With Christmas, the accumulation of toys in the rooms of the little ones in the house inevitably increases. Are they asking too much? Or are fathers and mothers the ones who buy too much? Both questions are true in many cases. Carmen Berzosa, a child and youth psychologist, explains that these behaviors cause something that is frequently experienced today in many homes, which is excessive gifts to children, which can lead to the so-called over-gifted child syndrome. For her, it is a situation where minors understand that they do not have enough, they do not value their material possessions and they want more. “They do not feel satisfied or grateful and have problems being empathetic and supportive,” says Berzosa.
For the psychologist, the ideal number of gifts that children should receive this holiday season is four: something that the child has asked for and wants very much; something she needs, something she can wear and something to read. “When they have more, the child's desire is only to open gifts and they fail to connect with their essence.” Berzosa proposes sitting with her son and writing the letter to the Three Wise Men together, advising and guiding him to ask for what she really uses. “Children love things no matter what they are, and even trust what other children recommend to them.” “This is not the essence of these parties. What's more, it is very far from consumerism, it is found in values such as generosity, solidarity, gratitude or love,” she says. Xavier Montaner Casinoneuropsychologist and author of Feel good, live better (RBA, 2023).
For Montaner, it is imperative to teach minors the importance of giving and not the need for uncontrolled purchasing: “Whether by giving others tangible gifts or acts of kindness and, in this way, promoting compassion towards others.” As the expert adds, society continues to associate this time with receiving gifts and shopping. And the reality is, as he explains, that an excess of material goods leads to poorly adaptive learning on the part of minors that can, for example, generate trivial needs that would lead to a decrease in tolerance for frustration if they do not get what they want. .
Furthermore, the neuropsychologist remembers that many fathers and mothers find themselves kidnapped by their jobs every day and this makes some want to replace the affection and experiences with their children with material gifts: “We have to teach them to be generous by being generous, to be compassionate. forgiving them without losing your temper. We have to teach them to be affectionate by spending quality time and playing with them instead of giving them gifts or urging them to ask for whatever they want, because, truly, children just want to play.”
For her part, the child and adolescent psychologist Mariana Capurro It emphasizes that parents must accustom their children to enjoying moments of emotional reward and putting them before materials. Furthermore, the childhood specialist states that overexposure to advertising can make them associate their happiness with physical objects, so this type of content should be limited, as well as what they want to ask for. Capurro highlights that it is important to value the effort and perseverance of the minor to achieve something, “above the result obtained.” As she explains, for minors the approval of their parents is very motivating, so it is advisable to reinforce their behavior, ensure that they maintain it over time and that they know the consequences of not complying with the rules. “We have to be an example and let them see us respect our property and spaces so they can do the same with theirs,” she emphasizes.
The psychologist explains that for children to know what to ask for and how to take care of the toys they already have, the best thing is order. “For children to conserve, value and respect their things and their space requires daily work on the part of both parties, parents and children,” she says. Capurro also emphasizes that this will bring great benefits to children, such as the development of autonomy and responsibility. And she recommends that parents help them establish, as part of their routines, specific moments dedicated to organizing, such as, for example, creating the habit of picking up their toys at the end of an activity. “Children collaborate more if they feel useful and an important part of what they do. We can ask them how they want to organize or store their toys,” she adds.
Ana Barja, professional organizer, adds that if a child receives many gifts, parents can decide (together with their child) not to open them all and distribute them throughout the year, or use the rotation method (rotating among other children those with whom they play the least). Children have to know the toys in their room to know what they are going to ask the Three Wise Men. “Organizing them properly will also help them understand the importance of order,” she clarifies. Barja offers two keys to help parents organize the toys in their child's room:
- The discard. If the child does not want to part with any toy, it will be necessary to refer to its defects, to recycle or give it away. If you remove a toy, you have to opt for rotation, that is, keep them for a season and replace them over time. Toys that you don't use can be put up for sale.
- What do they play with? If there are toys that the child did not remember, we must check why (if, for example, they were stored in high areas). You also have to take into account the style of toys that he uses the most.
Considering that most experts indicate that the ideal number of gifts is four, Barja would add three more presents: durability, theme and practicality.
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