The author of the book “Stop Self-Sabotage”, a clinical psychologist, Judy Ho, explains that self-destructive behavior occurs as a biological response, when we get an increase in dopamine, which makes us feel happy while setting goals, but when the time comes to achieve them, the fear of failure arises. It leads us to the behavior of “avoidance”, in order to avoid the “threat”, and from here we subconsciously begin to move away from our goals.
Dr. Ho also points to the intertwining of psychological reasons that drive people to adopt self-destructive mechanisms, such as fear of being hurt, and trust issues that are often linked to past negative experiences, not to mention low self-esteem.
What are the symptoms of self-sabotage?
Signs of self-sabotage can be very subtle, but psychologists have narrowed them down to the following symptoms:
● Refusal of a request for assistance.
● Control or micromanagement of behaviour.
● Provoking quarrels or initiating quarrels with colleagues and loved ones.
● Setting goals that are too low or too high and then undermining them.
● Avoidance or withdrawal from relationships.
● Negative self-talk and intense self-criticism.
● Making excuses or assigning blame.
● Addiction in all its forms.
● Unwillingness to talk about oneself.
Steps to get rid of self-destruction
Mental health practitioners have identified techniques to help prevent self-destruction, in the following steps:
Find out the root causes
Experts suggest that the main reason behind self-destruction may often be trauma that the person went through in a previous experience, or behavior stemming from childhood, and this requires doing the following:
▪ Release the feelings of that trauma, using one of the emotion-release techniques in cognitive behavioral therapy or psychotherapy.
▪ Learn how to deal with difficult emotions, because we don’t really avoid the goal, we avoid the perceived negative consequences of it, including the negative feelings we associate with it.
▪ Practice mindful breathing and meditation, both of which help develop self-compassion and break patterns faster.
Stop procrastinating
Procrastination is often the cornerstone of destructive behaviors, and if an individual keeps postponing a goal that is important to them, it may be easier for them emotionally than trying to reach a goal that seems unattainable.
It is advised to get rid of the habit of procrastination by learning the skills of “self-regulation” by taking action, because starting to take action helps oneself to reduce fear and rebuild a sense of self-worth.
Avoid perfectionist thinking
People who sabotage themselves are often perfectionists, overthink the smallest details, and obsess about everything being ok, and when something goes wrong, which is very likely, they back off and end up feeling ashamed and sinking into depression.
To address this, it is advised to strive for excellence, not perfection, by making small improvements, while progressing on the way, towards achieving the desired goal.
Communicate with others
Ironically, people who are self-destructive will do almost anything to avoid drawing attention to their fears. However, communication can be very beneficial, because expressing fear reduces its arousal. On the one hand, sharing goals with others helps them stick to them. and get support.
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