At the time of the divorce, it comes as a surprise to many that there is still a mandatory period of reflection ahead. It often means a long period of mental torment, but a family lawyer encourages you to spend time clarifying and mediating.
It felt absurd.
Thirty Julia had lived with his wife for almost a year in a disgusting interlude, wondering if they should divorce.
Now the divorce decision was finally made and the application sent, but the difference was not clear. There was only a six-month reflection period on the divorce application.
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“The period of reflection felt like an unfair mental hanging.”
“It came as a surprise. We had been thinking about the difference for so long that the period of reflection felt like an unfair mental hanging, ”Julia recalls via video call. He does not appear in the story under his own name, as it also affects his loved ones.
“I remember wondering if people should just leave in peace when they want to.”
Reflection time is part of the current Marriage Act, which was enacted in 1929. The most significant changes to the law were made in 1987, which made it easier, among other things, to obtain a divorce.
Before that, it was clearly harder to get a divorce. One accepted ground for divorce was the infidelity of the spouse, which had to be proven and had to have witnesses.
For example, a sexually transmitted disease acquired by a spouse also justified the termination of the union – as well as if the spouse became “mentally ill or bored” during the marriage and the illness had continued for three years.
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Spouses may not be divorced until six months have elapsed since the application for divorce.
Although the period of reflection seems to many obsolete institutions that have made the decision to resign, it is still in force. Spouses may not be divorced until six months have elapsed since the application for divorce.
After that, the divorce must be applied for again. There is another six months to submit a second application. If the divorce is not applied for in the second stage, the case lapses and the marriage remains in force.
The reflection period can only be waived if the spouses have already lived apart for two years at the time of the application for divorce.
The annual number of divorces varies. According to Statistics Finland, 13,478 marriages ended in divorce in 2020. At that time, the number of divorces increased for the second time in a row.
Julia shared a common home with her ex-spouse a few months after filing for divorce.
The spouse was not yet ready to tell the children about the difference, so at home they tried to continue living as before – at least ostensibly. And they were married on paper for another month.
However, it was not easy.
“It seemed dishonest to constantly play a role for children. It made everyday life heavy, ”says Julia.
Julia felt that the problems only got worse when the start of her own new life was delayed. He was already waiting for the clarity brought by the difference.
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Was it appropriate to swap new dating partners while your ex was sitting next to you on the couch?
Before the resignation from Julia, it had felt that there was not enough time of her own, and the situation did not improve much during the period of reflection. It seemed difficult to ask someone else for extra help caring for the children. Neither was happy to be flexible about already agreed schedules unless they received the same benefits themselves.
And then, of course, was Tinder. Was it even appropriate to join and swap new dating partners while the sister was sitting next to her on the couch?
Although Julia was already longing to meet new people, tindering seemed like a strange idea because of the housing arrangement. Even though they had agreed on a divorce and the spouse seemed to be meeting a new person already.
“In the end, though, I made a profile for a smaller dating app while we were still living together.”
Although many see the period of reflection as a mandatory evil and a brake on new life, from a legal point of view it is a justified thing. The reflection period does not prevent the spouses from moving apart or other practical actions related to the separation, says the family lawyer Katariina Kuusiluoma Lexly Law Office.
Due to the reflection period, the right to divorce is not exercised recklessly. On the other hand, the reflection period provides an opportunity to clarify and reconcile matters related to divorce.
“In the eyes of the law, divorce involves a process of division of property, which is no small matter. In addition, in families with children, it is extremely important to agree on the affairs of the children and to confirm these agreements with the child’s guardian in the municipality, because after the divorce, parenthood continues, ”says Kuusiluoma.
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“Everyone should think before marriage if they want to give this person so many rights to their property.”
“It still comes as a surprise to many that marriage is a big financial contract. However, a large mortgage, for example, is considered much more carefully than the legal side of marriage. Everyone should think before marriage whether they want to give this person so many rights to their property. ”
According to Kuusiluoma, the most important thing is to make a division of property during the consideration period, ie the division of property. It will come as a surprise to many that such a division should be made at all.
In the absence of a marriage, the property is divided equally. The outcome of the division may also be disproportionate if the spouses so agree.
