Better put on some hippie music, because I'm going to sound like an old fart now. There was a time, not so long ago, when a hot hatch was a hot hatch. You knew what you were getting, a slightly souped-up shopping car with just enough power to encourage some jolly behavior, but at a price that made it relatively accessible to anyone who saw cars as something more than a way to get from A to B dry. . Accessibility, practicality, tossing and throwing ability – these were the pillars of this once great genre that is now one of the endangered car species.
A month before I joined TG came into service, in 2015 an edition dedicated to the 'Heroes of the B-road' was published, which pitted the UK's 28 best hot hatches against each other in a drizzly Scottish hillside. Twenty eight!
Nowadays you can be very happy if you reach double figures: the hot Focuses and Fiestas are no more, RenaultSport has evaporated, VW has lost its way and 'racy' Peugeots are now chunky plug-in hybrids. It's all chaos and confusion, which makes this the perfect time to give the hot hatch as we know it a complete, rock-solid reset to give.
Which hot hatchbacks are left?
And to be honest: we don't have much choice. Because just look at this mess of clutter. Yes, we have a Honda Civic Type R (Top Gears Car of the Year 2022, which now appears in a Speed Week for the first time) that sticks to the traditional recipe of the front engine, front-wheel drive and a manual gearbox. But from there it goes in all directions.
We have an electric, 155 hp Fiat 500 that is covered in scorpion logos and rumbles as if it has an American V8 on board, a Swedish electric hatchback that looks like a souped-up sedan but has the funkiest dampers of the bunch, and a… equally electric, mid-size, hatchback-like Korean crossover with all-wheel drive, 650 hp (in N Grin Boost mode) and more computing power than a Mars lander. What a time to be a car nut.
What makes the special Polestar 2 special?
Let's start with the Polestar 2 BST Edition 230 – because if I don't start with it now, I might forget about it completely. This is a car that has everything on paper to raise your eyebrows, but in reality makes you question the whole point of the 'performance EV'. Compared to the normal model with two engines, it has received a power upgrade to 476 hp and can reach 100 km/h in just 4.4 seconds.
It has better brake calipers with better cooling, adjustable Öhlins dampers with separate reservoirs (which are artfully displayed in the frunk, which earns extra points) and it sits 2.5 millimeters lower. You can have a stripe with a '2' stuck on it for an extra 1,000 euros, so only 230 were made (hence the name), each costing a rather optimistic 85 grand.
The changes are not of the totally transformative kind. This is an EV that can move its mass quickly and cleanly, but on the track it feels a bit like an impostor as there's nothing for you to really sink your teeth into – no sound, sliding only happens with psychotic amounts of input from the right pedal, no gimmicks, no attempt to really involve the driver.
I have no doubt in my mind that this is a fast and comfortable device to beat your navi's ETA on a B-road, and that it will go a lot further on a single charge. It's not a bad car by any means, but you'll be better off putting this money aside for your rising mortgage costs. By way of the sharpest possible contrast, the Abarth 500e does everything it can to smack you in the face, grab your attention and make you smile.
How the Abarth wins 500th souls
I'm not a fan of the somewhat offensive paint color, the body kit or even the party trick what everyone is talking about: a speaker under the rear bumper that pumps out a wall of completely fake, rumbling combustion engine noise, which rises or falls in frequency with the movements of your right foot. But it's all so ridiculous that it kind of works.
As a performance car it can't really be taken very seriously – it only has 155 hp and a 0 to 100 time of 7 seconds – but it is more of a statement that says: 'Look at me, I'm rich and you you can probably laugh with me over dinner.' At low to medium speeds it seems to work quite well overall.
It feels blunt, reasonably sharp from a standstill, but lacks feeling in other regions. And then you realize that you shouldn't parade this little bastard around in trendy fashion districts, but rather drive it with total dedication, at all times. Grab him by the balls, especially on the much faster, wider southern section of the Gotlandring, and he's 1.4 tons of fun.
The Abarth is eventually overpowered by the sheer size of this complex and after a few laps you feel the power being dialed back, but it's a hoot. Simply: let off the brakes, climb into the corner, hit the gas. Laugh stupidly, take a breath and do it again.
The right pedal is glued to the floor for 90 percent of a lap, but it's the perfect foil for all the really powerful stuff here, which often needs to be driven with great care. Speaking of which, can we still call something with over 600 hp, which towers high above not only the Abarth but also the Civic, a hot hatch?
