Relationships “I have a godchild that I find frankly annoying,” says the expert.

The Person column deals with readers’ interpersonal issues. This time, the reader wonders if a friend’s child is forced to like it.

What if you don’t like your godchild? Frankly, I find him annoying. My godchild is pretty wild and strong-willed, so I’ve had a hard time getting to know him. I am not a very child person, even though I have a child myself. However, it is difficult for me to get in touch with children other than mine.

My godchild is a child of a good friend of mine, and I find that my friend is a little annoyed that I am not crazy about his child. I have now tried to take better account of the godchild and ask about his affiliations, even if it seems forced. Does a guy’s child have to like it?

The problem is opened by Janna Rantala, a child psychiatrist and psychotherapist. Experts do not comment on individual cases in the column but address the issue at a general level.

“Starting point the answer could be the same thing that children are always told, that of course not everyone has to like it but everyone has to get along.

It is not the child’s responsibility to build a relationship with an adult.

The good thing is that an adult contemplating such an issue takes responsibility for their own feelings and thinks about how to act in the situation. It is never the responsibility of a child to build a relationship with an adult.

The question can be approached from many different perspectives: through a friendship, from the perspective of a godfather, and yet from the perspective of one’s own relationship with children in general. The first two in particular may be a matter of feelings of inadequacy that erupt through feelings of irritation.

Sometimes in friendships, with the birth of children, assumptions arise that a friend should like his or her own child as much as a parent likes him or her. Or that the one specifically asked to do so should do so. But such is an unreasonable requirement.

Thus, if something is rubbing in the godfather or in relation to the godchild, one may wonder whether it is a matter of assuming that a friend, i.e. the parent of the godchild, assumes such. Or is it that the parent of the godchild would really seem to have such thoughts?

Even if the relationship with the godchild feels awkward now, it doesn’t predict much for the future.

In the case of friendship, one might especially think about what the relationship was like before the children and how it has changed with the children. Could the original friendship between two adults be strengthened? Or would it be better for friends to see mostly only two of them in the future, without children?

Personally, I would advise having fun among adults and taking care of the original, that is, the relationship between friends.

Second the option is to discuss together, even now afterwards, what expectations and hopes each has for the godfather.

They are rarely discussed in advance. It can create pressure on those who promise to be godparents if the parent or parents of the godchild seem to have assumptions, however. The situation can be a ruin of friendship, as the godfather is considered an honorable mission that is hard to refuse.

For oneself, one’s own child is the most wonderful in the world, but one cannot demand that he be worshiped by others.

In relation to the child himself, one can think about what makes the child’s characteristics feel like a stranger in his own eyes. Perhaps a distant godchild, for example, is really different from a child in your own family. On the other hand, some find it difficult to feel intimacy or interest in immature people at all. Then it may seem hypocritical to ask for rumors.

Although the relationship with the godchild would feel awkward now, it doesn’t predict much for the future. The type that seems uninteresting now, for example, can be quite an awesome teenager. If you commit to a sponsorship, it can become a long-term relationship.

From another perspective, I would advise parents to remember that parenting involves an understanding that one’s own relationship with a child is different from almost everyone else’s. For oneself, one’s own child is the most wonderful in the world, but one cannot demand the worship of others. ”

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