Relationships often go through difficulties that both must face together to prevent problems from accumulating. If these tensions are not resolved, they can lead to resentments that, in the worst cases, culminate in breakups or infidelities.
Anja Vojta, a well-known life and relationship coach, recently spoke on this topic. In an article published in Your Tango magazine, Vojta recounts how a series of circumstances led her to be unfaithful with her partner, detailing the painful lessons he learned from that process.
The first lesson that Vojta highlights is that infidelity is never accidental. Explain that each betrayal is driven by an unmet internal need, which does not always have to do with the deceived partner. In his case, he has ended up identifying that his infidelity was the result of a low self-esteem. She recognizes that, at that moment, she was looking for external validation, something that only she could have provided herself, but that she did not know how to handle at the time.
The second learning she shares is that intimacy is often used as an escape route to avoid facing painful realities. According to Vojta, many people resort to physical closeness to escape from emotional or personal problems that they do not know how to manage. In his experience, infidelity was a way to temporarily anesthetize his own internal anxieties and difficulties, reflecting that something much deeper was wrong in his life.
«Be careful not to confuse love with toxic bonds»
Anja also recognizes that her relationship with her ex-partner was not based on the genuine love that she believed at the time. He admits that, although it is possible to love and betray at the same time, in his case their relationship was marked by toxic patterns more than for true love. These types of ties, he comments, are often confused with love, when in reality they are based on unhealthy attachments born of unresolved trauma.
Finally, the coach emphasizes that even those who commit infidelities deserve to be happy. Despite the pain she caused with her betrayal, Vojta insists that it is important to release shame in order to heal and learn. Criticize stigmatization towards those who cheat, since the emotional wounds that lead them to act that way are often ignored. According to her, the key is to take responsibility for mistakes, but also to not allow a bad decision to define a person’s entire life.
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