Not all of us are capable of telling an idyllic story of two people who met through a dating app and have it work. There may be no chemistry, the circumstances of the first date ruin everything… There may be several reasons, but there is one that is constantly repeated: in the first conversations It was not clear what each party was looking for.
That, hey, of course it could happen that we have been deceived and that exciting online story that we were living was not entirely true – because there are bad people everywhere – but it could be said that the main reason why many times dating apps are labeled as “not working” because those who join one of them to meet people they do not make their intentions clear.
To keep in mind when dating
Lara Ferreiro, psychologist, expert in love relationships and Tinder’s ‘dating expert’, assures that by following some advice, “the first date “It can be a complete success.” This happens because the hard work has been done before. For this reason, the dating platform presents Healthy Dating Studio, a space dedicated to promoting relationships that practice healthy dating.
According to Lara Ferreiro, “This tendency has a double direction, since it encompasses both our own behaviors and what we allow from others.” Healthy dating begins the moment you download the app and requires time to learn how to present and connect in a healthy and appropriate way.
Among the latest ‘Healthy Dating’ trends, Lara Ferreiro highlighted ‘slow dating’, which invites you to take the time to get to know the other person without rushing or pressure, and ‘conscious dating’, which promotes clarity in your thoughts. intentions and emotions from the start of the match. For its part, ‘unplugged dating’ fosters a genuine connection beyond screens, encouraging users to disconnect from the digital world and focus on the present during dates.
Dating apps work
How many times have we said truly outrageous things about dating apps? For Lara Ferreiro they are similar to a nightclub: «For me, Tinder is like a bar counter: there is everything and you just have to do a ‘healthy dating’. Nobody turns a disco green…so it’s not an issue of applications, it’s an issue of how you take it. The problem is not in the application, it is in your boundaries».
To do this you have to start by resolving your previous grief: «A nail never pulls out another nail; it becomes entrenched. And when that has been resolved you can start looking at applications. Put what you want in your profile and discard those who don’t want the same thing as you, no matter how good it is,” he says.
Furthermore, the expert believes a lot in the proactivity: «You have to invest time, write to them, talk… it has to be frequent and periodically. Also search in your social media profiles that are verified and see that that person is interested. When two people are looking for a partner, the interest is noticeable because they talk very often, there is an interest in staying and they stay. «And you should not become obsessed with something that cannot be the same. When you are with the right person it flows and you feel good, you see the commitment.
What to do before the appointment
In this context, the dating expert shares the definitive guide for Tinder users to immerse themselves in the practice of healthy dating:
1. Be careful and think carefully about your biography and photos. Lara Ferreiro indicates that it is important to be honest with yourself and with others about what you are looking for and reflect it in your biography: «This will avoid misunderstandings and save you dramas, disappointments and broken hearts. Make sure your photos truly reflect who you are, don’t try to be something you’re not!
2. Awaken your inner Sherlock Holmes. Before going on a date, make sure you know the person well. You can make a video call through the app to have a first impression or ask for their username on other social networks. This way you can verify that he really is who he says he is.
3. Invest time daily. It is recommended that you invest quality time in the app every day to talk to your ‘Match’ and thus enhance the opportunities of having a date with someone you really like.
4. Don’t ignore the ‘red flags’ and set limits! Before entering the world of dating, define your limits, convey them clearly and make sure that the other person respects them. «If you detect toxic behaviors, pay attention to the signs and take action. Don’t be afraid to end a conversation if you feel that it is unhealthy,” explains Lara Ferreiro.
5. Don’t take rejection personally. As the psychologist indicates, if there is no chemistry between you, that is also normal! We don’t choose who we fall in love with. Sometimes he’s not the right person for you, no matter how much you like him. “So, on to something else butterfly!”
6. Be emotionally responsible (‘stop ghosting’). Check yourself inside and don’t do what you don’t want done to you. If you decide not to continue talking to someone, try to say goodbye properly. Ghosting can be emotionally damaging for the person who suffers it.
7. Enjoy the process, don’t rush! Take your time to meet new people and discover more about yourself. According to Ferreiro, “don’t rush into dates if you don’t feel 100% confident. Allow the relationship to develop little by little, time will help you see if that person deserves your trust. And remember: share your personal information gradually.
8. Don’t lose hope. Keep faith that your special someone will come. Be patient: healthy dating takes time, don’t get frustrated if the perfect match isn’t immediate and have fun!
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