In our society, it has long been thought that a relationship brings happiness. There is now a distortion in the persistently living relationship norm, says the researcher.
“This is just like a relationship picture. Think if the podcast ended up becoming a couple! ” give a laugh Inka Willström to a friend Sanna Kiiskelle under a huge alpine rose bush.
That would undeniably be a funny surprise.
The highly anticipated summer pulsates around very hot and flowery. Kiiski and Willström have come to The Hague in Helsinki’s hot Alpine Rose Park to talk about solitude.
Writer and entrepreneur Sanna Kiiski, 46, and Inka Willström, 27, who works in the media industry and as a restaurant manager, have spent more than a year in the Supla audio service. Tinder Diarypodcast. In it, they talk about being single and share their experiences with Tinder and dating.
The podcast is inspired by the Tinder diaries written by Kiiske. In her books based on diary entries, the mother of three, who has divorced from a long union, throws herself into the depths of the dating world.
In the air ripples in addition to heat relief. It is almost a year and a half later, during which the authorities have instructed Finns to meet each other as little as possible.
When it comes to interest rate restrictions, the authorities’ policy of meeting only those living in the same household has also aroused astonishment.
“Of course you have to be afraid of the virus and do your best to keep it from getting infected. But cohesion and social relations are part of basic human needs, ”said a professor at the University of Turku, a loneliness researcher. Niina Junttila to HS in March.
Now the corona situation has eased, vaccinations are advancing, restrictions are easing and Finland is once again starting to open up to human encounters.
Read more: Love at the time of the corona
What kind summer So singles Kiiski and Willström are pissed off?
At least in many ways more liberated than the past single winter with its corona restrictions, two inches.
“You can meet nice buddies of friends or even find someone in a wonderful R-kiosk queue.”
“The dating has been largely on hiatus because the video dates aren’t inspiring. But during the Korona period, I still went on a walking date to watch the icebreaker, ”says Willström.
Kiiski and Willström hope that in the summer new acquaintances could be found elsewhere than in Tinder.
“Maybe the social life can also be refreshed for a long time, and it’s also wonderful to spend more time with friends. In the summer, you can meet nice friends or even find someone in the queue of a wonderful R-kiosk, ”says Willström with a laugh.
Single life seems to be of great interest to Finns.
Kiiske’s first book is among Supla’s five most listened to books and a podcast on Supla’s most popular list. In addition, Nelonen Media has bought the film rights to the books and a film about the first part is already in progress.
Many other podcasts about Single Life also tour on Spotify’s list of Finland’s most popular podcasts from week to week. They tell of coincidences from wonderful and horrible dates and consider what kind of partner would be suitable for him and where one could find one.
But why when talking about singles is the focus often specifically on finding a partner? Yes, there is much more interesting in the life of a single, such as friends, work and hobbies.
Tampere university researcher Marjo Kolehmainen according to the explanation is likely to be found in the strong relationship norm.
Globally, the Nordic countries have a particularly large number of people living alone, many of whom are also likely to be singles. Up to 1.2 million Finns live alone.
Read more: Odd generation
In Nordic welfare societies, it is economically possible and culturally acceptable to live alone, but a relationship is still a so-called object of happiness.
That means we assume the relationship will make you happy, Kolehmainen says.
Indeed, studies have found that many are ashamed, especially of long-lasting singleness.
“People in a relationship are rarely asked why they have chosen to be in a relationship.”
“Singularity is thought of as an intermediate stage in youth or after separation, not as a permanent life situation. That’s why many find it annoying to have never been or been single for a long time. ”
Read more: Involuntarily alone
Kolehmainen also recalls that singleness is defined through deficiency: a single is a person who has no relationship.
“We tend to ask singles if they’ve found someone. Those in a relationship are rarely asked why they have decided to be in a relationship, ”Kolehmainen explains.
Prolonged singleness should not automatically be seen as a problem, Kolehmainen says. Instead of relationships, one can only ask “what belongs”.
“A relationship is also not the only important human relationship. I still don’t fully know how important friends can be, for example. ”
In Kolehmainen’s opinion, it is not fair to require individuals to be completely satisfied with their lives as singles, when the whole of society and culture is largely built on the norm of a relationship. This is illustrated, for example, by assumptions about family Christmas and the possibility of tax deductions in marriage.
On the other hand Cracks in the relationship norm have also begun to emerge, as we have started to talk about different forms of relationships and singleness in a more diverse way, Kolehmainen states.
Many see living as a single as an opportunity to realize their dreams more freely. On the other hand, when dating, you can meet wonderful people without having to lead a relationship. Such themes are now talked about in many single podcasts as well.
In addition, there has been a debate in the media that good relationships can be other than singles and the traditional closed relationship between two people.
Kiiski and Willström got acquainted in a joint media project. Kiiski was planning his book, and it turned out that Willström knows the secrets of Tinder and Some.
Willström is also involved in Kiiske’s second book under the nickname Tinka aka Tinder-Inka. He has been at Tinder since 2012.
“There’s been little social patterns and other Tinder breaks in between, but yes, there’s been a lot of spinning there.”
Kiiski and Willström live as singles in a different life situation. Kiiski lives with her ex-husband in the same house but in different apartments. In their family, the parents change apartments and the children stay in the same home. Childless Willström, on the other hand, lives with a roommate in the heart of Helsinki.
Kiiski is preparing the third part of his book series.
“It has an even more uncensored way to go,” he reveals.
The relationship norm the cracks have not gone unnoticed by Kiiske or Willström either.
“I’m a Disney-era kid. I learned when I was little the same that even if Mulan fought alongside the men alone, then in the end the happy ending is that he finds his prince and marries him. It’s wonderful that that story is starting to give way, and Frozen Elsak is also single, ”says Willström.
“I think it’s great that the younger generations are so smart and more open to talking about singles and different relationships!” Kiiski says.
“As a young man, I meant to suffocate when I thought I’d never find anyone again.”
She herself has found herself feeling more at ease than when she is younger.
“As a young man, I meant to suffocate when I thought I would never find anyone again. Now I focus in peace on thinking about what kind of life and partner would be right for me. ”
Willström says in his twenties that finding a partner is not the absolute value of life. You can live a full life as a single.
“It was a big insight. I realized that what then, even if I never could find anyone to be in a rocking chair with. I can be happy whether I have a partner or not. And I have great friends anyway. ”
The most important thing is that there is love, Kiiski sums up.
“I believe a person can feel bad if there is no love in life at all, and loneliness is a real problem. But that love can come from someone other than a partner. ”
Supla, who performs the Tinder Diary podcast, and Nelonen Media, who bought the film rights to the Tinder Diary book series, belong to the same Sanoma Group as Helsingin Sanomat.