“It must be remembered that the right to marry applies to just about all property. Many imagine that a summer house acquired before marriage or an inheritance from a relative does not fall within the scope of matrimonial law, but the division includes the assets and liabilities of both. ”
If one has managed his finances well but the other has not, the other party may have to pay a flat rate to the over-indebted spouse and contribute indirectly to the payment of debts.
The right to apply for a division does not expire, and a division claim can be filed even at the estate of the former spouse.
According to Kuusilomaoma, many still do not enter into a written agreement on the division because they think that an oral agreement will suffice.
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Filing for a divorce too early can be costly.
“In practice, the division should always be agreed in writing. If the partition is not made, the former spouse may come to claim a share of the investment apartment, for example, after ten years. In that case, the value shall be considered according to the current market situation. “
Many are in a hurry to send divorce papers because they want to file for divorce as soon as possible. However, according to Kuusiloma, submitting a divorce application too early may be costly.
Once a divorce has been filed, no further changes can be made to the property subject to the matrimonial law: after that, no marriage contract can be entered into or the existing marriage contract cannot be changed.
“For some of my clients, it made the most sense to make a new marriage contract before the divorce. They had almost had time to complete their reflection period, but decided to withdraw their resignation and conclude the necessary new agreements on my proposal. They then applied for the resignation again, which also triggered a new period of reflection. For many, it would have been enormously heavy, but they did not see it as a problem. ”
Sometimes it so happens that the period of reflection can change the mind. This is what happened to the thirties Heidille.
She filed for divorce with her husband a few years ago, but after the reflection period, they ended up staying married. Heidi doesn’t appear in the story under her own name either, because the subject also touches her close circle.
The couple’s problems started after the birth of their second child. The peak years and financial pressures got big. At the same time, Heidi’s wife began to use more alcohol.
“We had been in therapy for a year now when my spouse announced she wanted to divorce. I felt that our values were already so far apart that I agreed and filed for divorce. ”
The spouse moved away and Heidi stayed in a couple’s old home with the children. Four months later, Heidi got a call from her husband that she needed help drinking.
It wasn’t like a spouse. This had always been a successor who had not received help. Therefore, it was easy for Heidin to believe that her spouse really meant what she said.
Eventually, the couple lived apart for more than half a year, but continued therapy and spent a lot of time as a family. The time for reflection was and went. The second application was not sent and the separation ended.
Foreman and Deputy Head of the Helsinki District Court Application Office Eerika Viitanen says it is actually quite common for spouses to want to stay married after a period of reflection.
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One of Kuusiluoma’s customers had been unknowingly married for fifteen years.
“In Helsinki, there are an estimated dozen applications for resignation per month. However, there is no exact statistic about this, not least because some people simply forget to seek a resignation in the second stage. ”
Katariina Kuusiluoma says that regularly one of her clients forgets that she must remember to file for divorce in the second stage herself.
One of Kuusiluoma’s customers was unknowingly married for another fifteen years. The matter only became clear after the death of the spouse.
Julia and his ex-spouse also ended up filing an extension application after the reflection period.
For Julia, marriage was never an important milestone, let alone a childhood dream. He married his firstborn while waiting because it seemed like a sensible legal solution at the time.
“It was also nice to have the same last name for the whole family. However, it seems that marriage ended up being more of a nuisance than a benefit because we had time to get married for so little time. It only caused a lot of extra effort and paperwork at the time of the separation. ”
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“I try to think there is no need to be ashamed of a divorce. It was one era in my life that is now over. ”
Still, the arrival of a formal divorce decision felt bad in the end.
“I oppose a normative life. It seemed stupid to get a decision that I was sentenced to divorce. I try to think that divorce does not have to be ashamed. It was one era in my life that is now over. ”
The reflection period often exacerbates the problems that have existed in the relationship even before the divorce decision. But if they survive and want to continue, the relationship can really be on a more solid footing.
Heidi feels that the distance was good for their marriage. They both had to live alone a new normal and learn from themselves.
“I think the reflection period is a good thing, even if not everyone should get married. However, it opens your eyes. If you miss none of the others, the difference has been the right decision. It wasn’t for us. ”
Today, the couple can discuss everything and they try to understand each other better than before.
“We’ve always been shaky, but the period of reflection put an end to intimidation.”
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