Whatever your job, chances are you deal with different people every day: colleagues, customers, clients or executives. Then it is nice if you get the others along with your plans. Mirjam Wiersma, speaker and author of A great day every working day, know how to increase your influence. This time: the power of giving
‘For what, belongs what’ is an integral part of our culture. But it’s not just old advice that has gathered dust, we actually act on it. A few years ago we thought that sending a paper Christmas card was a dying habit. But no, in 2020, perhaps as a result of the lockdown in force at the time, many more Christmas cards were sent than the year before.
Researchers Kunz and Woolcott already showed in the 1970s – with Christmas cards – that the principle of reciprocity influences our behavior. In their experiment, they sent Christmas cards to complete strangers. They expected some cards back; they received a lot of them. Hardly anyone inquired who the sender actually was. After receiving the Christmas card, a card was automatically returned. When we get something, we give something back. Don’t you? Then you will be seen as selfish and antisocial. And we don’t want that.
You also see it on social media: if you like a photo on Instagram, you will get a like back very regularly. Do you follow me on Twitter? Then I’ll follow you back. If you forward a post from me on LinkedIn, I’ll see if I can like or forward something from you.
Stronger than sympathy
Research has also shown that the principle trumps another powerful means of persuasion, sympathy. Researcher Robert Cialdini describes an experiment with a ticket seller. Test subjects who like the seller tend to buy more tickets.
Even if you don’t like someone, when they give you something you feel obliged to give something in return
But the moment the lottery ticket seller offers test subjects a Coke and then asks if they want to buy lottery tickets, it no longer matters whether they like him or not. After the coke they have received, they feel obliged to buy tickets from him. For example, as many lottery tickets are bought by people who like the seller as by people who don’t like him. So even if you don’t like someone, when they give you something, you feel an obligation to give something back.
You see this principle all around you: with free ebooks and the mints you get right before you pay in the restaurant, for example.
Reciprocity at work
How could you apply ‘for what, hear what’ to your work? Constantly dragging bunches of flowers, thoughtful cards and bottles of wine? That can also be different. The gift does not have to be material. In fact, if you as a company or organization maintain ties with the government, giving a gift quickly becomes a problem. You probably want to avoid any appearance of bribery.
You can also give something that does not cost money. A nice and sincere compliment makes the recipient feel good. Or offer to read along if someone has to prepare an extensive document. Or maybe you can lend a listening ear if someone has a problem.
Does it always work? Unfortunately, you have no guarantee that someone will return something, and certainly not the guarantee that the giver will return what you would like. On the other hand: if you apply this technique skillfully, it will cost you little and you will at least grease your working relationships with it.
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