Death | Jaana Salme's loved one died and grief was overshadowed by difficult questions – Now she is piloting death professionals in Finland

In November Something unheard of happened in Helsinki: twelve women and one man graduated in a profession previously unknown in Finland.

They became death doulas.

A dying doula is a support for a person whose life is coming to an end – he listens, walks alongside and helps with practical matters such as making a will, care will or power of attorney.

A doula does not provide medical assistance.

The education is well known around the world, and he brought the idea to Finland Jaana Salmi.

“We need more talk about death. And so that the dying are heard”, says Salmi.

Strait runs a company called Lohtu Academy, through which you can study to become a dying doula. So she doesn't work as a doula herself, but trains new experts to do so.

He also owns a funeral business. Through his work, he has seen how huge a taboo death is.

Often, for example, the close relatives organizing the funeral have no idea what the deceased's thoughts or wishes were for the last journey, because the matter was not discussed.

Thus was also in Salme's childhood home.

When Salme's own father died, in addition to grief, the relatives were left with a lot of questions: what is the father's will to care for? And what kind of coffin clothes does he want? The issues had not been discussed in time.

Otherwise, death was avoided and the dead were not talked about, says Salmi.

“When I was a child and close family members or relatives died, the parents avoided going to the funeral, even if they were invited. They didn't want to call the funeral home and didn't go to the door.”

“I do not know why.”

Later, when the mother fell ill with incurable cancer, Salmi took death as a topic. Mother did tell about her wishes, but Salmi sensed that a lot was also left unsaid.

“We were extremely close, but I felt that he didn't want to share everything with me. I wonder if he might want to talk to someone outside.”

Salmi was filmed at his holiday home in northern Finland. Picture: Antti J. Leinonen

Salmi arranged for a priest to help her mother talk, even though her mother was not very religious. However, talking seemed to make the dying mother feel better.

“I heard later that mother had told the priest things that had not been revealed to anyone else.”

Death doulas respond to this need to speak openly, Salmi feels.

“We have a lot of lonely people diagnosed with death who have no one to talk to. Or the loved ones don't want to talk about death.”

According to Salmi, death can arouse, for example, in relatives and friends, not only fear and uncertainty, but also irritation, because it does not fit into the calendar and plans of a busy person. The dying person himself may think that he should not bother his loved ones with such an unpleasant subject.

“It is often the case that the dying person tries to leave as inconspicuously as possible, and the loved ones try to bury him with as little noise as possible.”

This is what Salmi wants to change.

“I hope people learn to talk about death. You could think about the choice of a burial place or talk about making a will in a natural way. And not in such a way that the needs of the dying are rejected, because death is such a disturbing thing.”

In the future, the death doula operation is planned to be expanded. Trainings are also coming to Oulu and Tampere.

Salmi has been in contact with companies in the care industry, and many operators have already been consulted about possible cooperation. Already some of those who have graduated as death doulas have applied for training sent by nursing homes.

The training includes 240 hours of lectures from professionals in various fields. Among others, a hospice expert, a death investigator, a police officer, a nurse, a psychotherapist and a priest will be able to speak, all of whom have their own approach to the topic.

A doula people of very different ages have resorted to the last support offered, Salmi says. Last year, the 38-year-old doula was a companion for a doctor her age who passed away.

“He wouldn't have expected to die at that point in life.”

So there is a need for kuolindoul. Salmi says that in an ideal world there would be no demand.

“It would be wonderful if doulas were unnecessary and you could talk about death with your loved ones.

Read more: A lullaby for the dying