They access each time before and should know that there is a lot of science fiction
Children access porn every time before; the Spanish Agency for Data Protection (AEPD) ensures that the average age is 8 years, caused by the use of screens without the necessary surveillance. At 14, porn use is widespread. “It cannot be that an 8-year-old child is accessing this without any control or guidelines, because it is going to have important consequences,” considers the director of this institution, Mar España. Without going into what this can do in a child’s mind, it is useful to know how to talk to our children once that first contact has taken place, if possible later than soon. Roberto Sanz, a psychologist and sexologist at the Sexpol Foundation and a sex education monitor, explains here how we can approach this issue with them to help them understand what they have seen, and answer the questions they pose and those that an adult can guess.
Pure fiction
It is always important to clarify that we are talking “about a fiction, represented by actors and actresses, and that shows unreal, invented and calculated situations,” says Sanz. Like horror movies or Martian movies. “Just like after watching ‘Superman’ they don’t try to fly away, after watching porn they shouldn’t try to have sex like that.”
A matter of sizes and shapes
That fiction extends to bodies; kids get used to breasts, vulvas, penises … hard to find around them. He recommends explaining that they are selected actors, according to «prevailing beauty models, as happens in the rest of the audiovisual media, where it is strange to see someone with functional diversity or far from commercial aesthetics. Just as action movies feature strong, athletic characters, porn employs models that they find socially attractive. ”
He advises talking with them about how it can be a problem to take these models as statistically normal «since they are not representative, since they avoid body hair, stretch marks, body asymmetries (specifically the vulvas or breasts), twisted penises (which are the vast majority), including moles or scars. In the case of breasts, they usually go into specific categories, such as ‘natural’, ‘large’ or ‘small’, but the most prototypical are usually breasts operated on in athletic, thin bodies … ».
Erection
The first sight of an erect adult penis can cause an impression and many questions. “Erection is an automatic phenomenon that occurs in a situation of excitement influenced by psychological attitude, fantasies, desires …”. They will have to be shown that in a shoot of this type, “each actor must get excited enough to start each take, and that each one has their own methods, from those who use only fantasy to those who use chemical substances.” They must be told that the only valid trick, points out the expert, is to avoid thoughts of “pressure, demand, urgency or fear, emotions that generally trigger anxiety, to a greater or lesser extent, and prevent or hinder an erection.” They should also know that the size of the penis, small or large, except for very exaggerated exceptions, “does not influence the ability to erect or the speed in which it is completed. In addition, as in all fiction, only the plans are shown that, after recording them, are considered valid.
The treatment of women
The way women are treated in many of these productions is violent. “It is an industry that makes use of stereotypes and prejudices, and also contexts, so it is very permeable to social models and trends. You have to see that he lives and is nourished by patriarchal and macho sexuality ”, mainly aimed at straight men. “Porn often represents unrealizable fantasies and here the conjunctures of power-submission, or unusual groups or situations are not strange: the problem is that these situations of violence, without explaining, can make them understand fantasies as habitual realities.” He considers it important to make them see that sexuality “must always be consensual” and that all practice is desired by all participants.
“Just as when they see ‘Superman’ they do not intend to fly, they should not try to have the relationships they see in porn”
Orgasm as an end
The pressure to reach orgasm is the main cause of difficulty for this, says Sanz, “because it generates anxiety, control and loss of contact with pleasure and excitement.” It is a fact that in this type of film it is the purpose, the ‘The End’. He recommends showing them how useful it is to consider it “a prize, never a goal to be achieved, since its presence or absence does not determine success or failure; It is not a trial, not a job. It is a situation that must be centered around all the pleasure and not only the 8 seconds that the orgasm lasts ».
No condom
Many scenes show couples having sex without a condom. It will be necessary to insist that this may be so because of «the very rigid controls that are carried out to detect sexually transmitted diseases, precisely to roll without the practical inconveniences of using a condom, such as putting it on and taking it off, that it comes off with too much movement, that wrinkles, etc. ». He points out that it is also avoided in order to make ejaculation explicit, having given this an excessively important role.
Watching a lot of porn …
It should be emphasized that the very habitual consumption of porn “modifies the threshold of excitement and fantasy, making it increasingly necessary to have a greater intensity for the same result.” Although he points out that the biggest problem is the normalization of certain practices or assuming them as desired by the entire population. It can also influence the “perception of the attractiveness of ‘real bodies’ compared to the aesthetic models they show: certain studies reveal that people accustomed to these models as a result of the habitual and exclusive consumption of porn, as in adolescence, have difficulties with your desire for natural bodies: sagging breasts, different sized nipples, wrinkled penises, flaccidity, etc.
Advice
«Enjoy these films without forgetting that reality is different, very different but more fun, exciting and satisfying due to its diversity. Also, very important, that sexuality is not gymnastic exercises, but pleasure, communication, emotions, desires and others; It is not something that is done, but that is lived ».
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