The family death at Latokartano raised in the social debate whether something could have been done differently. Nina Mikkonen hopes that someone has noticed her plight.
How can anyone think of killing their own children? And most of all: what should happen to prevent family deaths?
Nina Mikkonen has a view of both. In 2012, the mother of two drifted into a complete impasse.
The life situation was so inconsolable that Mikkonen saw no alternative but the final one – for everyone.
“It felt like I was running away from my life, I’m just shaking away from the gorge. When I put out one fire, two are already lit elsewhere. That if I do my best once but nothing is enough, then why not stop all this as well. Then the pain is over. ”
It was a bottom contact. Mikkonen had just come home from the store with shopping, trembling in the hallway and thinking about killing his children, himself and his spouse. Why?
Life situation had continued to be burdensome for a long time. Spouse, journalist Timo T. A. Mikkonen, was suddenly paralyzed the previous year. Nina Mikkonen had become her husband’s caregiver, who was largely tied to the home.
At the same time, he was solely responsible for two primary school children and a family business that had remained in his account. There was also debt and financial difficulties that Mikkonen did not feel he could cope with.
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“I wanted to protect them. Who would love them, wherever they would end up, who would take care of them? ”
Mikkonen tried to rotate the demanding palette on his own, although his worries weighed so much that he could not sleep. A personal assistant was obtained to help the spouse, but Mikkonen had no one.
“There was a lot of anxiety and stress all the time, life was just invisible. I was just trying to keep my head together, how to deal with this and how to cope myself. ”
When the extreme collapse then came in the hallway, he says he thought he would take the children with him because there was no other option.
“I wanted to protect them. Who would love them, wherever they would end up, who would take care of them? ”
The idea was momentary but so bright that Mikkonen also had time to think about how to do it.
Family deaths some of the background causes have been mapped in Finland and around the world. Minna Bishop has studied family deaths in Finland in 2003–2012.
According to the bishop, it can be exaggerated to say that mothers are killed when they are at an impasse, fathers for fear of losing their honor. For example, studies show that there is a risk that the father will end up with a devastating solution.
“There’s often shame in the background: if a family leaves underneath, I lose my face and my honor. You may be threatened with killing children if you leave. These types of people are not sensitive to their problems and do not seek help. ”
Mothers’ motives are often different, the bishop says. The only solution in an extremely hopeless situation is for the parent to feel that they are saving the children so that they do not suffer further suffering. The idea model is therefore very similar to that described by Nina Mikkonen.
“There may be an idea behind it that no one else may be taking care of the children, so it’s better for them to go with me. The motif is altruistic. There is also international research data on this, ”says the Bishop.
It is not that the motive for family death as a selfless act should be accepted in any form. According to the bishop, it still seems clear that there is usually no intentional evil behind the family deaths committed by women.
“As a researcher, I think that [perhesurmaan päätyneellä] the parent has been in a corner distressed. He can’t see the solution, he can’t seek help, and that’s the last solution. ”
Nina Mikkonen told about his thoughts of family death for the first time in March Fridayin the program.
The issue is also topical due to the recent events in Latokartano: the mother is suspected of killing her school-age child and herself.
After the TV show, the verdict was harsh, especially on social media: some declared Mikkonen crazy and demanded that the children be taken away from him.
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“No one ever asked me, Nina, how are you.”
Mikkonen smiles: that’s why he didn’t talk to anyone ten years ago, but only now that the children are adults and the family situation is more stable.
“I was afraid the kids would be taken away if I told you. Even now I was convicted of thoughts. You should never say out loud how bad you can be. ”
Mikkonen did not say anything either and did not seek help from himself.
“I didn’t have the resources. But can it be assumed that in a situation where it is completely over, one should be able to cope myself [hakea apua]? ”
Mental health The family met professionals: According to Mikkonen, psychiatric nurses visited the home regularly because of the children. Mikkonen also met with psychologists and psychiatrists on his children’s issues. However, for some reason, the distress of the whole family was not passed on to others.
According to the researcher, this is often the case.
“If a parent goes to mental health services, only adults are treated. Children should also be considered, ”says the bishop.
In the situation of Mikkos, the mother was ignored, Nina Mikkonen says.
“No one ever asked me, Nina, how are you. Maybe because I was terribly brisk outside and groomed all the time. I secretly hoped that someone would see that the whole family needed help. ”
Latokartanon after the death of the family, the situation of child protection has been discussed again. The crucial question, then, is how children can be protected if parental distress is not understood or identified.
According to Minna Piispa, this may be the case even when the family is already covered by support services. How is this possible?
“One explanation is that aid is not coordinated, but each authority can easily handle only one thing, its own. There should be multi-professional work between different parties in order to get a better picture of the overall situation of the family, ”says the Bishop.
Another problem for women is that they may not think they can handle such harsh solutions.
“There is a strong attitude towards authorship. Women as perpetrators of violence are reluctant to be heard, and this opportunity is not to be seen: a woman should not be [joka tappaa lapsensa], it is not about femininity. The attitude is really repulsive. ”
Therefore, gloomy thoughts are often not asked for and do not come to light.
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“We glorify people who don’t break. The fact that only the weak ask for help is really deeply ingrained. ”
In Finland an average of 3 to 5 children die each year from their own parents. The number has hardly changed over the years.
In Mikkonen’s case, the idea was left alone. He can’t say for sure if he really could have done it. However, he realized the idea was not healthy.
Insight was the key to better things, Mikkonen experiences.
“I realized that nothing goes on forever, not even suffering. And that I decide what happens to us. It was a perverted idea but it gave me strength and eventually saved us. ”
Nina Mikkonen thinks that one of the reasons for his silence is the Finnish culture of shame and being alone.
“We glorify people who don’t break. The fact that only the weak ask for help is really deeply ingrained. ”
Mikkonen did not apply for help until several years later. At the time, she was diagnosed with depression and received medication. Mikkonen thinks he was very depressed ten years ago.
“For sure. If help had been offered then, I might have accepted. ”
Minna Bishop recalls that, of course, no explanatory factor makes family death any less reprehensible. Mikkonen thinks the same.
“The act should not be accepted. The act is mentally ill, but I do not feel that a person who ends up in family death is necessarily mentally ill. ”
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