The latest hot hatchback of 2023 is a prototype
The chubby Ioniq 5 N requires some serious recalibration work. It's the performance-focused N division's typically thorough take on the ridiculously good-looking, all-electric Ioniq 5, and we're the first in the world to try it and really put it through its paces. I am obliged to mention that this is a pre-production copy, but that is also where all reservations end; because every mode, button and function works completely and, despite all our efforts, it refuses to break.
This is a four-wheel drive hatchback that costs 73,995 euros, is based on the same stuff that the Kia EV6 GT has on board and delivers 600 hp. Even better: press the button on the steering wheel with the somewhat embarrassing name N Grin Boost, and you have no less than 641 hp at your disposal for 10 seconds. There is also a launch control function that takes you to 100 km/h in 3.4 seconds and the top speed is 260 km/h. Not so long ago, these were figures that fit a supercar.
What really makes the Ioniq 5 N special, however, is the fact that Hyundai has really pulled out all the stops to make it not only fast, but also fun to drive, in new and interesting ways. You can dive into the menus to make it sound like a thrilling gasoline engine, or a fighter jet, or a lightsaber.
Why the fake gearbox is very entertaining
Strangely enough, the fake petrol sounds sound the best, partly thanks to another mode: N e-Shift. This is a fully simulated eight-speed gearbox that does everything a normal gearbox would do via the paddles behind the steering wheel – it regulates the torque in such a way that you can feel the acceleration while hitting the imaginary rev limiter at 8,000 rpm rushes off.
If you forget to upshift, it will hit that limiter and interrupt the torque with a jerk when upshifting, or with a small rev jump when downshifting. The sound immediately lets you know the position of the right pedal, how many 'revs' you are making and which 'gear' you are in.
It sounds horribly artificial on paper, but the really shocking thing is: it all works brilliantly and feels so natural that at a certain point you almost forget that you are messing around with software, and not with explosions and gears. My biggest compliment? A fast lap on the Gotlandring was more fun with e-Shift on.
And that's just the top layer of Hyundai's bag of tricks. There is also an N Drift Optimiser mode that only gives the rear wheels full traction and only keeps a small amount of electronics in reserve, to allow for large slides and not an excursion to the gravel trap. The most annoying thing is that you cannot use the gearbox simulation in that mode.
The alternative is that you can adjust the torque distribution between front and rear with a slider, from 100 percent front to 100 percent rear, and turn everything else off. And then there's Torque Kick Drift, a sort of simulated clutch pedal function that cuts off all the power when you hold both paddles while accelerating and dumps the whole mess on the rear wheels when you let go, to throw you sideways at the time of your choosing .
Despite everything, the Ioniq 5 N is not a toy
It's quite a lot to process and apply, but are these all gimmicks? I say no, because gimmicks are useless; These are well conceived and executed ideas that actually contribute to all the fun, interaction and the permanence of your love for driving this car.
Well, it's a two-ton heavyweight and it's not kind to your tires and brakes, and its steering doesn't offer the feel of the BST, let alone a 205 GTI. But with 600 hp and all torque vectoring magic can go a long way in hiding that mass. As a preview of what will be possible with EVs in the future, it is both astonishing and heartwarming.
The Honda is worth every cent it costs
Just like the fact that there is even such a thing as the Civic Type R. Yes, it now costs a lot of money (78,980 euros in the Netherlands, 55,000 in Belgium), but honestly: given the depth and care of the engineering that has gone into this sit down, and the fact that a beer on a terrace in a major European city can now cost you 7 euros, that amount is somehow correct.
One lap is enough to connect with that gear lever and its fluid, mechanical movements, leaving you stunned at how the electronic front differential can seemingly coax grip from the Great Nowhere without affecting the steering, convinced that 330 hp and 440 Nm of pumping turbo power is all you could ever need, and perplexed that every other car manufacturer doesn't just give up and fit these seats into every car they build.
After two laps there is no longer a trace of fear or reservation, you steer sharply up and over curbs like a touring car driver… and you think about how you can make it financially feasible to own something like this forever. It would be easy to assume that the only reason we're so enamored with the Civic is because it represents the pinnacle of what we've come to expect, that it's a safe bet that keeps us all comfortably in our comfort zones. But that is simply not the case.
What is the best hot hatchback of Speed Week 2023?
The Hyundai is also brilliant and has opened our eyes to what is to come. It's just that the Honda does its thing with so much ease, that the entire operation is so natural, you don't have to learn anything; it feels completely good from the moment you step in.
It makes amateurs better drivers, but also has more than enough to offer professionals – and it also looks spectacular in this blue/red combination in a not too exaggerated way. He deserves to make it to the Final Three; but so does the Hyundai, albeit for completely different reasons. This old fart still has a lot of thinking to do.
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