Although dating applications have been experiencing spectacular growth in recent years, with the arrival of the pandemic they have definitely exploded. The problems meeting new people due to the state of alarm and the subsequent limitations to nightlife have caused even the most reluctant have been encouraged to give these tools a chance that promise to help us find a partner from the comfort of home.
Since the Covid came into our lives, applications such as Tinder, Bumble or Badoo have multiplied their users and swiping other people’s profiles has become one more digital routine for many, such as checking email or checking Instagram stories. However, this explosion has also led to a normalization of certain toxic, or at least inconsiderate, practices that newcomers should know to learn to deal with them in a healthy way. Like in real life, matching (when two users like each other) is just the beginning.
Cat for a hare
‘Catfishing’
If a profile seems too good to be true, it may not be. The ‘catfishing’ consists of creating a false account with the aim of deceiving, defrauding or abusing someone. Luckily, anyone who has been using the internet for a long time has developed a sixth sense to sense when a photo has been downloaded from Google. If that gorgeous foreigner who has supposedly been living with her uncles in Spain for a few months starts talking to you about how she’s making money by mining cryptocurrencies, run away.
Smoke vendor
‘Kittenfishing’
A variant of the previous case are those people who, although they are real, show themselves in a deceptively positive way in order to dazzle you. Of course, we all try to show our best face when we are interested in meeting someone, the difference is that those who practice ‘kittenfishing’ act as emotional manipulators, pretending a personality that does not correspond to the real one. Sometimes the sham can also occur in the photos, because they are ten years old or have been retouched to eliminate wrinkles and imperfections. Fortunately, lies have very short legs and tend to fall under their own weight if we maintain a vigilant attitude and are not naive.
When I grow up I want to be an influencer
The ‘instagramer’
More and more aspiring ‘influencers’ are using dating apps to boost their Instagram profile. It is easy to recognize them. The first thing that catches your eye is that his images are suspiciously reminiscent of a professional photo session, like taken from a ‘book’ of models. Nor is it that they bother to hide it: in the description of their biography they include their Instagram user and they encourage you to follow them there because they “reply earlier” or because “they don’t tend to enter Tinder too much.” Do not waste your time, most likely they will never respond to you or, if they do, they will only offer you a reluctant conversion that is minimally required so as not to generate antipathy. The reality is that they just want to inflate their fan numbers and, incidentally, their ego.
Now you see me, now you don’t
‘Ghosting’
After a few promising first conversations, or at least within a cordial atmosphere, the other person decides to disappear without saying a word. It may simply stop responding or have taken more drastic measures, such as undoing the match or blocking you, if you have ever exchanged phones, without offering any explanation. In some particularly devious cases, ghosting occurs after standing up on your first date. If after a week he has not responded, you can get used to the idea that he has decided to launch a smoke bomb and disappear from your life. Although it can be a serious blow to your self-esteem, don’t take it personally. Dating apps make it easy to meet people, but just as easy to leave them without regrets or the slightest social repercussion.
Not all those who are not interested in starting a relationship opt for ‘ghosting’, some simply distance themselves, without disappearing altogether. If you notice that the other person is somewhat more elusive, takes longer to respond than usual for several days or shows obvious signs of disinterest, you have all the ballots to be a case of ‘curving’. He is not interested in you, but he does not want to have the hard time of rejecting you directly and prefers that you are the one who gets tired and ends up throwing in the towel. Is that person just giving you long? A case of ‘curving’ is being raffled and you have all the ballots.
Beating around the bush
‘Breadcrumbing’
As in the case of ‘curving’, a person who does ‘breadcrumbing’ is suspicious and not very proactive in the conversation. As in the case of ‘curving’, he continues to maintain contact, albeit reluctantly, the difference is that in this case a possible step forward is suggested that never comes. While the person who practices ‘curving’ does not usually do it out of malice, but out of cowardice or disinterest, ‘breadcrumbing’ has a more perverse connotation because the other person does actively feed the hopes that his interlocutor may have, but without reaching materialize them. What comes to be dizzy, speaking in silver. If he is behaving inconsistently and responding ambiguously to the proposed plans, the best thing you can do is stand up and ask him to put the cards on the table.
