a lover (to the extent that these relationships are secret and little publicized) and how much they spend on that extramarital relationship, but some surveys help to get an idea. In Spain, 42% of men and 31% of women have been unfaithful at some point. This is the data from a survey carried out in 2022 by Gleeden (from gleejoy in English, and Edenparadise), platform specialized in adulterous encounters, with 11 million users around the world, of which one million are in Spain, which is offered as a privileged space to safely contact unfaithful people from all over the world: “Whether You are looking for an extramarital adventure close to home or a lover thousands of miles away during your travels.”
Beyond moral issues, having a lover requires nerves of steel, a good memory, prudence and setting aside a budget for trips and gifts, especially flowers, chocolates, lingerie and sex toys, the details that unfaithful people resort to most.
The average annual budget estimated by Ashley Madison among its users is distributed in hotels (1,944 euros), restaurants (618 euros), gifts (three a year, 408 euros), and gym, clothing, beauty and personal care products (600 euros ). In this list of disbursements, the company includes two important items: flowers for the main couple (once a month, 640 euros) and special gifts, also for the official partner (two a year, 351 euros). We must not forget that one of the attitudes that give the most clues about the possibility of the couple having an affair is that they become a more detail-oriented person.
They try to alleviate the guilt by pulling cards. Although, according to a study by Dylan Selterman, associate professor in the Department of Psychology at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore (USA), cheaters do not usually feel remorse or regret their affairs. What’s more, the majority consider that the extramarital relationship has been positive for the couple. According to a study by Ashley E. Thompson, Delaney Wilder and Danica Kulibert (2021), the motivation to be unfaithful has nothing to do with a lack of romantic love for the main partner, but rather with a lack of sexual satisfaction. In fact, they believe that their primary relationship improves somewhat, or even a lot, as a result of their affairs.
Gleeden makes its own cost estimate. 26% of unfaithful people (80% men and 20% women) say they have an allocated amount (16% answer affirmatively and 10% say it depends on the month) to spend on attention with their lover, although they do not make big disbursements, according to a survey conducted by the company this September. The majority allocate between 50 and 150 euros per month, and few (4%) contribute more than 500 euros per month. When it comes to paying for hotel stays or nights, most cheaters spend between 100 and 300 euros per month.
Justify the absence
But a weekend of sex and debauchery outside the city not only requires paying for the hotel. Although it may seem very cinematic, there are a considerable number of unbelievers who hire alibis from companies. These put together evidence that makes it plausible that the absence from the family home is for work. Building an alibi for a clandestine weekend costs between 150 and 250 euros, depending on the complexity of the order. All excuses are tailored to the client and are different.
According to the company Coartada, an agency founded 25 years ago in Germany that landed in Spain two years ago, “we have on average one to five clients a day in Spain. There are many more in Germany because we are better known there,” says Laura González. The company considers that platforms for having sex or flirting (Tinder, OnlyFans…) have helped the growth of its business.
The lie-creating company, founded by Stefan Eiben, has been offering a double life for more than two decades “so that our clients can enjoy their adventure for many years without stress. For this we use companies, which are our partners, and real actors.”
Unfaithful people hire the services for an erotic and festive weekend, but also for a quick evening or even for a vacation with their lover. “People want to satisfy their sexual needs without endangering their marriage,” adds González. Because it is precisely the lack of sexual desire towards the official partner that drives deception. Alibis usually work. But in the event of being discovered, the situation could be saved by using a lie detector, for example. “The results are false,” reveals González.
Although the profile of the infidel who resorts to these tricks is very heterogeneous, the majority are between 30 and 60 years old. Half of the clients are women. “There are housewives, police officers, lawyers, businessmen, preachers, unemployed, celebrities and employees,” they conclude in this company, which simulates perfect couples.
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