Erika Lust (Stockholm, 46 years old) has been dedicated to directing and producing films for adults for more than 15 years. But her movies have little to do with porn mainstream which adolescents and pre-adolescents access from increasingly younger ages. From his production company, ERIKALUST, It tries to “show sex as something natural, demystifying stereotypes and promoting diversity and mutual pleasure.”
From that perspective as a director of what she herself qualifies as feminist porn—authentic and egalitarian representation of human sexuality without gender stereotypes—this Swede living in Barcelona, and mother of two daughters (born in 2007 and 2010), has created The Porn Conversation. The objective of this platform on-line non-profit is to serve “as a resource for parents and educators who want to address the topic of pornography with their children and students in an informative and healthy way.” These are free guides and tools for parents, educators and also for young people, made in collaboration with sexologists and social educators. A project that the director presented in April 2023 and that she created together with her husband, Pablo Dobner.
ASK. How did the idea to create The Porn Conversation come about?
ANSWER. I realized that the parents at my daughters' school didn't know how to tell their children what I did. Let alone how to have a conversation about sex and porn. Talking about porn was taboo, although his children watched it secretly and internalized the messages without further context or explanation. The intention of this platform is to provide tools, guides and advice to have honest and educational conversations about media information around porn.
Q. Does the porn mainstream is it a real problem?
R. It is true that many of the pornographic contents that are consumed regularly show unrealistic stereotypes and, sometimes, a distorted view of sex that can affect viewers' perception of what sex is. That is why it is very important that both adults and young people have good and complete sexual education, in addition to being informed about the options that can be found on the Internet in terms of erotic content. Additionally, we must understand that porn is fiction intended to entertain, and not a realistic representation of what sexual relations should be like.
Q. Do you think parents know the true magnitude of this problem?
R. Are we aware, in general, of the magnitude of the problem of lack of sexual education? Often, young people access this content because it is the only place where they believe they can learn. Again, the most important thing is to educate ourselves and be prepared to start open and honest conversations with our children, far from sexual taboo, so that they know what they can find on these portals, and that this material can never replace sexual education.
Q. What would be the appropriate age to have that conversation?
R. I always recommend starting the conversation as soon as the young person shows interest in their own sex life. The sooner we try to address this issue away from blame and punishment and through information and education, the easier it will be for young people to make decisions aligned with their values when consuming sexual content, if it happens.
Q. Talking about porn with children is very complicated for parents. What do you think makes it so difficult?
R. Probably what makes it so difficult are the taboos and lack of sexual education in our society. Additionally, many parents may feel uncomfortable or unsafe talking about sex, since they themselves have not had adequate sex education and probably don't know where to start. However, it is important to overcome these obstacles and approach the topic openly and without judgment. We must provide accurate information, encourage dialogue, and answer our children's questions honestly and understandingly.
Q. How should you deal with it at home?
R. At home it is crucial to create an environment of trust and openness where our children feel safe talking about sex and pornography. We must educate about pornography critically, explaining the differences from real sexual relationships and promoting the importance of consent, respect and mutual pleasure. As a mother, I have had to face this conversation personally and I have always sought to create that environment of trust that I speak of, so that they could ask me questions and express their concerns without fear of being judged. It is important that we break sexual taboos so that young people can develop healthy relationships in the future!
Q. What should be taken into account when starting the conversation?
R. It is essential that it takes place in a comfortable, private place with water, in case it is necessary throughout the conversation. Also keep in mind that this conversation may take several attempts; or even involve several conversations, as it can be uncomfortable at first. We are not used to talking about sex, and as parents or educators we are not used to educating about sex beyond the risks it may have. That's why I recommend a lot of patience, affection and listening.
Q. Sexual education is not offered in schools and institutes. What would be your proposal? How do you think it should be?
R. We should incorporate comprehensive sexuality education that addresses topics such as consent, body diversity, identity and sexuality, healthy relationships, and also pornography, in a responsible manner. Furthermore, it is essential that sexuality education courses are constantly updated to reflect the reality and needs of today's young people.
Q. The downloadable materials on its platform are divided by age. What is the key for each of these age groups?
R. Between ages 8 and 11, I recommend focusing on privacy, limits, and respect for others. Between 12 and 15 years old, more specific topics can be addressed, such as consent, communication and the diversity of sexualities, identities, bodies, etc. From the age of 16, it is important to talk to adolescents about sexuality as a natural and healthy expression, and promote a positive view of consensual sex.
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