Suck bench
‘Benching’
A variant of ‘curving’ or ‘breadcrumbing’ is that they make you suck on the bench. In this case, the other person continues to maintain communication and sometimes gives signals of interest, but does not finish materializing plans or commitments definitively. The differentiating nuance is that, in this case, it is done with the intention of buying time and having a ‘plan B’ in case things go wrong with a third person who interests you more. In this case, all is not lost, but it is probably not convenient for you to fall into the networks of such a calculating and insensitive person.
The ‘match’ that rose from the grave
Zombies
Like in a horror movie, in the world of dating apps not all the dead rest forever. Sometimes, after weeks or months without showing signs of life, an old ‘match’ may return from the hereafter with the intention of resuming communication, either acting as if nothing had happened or justifying himself with some strange excuse that smells a hoax from minute one. Usually behind this behavior is a break with a third person who never spoke to you about. If you don’t mind being their second course and you believe in second chances, go ahead, but don’t be surprised if things end up not working. After all, that person already discarded you in the first place.
Don’t even try
‘Obligaswiping’
This term is a contraction of the Anglicisms ‘obligation’ (obligation) and ‘swiping’ (sliding) and is used to describe people who engage in sliding profiles out of a feeling of obligation. It can be due to social pressure, like those girls who end up giving in to the insistence of their friends who did well on Tinder, or because of a far-fetched self-imposition, to feel that something is being done to get out of singleness. Be that as it may, these people are in these apps ‘just to be’ and, although they swipe profiles and engage in conversations (reluctantly), they have no real interest in dating or put too much effort into meeting other people. It is easy to recognize them because they often resort to vague excuses for not meeting, such as that they never have time, or because they respond late and with the same enthusiasm as those who wait in line at the bank to return a receipt. If the relationship doesn’t flow, don’t try to force things, it won’t do any good.
Pokémon Trainer Complex
Collectors
A phenomenon similar to ‘obligaswiping’ is the collectors of ‘matches’. As in that case, they are usually not interested in dating or participating in conversations, but are limited to amassing profiles that have been liked out of sheer narcissism. These users seem to have become addicted to the dopamine rush they feel when the shift notification skips, but they are not really willing to meet the people behind those profiles.
Trawling
‘Fishing’
The opposite of ‘obligaswiping’ would be trawling users on dating apps. The strategy of these people is to shoot everything that moves and decide later. They are proactive, usually too much, and from the first contact they are eager to calibrate their options. They usually resort to ‘ghosting’ or one of its variants when they already have several attack plans on the table and consider that the time has come to discard those that arouse them less interest.
Rear window
‘Stalking’
Even though yours is dead and buried, if there ever was something, the other person keeps gossiping your Instagram stories or WhatsApp status from the shadows. It is a harmless but uncomfortable practice that can be nipped in the bud using the block and mute options offered by all social networks. Usually these pesky onlookers won’t even know about it, so there’s no danger of offending them either.
A human ‘airbag’
‘Cushioning’
This, more than a flirting tactic, is a self-protection technique. A rather twisted and creeping one, all be said. It consists of using dating applications to meet other people while having a relationship or a bad prognosis. Unlike ‘benching’, the intention is not to have a potential partner in reserve in case ‘plan A’ fails, but to have someone to use it for emotional support (hence the term ‘cushioning’: cushion in English) and cushion the blow that would be a foreseeable break with the first person.
This term would translate as ‘cockroach’. As you can imagine with such a name, it is one of the most despicable practices on the list. It consists of making the other person believe that they are maintaining a stable relationship, when in reality they do not have any pretense of having anything serious. In some cases, she is even dating more people, which would be like practicing polyamory but without prior agreement or even lying about the nature of the relationship. Remember that it is very important to define things from the beginning.
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