Ldon’t they actually read German newspapers in Chechnya? We will immediately ask the sales department whether we could at least send an e-paper to the President. Other than with extensive ignorance in relation to Germany, it can hardly be explained that Ramzan Kadyrov does not want to be satisfied with the establishment of the Soviet Union 2.0 with the Ukraine, but also wants to bring the federal states that were formerly the GDR home to the Reich.
Word of mouth could even have reached Grozny that the majority of the Ossis recommend that the Ukrainians stop resisting the Russians. On the other hand, even a Kadyrov would probably have a hard time with the rebellious Saxons, for example. Obviously, people in the Caucasus forgot that East Berlin also belonged to the zone. And they don’t even seem to want that in the Kremlin anymore because it’s now inextricably linked to the decadent western part. The only thing that can be heard from Moscow is how few minutes a hypersonic missile could destroy the entire German capital.
No conqueror would enjoy Berlin
In any case, not even the usually well-informed British secret service knows anything about Russian plans to take Berlin by surprise like Sevastopol. This suggests that deterrence works, at least in relation to Moscow, if it does not lack credibility. And who could have made it clearer than the red-red-green coalition that Berlin is a city no conqueror in the world would enjoy, and would he be Stalin reincarnated (as there are signs of in the case of Putin)?
A self-respecting dictator wants to rule, which not even Angela Merkel was allowed to do in Berlin. Secondly, he needs highways on which he can drive his motorcade back and forth. But the Russian ambassador will have cabled to Moscow that this is no longer possible on Friedrichstrasse either.
As in Chechnya: everything stays the same
But we don’t want to make Berlin worse than it is, otherwise there will only be layoffs again. The city can be attractive even for flawless Democrats. They can immediately feel at home there, especially when it comes to elections. In Berlin, too, ballot papers are treated like direct mail. If the result is disappointing, you can still find a few ballot letters somewhere. But the best thing is, and this will certainly interest Mr. Kadyrov: Even after dramatic losses in a repeat election, everything remains the same, that is, the government in power. Just like in Chechnya! The only difference: in Berlin they call it humility, like Franziska Giffey did.
Now we also understand why the “refreshment money” has been quadrupled especially for the repeat election. With 240 euros in your pocket you can drink every result nicely.
That didn’t help Pattex-Peter
By now at the latest, Berlin readers will probably be shouting: You Frankfurters, hold your breath! In fact, even our non-governing mayor glued himself to his chair as if he were the “last generation” in one person. But that didn’t help Pattex-Peter at all: We sent him to hell anyway, without having to count the votes seventeen times.
We Frankfurters are also much more efficient than the Berliners when it comes to civil resistance. They successfully delayed the construction of their airport for years out of – as we now see: justified – fear of an airborne operation. But what are they going to do now when the Chechen troop transporters start to land, to punch Scholz “in the face” and to show us other Germans that our place is under the Russian boot? Berliners, look at our city: we only needed one excavator to shut down our airport. We shall be able to point this out in all humility and modesty, especially to the reader Kadyrov.
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