03/23/2024 – 9:33
Couples tend to be happier the more sincere they are, according to experts. Specific personality traits help identify those who lie less. Lying is ugly, being honest is cool. Probably many would agree with this statement. But wait a minute! It wasn’t yesterday that I said “You look great, honey!” to my partner, even though I don't really like her new hairstyle? And the other day, when she cooked, I insisted that the food was delicious, even though it was only average?
Lying involves weighing the pros and cons, highlights psychologist Nina Reinhardt, from the University of Kassel in Germany. Often, in everyday situations, we see the advantages of these small lies to avoid conflicts between those involved.
Researchers assume that all people lie several times a week. However, there are those who are more honest than others. In this group the honesty-humility personality trait stands out. Individuals with this personality trait lie less. This conclusion was reached by studies that examined honesty between strangers.
Reinhardt wanted to find out if the same applied to romantic relationships. “There’s a difference between being dishonest with strangers we don’t know and may never see again.” Lying to your partner is much more serious. Depending on the severity of the lie or betrayal, the consequences are significant and have an immediate impact on one's life.
The psychologist studied how people behave in relation to lies in their relationships. The research, which brought together 5,677 participants, concluded that, even in these contexts, the honesty-humility personality trait is associated with fewer lies.
How to identify someone who is honest?
This personality attribute is one of the six factors present in the model known as HEXACO. The others are emotionality (E), extraversion (X), agreeableness (A), conscientiousness (C) and openness to experience (O).
“Each person has a unique manifestation of each of these factors”, explains Reinhardt. For this reason, the model is considered useful for psychological research, in addition to being able to predict human behavior well.
“Individuals with high honesty-humility values are generally more fair,” says Reinhardt. The psychologist points out that this group is not interested in exploiting others to obtain maximum benefit for themselves. “They are more sincere in personal relationships. This means they don’t pretend to like someone just because they might be useful to them,” Reinhardt continues.
Furthermore, these people have no interest in standing out from others through symbols of status and luxury. “They are humble because they follow rules. They do not place themselves above others by establishing their own standards”, adds the psychologist.
Ideal partners
These aspects of personality shape a particular perspective, explains Reinhardt: Individuals who score high on honesty-humility tend to trust others more. “I believe that the people around me are the way I am,” adds Reinhardt.
According to Reinhardt, the role of humility in relationships is a recent topic of research. “Humility means acting less selfishly, reverting your behavior to benefit others”, explains Reinhardt.
Modest people also tend to have more accurate self-assessment, avoiding placing themselves on a pedestal. “They have a more realistic view of themselves, which contributes positively to communication between couples in a relationship”, adds the psychologist.
At least when it comes to “valued humility”. According to an American study, people with this form of humility can praise others without devaluing themselves or behaving submissively.
Be attentive when looking for a partner
There are some warning signs that may suggest a lack of honesty and humility. “It’s important to interpret them with caution,” notes Reinhardt. Just because someone behaved dishonestly or unhumblely once doesn't automatically mean it's a fixed personality trait.
Despite this, Reinhardt identifies in his study some signs that should raise the alarm: individuals who are only polite and friendly with others when it benefits them are generally less sincere in relationships. Those who constantly disregard laws or rules also tend to break the rules in a relationship.
Sexual infidelity in previous relationships is another warning sign. Furthermore, individuals who place high importance on luxury and status symbols may also have a lower value of honesty and humility.
Now, the number of honest and humble potential partners is not unlimited. However, there is a solution: people who have less sincerity and humility tend to relate to similar individuals, thus enabling mutual compatibility.
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