axel: „If I am really at home, then I am in Germany. There’s Nicole and the kids. On average, I leave for the Netherlands on Monday evening and return on Thursday evening. I have a sustainable energy company in the Netherlands.”
Nicole: „I run a campsite in Germany with Axel. I am there six days a week.”
axel: “We have three sons. The oldest is 19 years old, the middle one is 12, and then there is another 1.5 year old, an offspring. Or what we call it: we’ve got a very nice disaster.
“When I’m not there, Nicole does the kids, the camping, everything. In the Netherlands I make sure that I work an average of 35 hours in three to four days, including many evenings. On Mondays and Fridays I clearly do less. Then I try to be there for the family, and I do something for the campsite in the background. I concentrate on the big picture, and Nicole on the day-to-day policy.”
Nicole: “We’ve been doing it that way since we’ve been together. It is good on the one hand. I have my own system and rhythm. If problems come in between, it’s: shit, I have to do it alone. During corona we were suddenly a lot together, then Axel worked at home. That went really well. Also with a baby.
“Ben was born during corona. We had just bought a new house, aimed at two children, not three. Ben slept in our bedroom for almost a year. Then we went to sleep in the living room. We kept each other awake. Now the eldest son will soon be living on his own.”
axel: “Our children are quite spoiled. The eldest paid too little attention to the family situation. Then I said, ‘You know what, friend? Either you adapt a bit, or you leave the house.’ He wants to go to the Netherlands to study there. Stand on your own two feet and gain your own experiences.”
bankrupt
axel: „The nice thing is: Nicole has a Dutch father and German mother, and so do I. My mother came to the Netherlands when she was nineteen and I grew up there. The campsite in Germany that we have now belonged to my grandfather. I went there a lot as a kid. For me that was a really nice family place.
“When I was 35, the campsite went bankrupt. My mother called and asked if I didn’t want to take him over. There is a restaurant on that campsite that Nicole’s mother ran for a long time.”
Nicole: “I used to come here regularly.”
axel: “So we both have a thing for that piece of land. Nicole has grown even bigger than me. When I took over the campsite, we both had different relationships, but that quickly ended. I think our background played a part in the attraction. And the love for camping. It connects enormously. Nicole didn’t just have good memories of the place.”
Nicole: „I grew up in the bar of the restaurant, the kneipe. I saw what it did to my parents not to have a lot of money and to always work.”
axel: „The campsite could also only exist because I had another company in the Netherlands. And we both think that the combination of the Netherlands and Germany is very rich. The children love being at the campsite, but they also love being in Utrecht, or Amsterdam, or Rotterdam.
“At home we mainly speak German. The eldest son also speaks Dutch. The middle one refused, but that changes now. And with Ben we now try that I speak Dutch with him and Nicole German.”
Nicole: “During the camping season, the summer, we often eat at the campsite with the family. I always find that very nice. You are with us in the beer garden, guests around you, a nice atmosphere. And a luxury that you don’t have to make your own food.”
Find balance
axel: „We try to have regular moments that we are together. On Mondays we often go out for lunch. Since I’m away for a few days, we don’t sit on each other’s lips all the time. I think that gives us more than it costs. We can do our own thing and you don’t have to adjust to each other all the time. It just makes the relationship richer.”
Nicole: “During corona I saw how much he has to work. If he always has to take the family into account, that doesn’t work.”
axel: „We call a lot when I am in the Netherlands. It’s often about work, but we do actually discuss things. If you’re together all the time, it’s more fleeting. I do notice that now that I am going to the Netherlands a lot again, we are once again looking for a good balance. The youngest requires a completely different type of care than the older two children. It is so dependent on us.
“We used to have parents who jumped in, but they are deceased or too old. Then you no longer have the support that was there before, that makes it much harder.”
Nicole: “We were actually already in a completely different phase of life. And then suddenly, tjakka, you are pregnant. I thought: I have the whole pregnancy to get used to the idea. And then he came and I really… mourned. I had lost my freedom again. And that was hard for me.”
axel: “We had not planned this. But it’s really special to have a child at this age, you know. It gives a lot. Such a new life. And it is also very nice that, despite our busy existence, we can still be there for him.”
In Rush Hour, couples and singles tell how they combine work and private life. Participate? Mail to [email protected]
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