E.Hardly a night went by without a dream about us. I am one of those people who seldom remember their dreams. In these dreams we wander through the streets, sipping our coffee mugs, half joking, half arguing about trivialities and their relationship to the seriousness of life. We sit on wooden pallets, share a blanket and warm ourselves at the fireplace in the garden. In another then we drink peppermint schnapps at a wedding in August. From this dream I wake up in a cold sweat. It’s already eleven and I’m longing.
When a romantic relationship ends, it is a painful turning point in the life of the lovers. You split up, share your belongings, maybe even children, move out. Colleagues and friends understand and give an open ear and consolation. For some, lovesickness pulls the floor away from under their feet. Some never get back on their feet. Our society gives a lot of space and understanding to lovesickness after a breakup, because we can all understand the feeling. But what if it is not our partner we are separating from, but a person with whom we have maintained a platonic, but no less intense relationship? When good, even best friends break up, it tears an even bigger gap in our lives – but it is invisible.
There is no word in German that describes the act of becoming friends. When we talk about a breakup, we always think of the end of a romantic love. It is the logical consequence of lovesickness that leads us to drown our pain in tears and tears. To pull the houses, burn pictures and scream our anger in the bathtub. Such a separation takes place in phases. The initial grief is followed by anger, then (hopefully) acceptance and insight, eventually healing. And in the end you might be able to build something like a friendship with your ex-partner, if you haven’t destroyed each other in a war of roses beforehand.
Friendships end quietly
Friendships, on the other hand, end quietly. Because people develop further, change their habits and interests. You change jobs or move to another city. Some have children, others don’t. Most friendships don’t end with a big bang, but rather wither miserably. And in the end there is a gap to be filled for which you don’t even have a word.
The pandemic is doing its best to fuel such dynamics. The fun of virtual game and wine evenings is long gone. Instead, we are sitting at home alone and struggling with the very personal consequences this pandemic has for us. What is missing are the hugs, the clink of glasses, the gasping after laughing. Differences of opinion, disappointment and suppressed anger – they all weigh so much more heavily when they are only communicated via the messenger, with many kilometers in between. And what should you tell yourself if nothing happens?
#Relationship #column #friendship #doesnt