The relationship with the in-laws It is a topic that sometimes generates a lot of controversy in Spain. While some enjoy a harmonious coexistence with the in-laws, for others it can become a source of conflicts and tensions in the couple. But are in-laws really as “fierce” as they are made out to be? To what extent can they influence the dynamics of the couple? The expert psychologist Silvia Llop sheds light on this matter.
Llop, author of the book “Send it to hell (you deserve better)”from Plataforma Editorial, explains that the idea of getting along badly with one’s in-laws is “myth and reality.” “It will depend on each person’s personality.of the family relationship, of whether a person who is very attached to his family gets together with another who is more detached, of whether the in-laws get too involved where they are not called or if, on the contrary, they are respectful of the couple,” he comments. According to the psychologist, There is no magic formula to achieve a perfect relationship. with the in-laws, but there are keys to managing it in a healthy way.
An important aspect is to have realistic expectations. Some people expect too much from their relationship with their in-laws, while others prefer to maintain a certain distance. “The ideal would be to know what place you want your in-laws to have in your life and try to get along with them as best as possible so that this is not a source of stress, but quite the opposite,” advises Llop in an interview in 20 minutes. Finding a balance that works for both partners is essential.
Handle conflicts assertively
When conflicts arise with in-laws, Llop suggests that each one handle their own parents in difficult situations. However, for specific comments, it is recommended Address them with assertiveness and respect. Phrases like “Look, mother-in-law, this comment didn’t sit well with me and I would prefer if you didn’t make it anymore” or “this topic is sensitive for me and I prefer not to discuss it at this time” can help establish boundaries in a polite but firm way.
This topic is sensitive for me and I prefer not to discuss it at this time.
Communication: key to a good relationship
Avoiding seeing your in-laws or constantly making excuses can be counterproductive. If it is important for the couple to maintain a good bond with them. Llop emphasizes the importance of honest communication and reaching agreements where both feel comfortable. “Otherwise, the topic will become a recurring argument that could end up breaking the relationship,” warns the expert. Talking openly about feelings and expectations is essential.
Talking openly about feelings and expectations is essential.
Tips for a harmonious coexistence
Psychologist Silvia Llop shares several tips to cultivate a healthy relationship with your in-laws:
Listen to yourself and Identify how you feel when interacting with them.
Define the level of involvement What would you like to have with your in-laws?
Consider the context, such as geographic proximity or the presence of children.
Dialogue with your partner about your feelings and mutual expectations.
Adapt the relationship as necessary based on experience.
Being yourself, but with common sense, is the key to being liked by your in-laws. “We all have different parts of our personality and we show them more or less, depending on the context,” says Llop. Furthermore, it recommends andchoose wisely the battles to fight and comment only on what is really important to maintain the best possible relationship.
A united team facing challenges
In short, the relationship with the in-laws does not have to be a source of conflict between the couple. With communication, empathy, and healthy boundaries, it is possible to build a positive and enriching bond for everyone.
“If there is something that bothers you a lot or that you think could cause problems between you, it is better to discuss it calmly so that together, as a team, you can decide what you are going to do about it,” concludes Llop. In the end, love and mutual respect are the fundamental pillars of any relationship, whether as a couple or with in-laws.
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