Little is said about the emotional validation for how important it is in the human being. Among the discomforts treated in consultation, anxiety and depression are at the top, but health psychologist and trauma expert Lidia Asensi assures that emotional validation is very recurrent and must be treated to avoid future problems.
The emotional validation It is accepting one’s own emotional experience or that of another person. “Without rejecting, without downplaying, or denying what oneself or another is feeling,” says the expert. Therefore, it implies not judging and empathize with emotions that they are feeling, generated by an event or event.
«When we tell something that has happened to us and how that event has made us feel, there are people who try to resolve the situation by removing the emotion that what has happened to us generates: ‘it’s not that big of a deal’, ‘I’m sure it will be fixed’, ‘don’t think about it’,” explains the psychologist.
The emotional validation It allows us to feel that the other person understands us and therefore, feel a space where we can express our emotions freely, without feeling a value judgment, and without trying to change what ourselves or another person is feeling.
How could a person regulate their emotions if they believe that all their feelings are wrong? This negative view can lead a person to depressive or anxious states. However, validating one’s own emotions and feelings can develop a sense of self and identity. Understanding one’s own emotions helps a person manage them more effectively.
What is emotional validation for?
Validation begins with yourself. To address this you have to understand internal experience, as well as actions and behaviors. People often fight about how they feel, judging themselves by how they experience situations and events and on numerous occasions a person prefers to ignore how they feel.
Through the emotional validation We let the other know that their emotions are valid and understood by us as well as our own.
– It serves to normalize what you are feeling and understand that it is okay to feel pleasant and unpleasant emotions.
– It allows us to understand that the emotional reaction we have to a certain event or context makes sense and is consistent with what happened.
– Allows you to create a bond of trust and intimacy between two or more people.
– It allows us to be aware of the experience lived.
Emotional validation is important because it makes people feel understood and valued, and it strengthens our relationships with others.
How to validate a person and myself
The act of identifying what you are feeling can be confusing; Therefore, you may need to ask yourself what triggered the feeling in the first place.
It is also important to keep in mind that validating someone does not mean having to agree with their reaction, but rather understanding that, given their life experience, it is valid for them to experience that emotion.
The way to validate a person is, according to Lidia Asensi:
– Put yourself in the other’s place, empathize.
– Listen to what the person feels.
– Accept what the person is feeling and experiencing, without judgment.
– Do not eliminate or minimize the emotion that the other person feels.
On the other hand, if we do not we self-validate Nor do we do it with others, it generates insecurity and doubts in the person regarding what they feel: «We may feel that we do not fit in with our environment, since we feel that they do not understand us. We take responsibility for the situation: ‘I am the one who is wrong for feeling this way’, instead of seeing that it is the other person who may be minimizing what I am feeling.
According to Lidia Asensi, “when we encounter people who do not validate our emotions, we tend to distance ourselves from them.” That is, we stop sharing our information because we do not feel understood. The emotional invalidation by certain people can give us certain doubts about whether what we feel is appropriate or, on the contrary, we are being exaggerated.
We must keep in mind that many times we will encounter people who do not know how to manage emotions. Therefore, your goal is going to be to remove the emotion rather than empathize and accompany us in our emotion. At that moment we will feel that our emotions bother or make us uncomfortable. Is the search for approval related to the search for validation? Apparently, yes. Continually worrying about what others think is similar to seeking validation from others. This can prevent you from living your life, one with purpose and goals, as well as values you believe in. The need for approval and the quest to impress others can distance you from who you are. Seeking to be validated can have the same qualities. It’s best to have a healthy idea of who you are, as you’ll be less inclined to seek approval and validation elsewhere.
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