Why do charging companies make charging your electric car so difficult?

Hello and welcome to the electric car charging station at Pattiesland, Cornwall's favorite pasty-dedicated theme park! This facility is run by Laad-ida, the most exciting and least reliable provider of public charging points in the west of the country.

To get started, simply download the easy-to-use Laad-ida app to your mobile phone. It is in the App Store under a completely different name that is more reminiscent of a super-niche dating site, and has exactly one review of one star. Please note that the app is not compatible with phones that a) run iOS 10 without the very latest upgrade or b) are black.

The mediocre reach at Pateitjesland can make it difficult to download the app. If that's the case, the lady at the sandwich shop down the street will give you access to her WiFi, as long as you buy a Dikke Mik Super Sandwich from her. While you are doing this, a parking attendant will issue you a ticket for standing in a charging spot without charging.

Laad-ida wants to know everything about you

Once you have managed to download the app, you will need to register your account by providing some personal information. The usual stuff: name, date of birth, address, iris scan, some financial information that you don't even have to provide when you apply for a mortgage, a nice interlude about national flags and a part that gets very specific about your gender, ethnicity and sexual preferences .

You may of course exercise your right not to share these completely unnecessary personal details, after which Laad-ida will exercise its right not to sell you electricity at all, and there is no other public charging point within a radius of 50 kilometers and you It's at 6 percent battery, so what are you going to do now, cool boy?

Once registered, Laad-ida will debit a deposit of 100 euros from your account. If you are wondering when this deposit could possibly be refunded, that is a very good question. If, at any point during the charging process, you decide to disconnect and reconnect the charging cable, you will of course be charged another 100 euros.

Now find your charging station in the app again

Then locate the Patty Land loading facility on the map in the app, which will continue to insist that you are in Los Angeles. You're not in Los Angeles. Once you have found the location, select which of the eight chargers at Pateitjesland you want to use. You will notice that, in line with the modesty that characterizes our marketing philosophy, we have not numbered the chargers. And if you think: normally they will be numbered ascending from left to right, then we have a surprise for you. Hint: for some reason three of them have the number 6!

After an excruciating while of 'try again', you'll discover that seven of the eight charging cables refuse to come loose at all, and the only one that does makes an eerie buzzing noise and smells strongly of burnt hair. Now it's time to call our handy helpdesk, after which you will get Pete on the phone, who will tell you that the Pateitjesland charging facility has actually not been working for six months, but will hopefully be fully operational again soon. somewhere in mid-2025. We hope to see you then!