The world of couple relationships There are as many aspects to study in psychology as there are individuals, and each person experiences them in their own way. However, there are some syndromes that can take romantic relationships to extremes that are undesirable for our mental health, although we are not realizing that We border on emotional toxicity. Trying to ignore the pain we feel after a breakup, ignoring it, in the end it will cause us more pain.
This is the case of what professionals call Tarzan Syndrome: let’s imagine Tarzan jumping from one vine to another, flying through the jungle, without putting your feet on the ground at no time, does it sound familiar to you? We often form romantic relationships, without ever coming down to earth or contacting the pain of the grieving for the previous breakup. Is this really healthy? What consequences can it have?
Why are more and more Tarzan Syndromes seen in Spain?
To clarify all doubts about the reasons, profiles and consequences of ‘jumping from vine to vine’ without ever landing or devoting time to inner reflection, we have spoken with the health psychologist María José Arregui, from the Estar Contigo Terapia platform.
“Lately there is talk of a trend that has to do with the fact that as a society we seem to be more focused than ever on avoid contact with emotions such as painboredom and the feeling of emptiness. On the contrary, we focus a lot on living at a frenetic pace and feeling powerful emotions such as adrenaline, pleasure or absolute peace,” says the expert.
If we put these two tendencies together, “the normal thing is that we want to avoid suffering and mourning a breakup and that we also seek ‘replace’ that person as quickly as possible. “If we also add that we live in the era of overinformation, it becomes increasingly difficult to make decisions and commit to a single option.”
Furthermore, “by inertia we will always feel that that person is not enough and that we could find something even better. To have this thought it helps a lot to have available tools like Tinder or Bumble, which offer an inexhaustible catalog of options.
The problem of the need for external validation
The psychologist introduces at this point a topic that has a lot to do with this very toxic tendency of Tarzan Syndrome, and not wanting to miss anything. “If we personify a little, depending on our own life story and attachment, it is possible that our circumstances reinforce this syndrome.
If, for example, we have forged a self-esteem very dependent on recognition or the validation of the other (in this case from our successive partners), experiencing rejection and having them break up with me can be something very difficult to assimilate… and at the same time especially painful. In this context, it will be more than likely that we will try to escape from that pain by seeking solace into a new person, without stopping to analyze it and live it accordingly.
Avoiding pain causes more pain in the long run.
“It is difficult to predict how this may affect us, but if we have learned something in psychology and through experience with patients, it is that avoiding pain, in the long run leads us to greater pain.”
As a health professional, María José Arregui does not believe that we should hold back and avoid meeting new people after a breakup, at all. But the psychologist considers that “it is important to stop for a moment and explore how I’m feeling with that breakup and if it has touched something about me.
Does it have to do with the fear that I have to commit? Is it the afraid of being seen vulnerable because that person was starting to get to know me? They broke up with me and I realize that my self-esteem has been shattered?
“Only by stopping to ask these types of questions will it be possible for this experience to help us get to know ourselves better. Only in this way will we be able to feel that we are in contact with our most authentic part, to begin to love ourselves now.” feel that our life has meaning. The conclusion, in all cases, should be that we exist in the world in a genuine way,” concludes the psychologist.
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