WWe would have liked to have stayed in the capital on Wednesday to hear from the Chancellor in person in the Bundestag about how well we were doing under his rule if only everyone listened to him and his unfathomable advice. But because Scholzen's orders have often been too quiet, in Germany you can't simply drive or fly from one city to another as and when you want. If the train drivers don't go on strike, the so-called air security forces do, not to be confused with the air force, which is not – yet – demonstrating for the 35-hour week.
If you then take the car, you will come across tractors that won't let you onto the motorway. Luckily, the farmers first have to milk their cows early in the morning. And only in France does the police block traffic with tanks. Nevertheless, we had to think about the situation 79 years ago, when everyone who still made it out of Berlin was happy.
The comrades went wild like Muhammad Ali's fans
But it was unfortunate that because of the early escape, I missed how the welterweight Scholz threw a left hook onto the beautiful glass chin of Merz, who was superior to him in terms of reach, that the comrades went wild like Muhammad Ali's fans at the “Rumble in the Jungle”. And how they cheered when Scholz also called the opposition leader a mimosa! In boxing, such a lightning-fast combination is called double whammy. Now, having been asked to be more quick-witted by his party, the Chancellor obviously wants to use all the metaphors he has in his rhetoric arsenal. One looks in vain for cowardice in front of one's own courage in Scholz.
We are therefore curious to find out exactly what he means by communication “with appropriate support” that everyone who wanted it would get. We had asked him to be more thoughtful, but in these times you have to be happy about everything you get
What Strack-Zimmermann prefers to a deaf chancellor
In addition, the Chancellor is always good for a surprise when he fulfills his promises. We hadn't assumed that Scholz first thought of single mothers from Africa when he said that there should now be large-scale deportations. But we wouldn't have guessed that he meant the elegant transfer of Strack-Zimmermann to the European Parliament. Chapeau, Mr. Chancellor! How did you get the FDP to get your nerves off your back? And why did the defensive FDP member allow this to happen to her? Well, he, too, would probably rather have the sparrow in his hand (a secure mandate in Brussels) than a deaf chancellor in Berlin and the shaky party in the next federal election.
Is Scholz saving the wig bush for court riders?
Unfortunately, we will probably no longer find out what metaphorical support Scholz would resort to in the case of Strack-Zimmermann if one day she were to annoy him like the shameful meaning plant alias Friedrich Merz. Cactus? Nettle? Stinkhorn? The Chancellor will probably save the wig bush for Hofreiter, which appeals to him in the same way as the liberal silver thistle.
And wait and see what comes out of Scholz when he hears the Walesa bon mot that has been on everyone's lips in Berlin since it was remembered in the FAZ. You already know: that it is easier to turn an aquarium (democracy) into a fish soup (dictatorship) than the other way around. In the deep sea of maritime metaphors, you can expect more from a great pike like the Chancellor than Captain-Iglo-Kita-speak, even if probably not the hint that the fish stinks from the head. But the fact that Scholz calls the Weidel a moray eel has to be allowed, because he belongs to the Flipper generation, which still knows how vicious and sneaky these snake-like creatures are.
So, as you can see, the genie is out of the bottle, as the Chancellor recently stated. By the vessel, mind you, he didn't mean his coalition, but rather the Pandora's box from which the AfD crawled. But what idiot opened it? The Chancellor, like his predecessor, washes his hands in the aquarium of innocence.
The new anthology with “fractures” is not just about traffic lights. Frankfurter Allgemeine Buch, Frankfurt am Main 2023, 192 pages, linen, 20 euros
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